Big hugs Belle. I know how you feel. It gets me down to when mine act like that. One night i went to bed and cried for hours.
We have been using a TV lately. But not using new dvd's but ones he knows, like Bob that aleready been watched 10times, or thomas, or MASH.
I've got a gate over the doorway so that he can't come out of the room (cause he is in a toddler bed) & it has made things alot easier. He still plays up, like purposely getting himself stuck or falling out of his bed, but bed time is alot tamer now.
Its still hard at times .. but deep breaths help .. rubbing my youngest one on the head helps him & when he is settled, slowly moving out of the room.
have you tried relaxation music?
have you tried a tv?