You have the same gap between your 2 as i do between #2 and #3

Would it work if you told her you were going out for a few minutes but you'd return? Like going to the toilet, going to get a drink and just gradualy lengthen the time when you do but then always going back when you say you will to ensure her?

I also wonder if there is something more you can do for her to be a little calmer before bed? I understand you can't expect them to sleep as soon as they hit the pillow but her thrashing around like you describe really does sound like little brain is struggling to relax

What about some quiet music? Some quiet calming words? May not work if it's not something that she's used to though, could have the opposite effect.

Since stoping my feed to sleep routine i pretty much have to stay in DD's room until she is asleep also, and she does keep checking to see if i'm there until she is finally ready to go to sleep. It can take 10-15 min maybe but it's a pretty calm process. I do sit there and picture myself having to do it in years time as she may become dependant on it but i figure as soon as she understands when i say 'i'll be back in a minute' without getting upset i will start doing this. I have no idea if it will work though

Good luck though i hope you get a few other helpful suggestions