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Thread: There has to be a gentle way to do this...

  1. #1

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    Default There has to be a gentle way to do this...

    Hi,

    Well, our sleeping saga continues on into the 6 month...

    He has basically always been a terrible sleeper (except the first week )

    He did the 45 sleep cycle for a very long time, we went to Tweedle and used some of their non-cc methods, and his sleep really has improved...That was around the 3.5 month mark

    He used to only sleep in a hammock if you rocked him to sleep, now you can put him down and he will fall asleep himself... but he never really was good as resettling himself once he woke up (now any time between 45mins - 1hr)

    We have recently stopped wrapping him as he was growing out of his special wrap, and was unwrapping himself anyway, so we though he might as well begin the sleep unwrapped since he ended up that way anyway - he sleeps well unwrapped which we were really suprised about, although has a bad time playing around for the first 20 mins or so cos he likes to roll around, throw his dummy out of the cot etc

    I had been co-sleeping with him from about 4 months onwards, which i'm trying to stop because although i think he found it comforting, when i moved in my sleep it would disturb him, so i think its better for him to sleep not next to me (DH sleeps in a seperate bed as he has sleep apnoea)

    Anyway, i am trying to put him into a gentle routine, as he basically wakes up at the same time in the morning anyway (although i want to do in gently, so if i see that he needs to sleep or feed early, i am willing to adapt)... i just need to try something which might get his sleeping into a pattern (we are trying 2 hours up, 2 hours down), but he will sleep for the first 45 mins of the 2 hr sleep block, and then i normally spend the next 1 hr trying to get him to go back down, cos i know he is still tired and needs to sleep more...

    Ever since he was 4 months he has been waking every 4 hrs during the night to feed (which he does semi-properally, he probs has like 3/4 of a feed, not like a few sucks)... When i put him on solids (cos i got to the stage where i genuinally felt he was hungry) at 5 months, if he got to eat dinner (sometimes he was so thrown out by not sleeping all day that he would fall asleep at 5.30 and miss dinner), he would go 6 hrs and then 4 hrs..

    Last week he got his first tooth, and now he seems to be back on the every 4 hours sleep (he was waking every 2 hours), but i think he is more tired and grumpy during the say cos he doesn't get to sleep so well at night (he did used to go at least 6 hrs plus, more around 7 hrs before the 4 month mark)

    This is just all wearing me down.. as much as i believe in gentle parenting and don't want to every do cc with him, i'm getting to the stage where i can't cope..

    Before i was at least getting sleep at night so i could deal with him during the say, now i'm getting nothing, and am exhausted and get very easily frustrated



    I dont' want to take him back to a sleep school cos i know from 6 months they do cc...

    There has to be a gentle way to do it, where the result is he gets proper sleeps, because i geninely feel that is best for him and his developement

    Are there like gentle sleep schools i can go to??? Or even like a gentle mothercraft nurse that i can have come to my house???

    I don't believe that gentle parenting is letting your kid do whatever they want, cos he would stay up for 4-5 hours straight (and sometimes he does) if i let him.... he needs to learn to sleep, but i want him to do it in the least damaging/distressing way for him...

    PLease help me!

  2. #2

    Join Date
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    Default

    I wish they could invent a gentle mother & baby unit and it has been discussed heheh! Have you read Pinky's new book Yael? It's really great reading and I think it would be helpful for you
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children
    Author of Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know
    Follow me in 2015 as I go Around The World + Kids!
    Forever grateful to my incredible Mod Team and many wonderful members who have been so supportive since 2003.

  3. #3

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    Yael, it's important that you get your rest as well. It's no good for you, being worn out all the time. Believe me, there is a big difference between what is traditionally known as controlled crying and allowing your child to lie in his bed, grizzling for a while before nodding off. As per Kelly's post, I've found Pinky's books are really helpful. Lots of good tips. Another good one someone gave me was called "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley.

    Just a thought ... I'm wondering (as you mentioned you don't wrap him now) whether he has a sleeping bag and if that might help? Just in case he is waking himself up by kicking off the covers and getting cold. I know mine does that if not in his sleeping bag.

  4. #4

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    I am just checking out ebay to buy him a sleeping bag as he does tend to get out of the covers (and then pull them over his face and scare the hell out of me!)

    Although we do keep the room pretty well heated as I am always cold!

    He often needs to lie there grizzling for a while (like 5 - 10 mins), he does it on and off, and i agree, it isn't the same kind of distress level as crying, and he just needs to get it out of his system, so i let him... But sometimes he goes to sleep after this, and other times he builds up to a full on cry, and then i spend the next 1.5 hrs going in and out (settling him and then leaving him to nod off by himself).. he wakes up so alert (even though i know from experience that if i get him up he is tired after 30 mins) that he has real trouble getting back to sleep

    I am so sick of this... I dont eat properally, cos the time i should get to myself when he is down is constantly spent going into him, and then when is alseep at night thats when i do all the stuff i was supposed to get done during the day..

    I'm getting more and more exhausted and frustrated with him! I would honestly pay for somebody to come and show me how to get him into a good sleeping routine... i wish there was a gentle sleep school!

    grrr....

  5. #5

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    I hope things settle down soon Yael. I really feel for you.

    Mine has been a bit unsettled lately due to illness and travelling so I know how it can get. You wonder if things will ever get back into some kind of pattern!

    Have just PMd you with some info.

  6. #6

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    Yael he will get better for a while. When Matilda has something new happen in her life, or a tooth she often has her sleep disrupted for a week or two at most. Its awful & exhausting! Right now she is waking every 2 hours and she is 2! Its been three nights & last night she only woke twice so thats great, but the thing that is hard to remember when you are so tired yourself is that they will get better... *hugs*

  7. #7
    Sal Guest

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    Yael, (((huge hugs))). I have a boy that's not a great sleeper either. I have to have a battle of wills (him throwing or spitting the dummy out, grumbling etc) for up to an hour just to get him to have a 45 min nap! I get worn out from doing it but as I know he needs the sleep I just persevere. I hope you find something that works soon. Please let me know what it is when you do

  8. #8
    addbaby Guest

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    Dear Yael,
    Oh I feel for you!! Yes it is just so exhausting when they aren't good sleepers. My first little angel used to wake every half hour from the age of (cant remember exactly) 5 months through to 7 months and I bought a hammock (Amby Nature's Nest) that made all the difference. She was the sort of baby that needed to be rocked or walked to sleep though and that worked. When I say worked, I used to get more like 2 hours in a row overnight, which to me was heaven.

    I did go nuts though, until I found the fab books mentioned above (Elizabeth Pantley - No cry sleep solution; and a fab book by Dr. William and Martha Sears - I think it is called The night time parenting book). The good news was that when my first little one started to walk and use up lots more energy during the day she suddenly started sleeping for longer and longer until she slept all night from about 14 months. I never did any sort of cc or any real training methods, just kept feeding her when she woke and sometimes co-sleeping.

    My second bub is in bed with us every night (and most day sleeps) and doesnt like the hammock much, but I guess I dont care as much this time as I know eventually it will come to an end and they will sleep by themelves all to soon.

    So try to get some rest when bubs is sleeping, make sure you have quick snacks around for yourself to refuel and FORGET the housework until you feel better. Take Care,
    Ange

  9. #9

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    Yael, can someone help you out so you can get a good sleep at least for one night? i know its not a long term solution, but you'll feel more able to deal with everything. Good luck!

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