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Thread: Please reassure me I'm not the only one...

  1. #1

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    Default Please reassure me I'm not the only one...

    With a child who will not sleep.

    Darcy ahs been awake on and off since Friday with only hour long cat naps very occasionally. She is SO tired she starts to drift of then wakes herself screaming. I have tired everything but cannot make the screaming stop. She burps well, we change her all the time. She isn't hungry. I have tried all the settling techniques I can read about.

    She will not settle by herself - EVER. She is only happy whilst you are carrying her and even then the screaming rarley stops.



    I know some babies just cry, but gee it's hard work. I don't like to take her out or have visitors cos it only makes her worse. I'm really scared what will happen when DH goes back to work.

    ATM she is 3 hours overdue for a feed but because she is asleep I am not prepared to wake her, however the night now terrifies me as she has some reserves to draw upon IYKWIM??

  2. #2

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    Hey Scrappy It can be so hard can't it.

    First of all little babies and plenty of big babies don't tend to self settle. They often still need our help whether it is by holding, rocking, feeding etc. Also little babies rarely "sleep through". I know for many weeks that Maggie never had long stretches of sleep. In those early days it really was a repetitive cycle of feeding, changing and sleeping.

    Do you mind explain exactly what you expect from her at the moment? Maybe if you alter your expectations then it wont be so stressful for both you and her. Just asking this as I got both Maggie and myself so stressed after listening too much to the "should brigade". Once I realised that I was expecting the wrong thing for us, the situation improved greatly.

    I found what really helped me was a sling (Hug-A-Bub) etc. Maggie would often fall asleep in it (as long as I was moving around). It has the advantage that Bubs gets a good sleep and you can get a few things done, which in turn helps reduce your own stress levels.

  3. #3

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    Up until 9 weeks, Coco had no routine whatsoever, and didn't sleep well at all. I was VERY lucky to get a 3 hour stretch at night. Mostly she woke every 2 hours or so. In the day she was known to go 12 hours NO nap!! Really it took the first 9 weeks of this until she was able to go down on her own and sleep for longer periods. We actually had 3 months of sleeping through. Now she's 6 months and since 5 months she's been waking up all through the night!! Only thing I can say is that I didn't expect her to sleep well, so Im not overly upset about it. Sure Im tired, but I know that I can't expect her to be a perfect sleeper at this age. Hang in there and if things don't improve or aren't how you like them, maybe look on the internet for some sleeping ideas (or books). But don't expect too much, that's when it gets upsetting!! Good luck, and just know there are LOTS of mums out there in a similar situation!! xoxoxo

  4. #4

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    Scrappy - Tallon is only JUST starting to have stretches of sleep longer than about 2 or 3 hours. Day sleeps are still a bit of a struggle. And we had many times where he would only fall asleep (and stay asleep!) if I was cuddling him, or if he was lying on my chest. The hugabub suggestion is a good one. I have one, but have only really used it when going out. The things I need to get done around the house I don't feel like I can do with him in it. But anything is worth a try!

    My mum keeps telling me I'm spoiling him cuddling and feeding him to sleep all the time... but I feel it's paying off.. because he's starting to sleep longer now and he really is SUCH a happy baby

    I just keep in mind that he's a new little person that has NO idea what's going on in this world, and needs the reassurance of having his mummy & daddy there to cuddle him and make him feel safe. I didn't have a problem with constant crying, but he would just wake all the time after falling asleep.

    Just remember at this early stage both of you still need to get used to each other, so just try and relax and give her what she needs for a little while. Forget about trying to get anything done. Catnap WITH her during the day while cuddling. Enlist DH or family to do stuff around the house so you can just relax with bubs.

    Big hugs to you tho. I know it's tiring. But it's amazing how your body adjusts! Hope you feel much better soon.

  5. #5

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    Shes probably a little frightened of the outside world and maybe over stimulated. I would try to stop worrying about how much she should be sleeping and just try and enjoy her company. When you stress like that the babies pick it up as if it was their own feeling and then they are stressed too. So just relax, forget about house work etc... just enjoy your baby. Don't worry about self settling yet and during the night keep things quiet and dark so she learns the difference between day and night.

  6. #6

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    Aww scrappyfish we all know how it is... sleep is such a precious commodity! She is probably just getting used to the outside world... I think it is a little too young for her to self settle, that is something that will come much later.

    I agree with the others re hug-a-bug - I found it a godsend and even if you don't feel like doing anything with bubs in it... I used to grab the chance to sit on the couch with Matthew in mine, such a gorgoeus feeling having bubby sleeping on you like that!

    good luck

  7. #7
    Melinda Guest

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    I think what the others have said is right - at 2w of age babies can't settle themselves. It takes quite a long time for any baby to learn how to self-settle - it's a fine art!

