Hi,
It is really confusing, isn't it? I think your mother is mistaking her responding to your needs and you being a bad sleeper for cause and effect. Not necessarily so! Maybe you were never in a routine because you were born a not very good sleeper! My mother imposed a strict routine on me, but I'm a dreadful sleeper pretty much anyway. Do what you feel works. Your daughter sounds delightful, and you sound like a great, switched on mother (as does your mother before you!)
Barb