You need a two pronged plan: firstly to prioritize your sleep and secondly to get ds in a better pattern.
So for your sleep, can you make Dh get up with the kids in the morning so you have an hour to sleep, or have a weekend catch up? Does dd go to any child care so you can sleep with the baby?
For ds, I think your plan sounds great. Perhaps he is sick or teething so needs extra comfort just this week? I would keep trying to just lie down with him, and see how you get on.
I know what you mean about leaving older child. Ds now mainly naps in the pram because I can't leave dd for too long unattended. Is that an option? I know lots of kids who only sleep in the pram in the day. One mum I know would just strap bub in and he'd nod off before she'd left the house because it was such a strong sleep cue.
Teaching babies to solo sleep can be tough for both mum and baby...you're building a beautiful relationship with your son by attending to his needs, but you need to look after you too. That's why I think you could address your sleep as the first priority before trying to 'fix' the baby.
Will he sleep in a sling? That's one way to help him and see to your DD at the same time. Or the pram?
I know lots of people - that nurse included - will disagree with me, but I don't think you can teach a baby to sleep alone. You can help them along if they're ready for it, but if not you're left with either finding a way to get by in the mean time or forcing them.
What help do you have to call on? Can you get day care or babysitter to help with DD? A cleaner to keep the pressure off you at home? Do you get sleep on the weekends at least?
I really do wish I could guarantee you some sleep some how
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