    Rest assured that you most definitely are NOT alone - there are many other Mum's around the country (and indeed the world) who would be pacing the floors just like you are! I know it's hard work, believe me, I do. Definitely try the HAB or some other kind of pouch (whatever suits) to see if having her close to you helps her.

    Whenever she does sleep, make sure you put yourself down for a sleep too - make sure you get all the rest you can get.

    Be kind to yourself - it's hard when you're sleep deprived, but it does get better.

  8. #8

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    Sleep deprevation is the worst, but if you think some thing is wrong take her to the doctors for a check up. Your gut instinct is usually right. Remember the world is a whole new place for your little one and takes a little getting use to so don't worry too much about routine just yet, and once you have one it will change!

  9. #9

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    Thanks girls for the support. I really don't have any expectations of her, but I'm sure she needs more than half an hour's sleep in many hours.
    She is oversttimulated most of the time and we are doing our best to minimise the stimulation. I have just bought a baby carrier so am anxiously awaiting it's arrival....
    Thanks again

  10. #10

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    Its really hard. I know the first few weeks I didn't expect anything from Matilda but when we got to 10 weeks and feeding every 2 hours day & night I got a bit over it. I think the best thing I did during those first 6 weeks was have the hug-a-bub and co-sleep. I wouldn't have been able to function if I had to get out of bed for every feed & Matilda actually slept so much better at night in bed with us.

  11. #11

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    Oh I so hear you!. Kaitlyn was a catnapper and I totally dreaded approaching "bedtimes". People told me to let her cry as it was not good she would not sleep :-(. I kept being told it is not normal that she is sleeping so little ..not good for her . But she is totally fine and although it was hard on me it sure has not slowed her down!.

    We did alot of walking in the pram and little drives which soothed her .I know people say all this stuff can be bad for them but they are just bubbas! I wish I had carried her more so I think those pouches are a great idea!.

  12. #12
    Jodie259 Guest

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    Thank god I'm not alone either!!!
    I'm a first time mum and my baby boy is now 4wks & 4 days old... and for the last week or so he is barely sleeping at all. Particularly at night. He doesn't have colic or reflux, and he is overall very healthy. But he gets overtired, and just won't fall asleep. At first I thought it was "normal"... but my step mum said that it's not normal behaviour. Most babies sleep for 3-4 hour blocks. I realise that he is not abnormal... just has a different way of learning & coping. I just worry about his lack of sleep & the distressing tears. I hope he settles sooner rather than later. Not only is he upset & tired... so is his mummy & daddy :-)

  13. #13

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    Scrappy,

    I'm soooooooo hearing you right now! I was exactly the same with Jessica for the first 6 months of her life. I was even prescribed PND medication because I was soooo bone tired that the mere mention of the word 'sleep' welled tears in my eyes.

    You are definitely NOT alone and the thing you really have to focus on is that there IS light at the end of the tunnel & she WILL learn to sleep and STAY asleep, but all in her own good time.

    Jessica was a screamer too and I actually lost a few friends because I wouldn't accept dinner invitations and never invited people over because once she started screaming, she didn't stop, sometime for hours on end. I saw that as a reflection of my parenting skills and thought people would be saying things behind my back about her constant crying.

    In saying all that, Jessica is now 19 months old and PERFECT at bedtimes and sleeping through the night. Do whatever you can to get her to sleep and if you have to hold her to keep her asleep, then do it. I sought some advice for Jessica and I was told that you can't mould sleeping patterns properly until they are 6 months old and have some form of memory and comprehension.

    Hang in there Matey.

    Jayne

  14. #14

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    i can totally relate! my little man is now 12 weeks and for the first 6 weeks would keep me up screaming all night and then have only cat-naps throught the day.. he is still waking every 2-3 hour at night and cries sometimes, but it is so much better now! yes i am still very tired but your body does udjust.. my bub has colic so i know the screaming and lack of sleep is from his tummy ache..if yours continues maybe have this checked out. dr's dont usually help.. best to go to homeopath or the likes. BIG TIP the only thing that settles him when he is over-tired/crying is bouncing on a fit ball with him. this usually puts him to sleep then i transfer him into his swing that swings when he is sleeping..or carrying in sling. hey if it works?? i know how u feel good luck!

  15. #15
    angelique Guest

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    Gosh ladies, these sleepless nights are a killer.

    My little one has colic and reflux so the evenings are always a killer and I never get any time with my husband for dinner anymore. Dinner is more like a mear thought now even going to the toilet or having a shower.

    But I am glad I have the help of my mum as I could not live on 2-3 hours sleep a night. It was giving me a lot of health problems and still is.

    I don't know when things will get better but I am hanging in there and hoping it will someday soon.

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