For the third night in a row, DS, aged nearly two and a half, is in his bedroom. Asleep. He went in there awake. He went int there happily. This is unprecedented.
He had a short breast-feed, finished when he was ready, got up, had a drink of water, ran to his bed, gave me a kiss and a hug goodnight (DP's working late tonight), then I shut the door and left him to it. Not a peep, not a murmur. When DP got home, half an hour later, he was asleep.
This is a little boy, who, a week ago, would take anywhere up to two hours to feed to sleep. Bedtime was stressful because we never knew what we would get. Would it be a quick, easy feed to sleep and in bed by eight, or two hours of constant feeding until he finally fell asleep, or feeding followed by frenetic running around until he finally burned out and fell asleep? This latter was the worst (although feeding a toddler for two hours straight was not fun for me either), because when he was like this it was obvious that he wanted and needed to be asleep, but was at that point of exhaustion that turned into hyperactivity, and although we were always with him gently trying to help him calm down he would get frustrated and upset. Even though he was giving all of the signals of just wanting to be given some space to wind-down by himself, we couldn't leave him because once he was at that point of frustration he'd get destructive and was in danger of hurting himself if we left him in his room by himself (not to mention that it's not in line with our ethos of gentle parenting to walk out on an upset child). Even so, I would have to leave the room and let DP stay with him, because he'd constantly cry for a feed if I was there, but refuse and get even more upset when offered. I hated to leave him when he was calling for me, even though it meant that he would calm quicker, and DP was being turned into the sleep 'bad guy'. These bad nights, once infrequent, were starting to turn into the norm.
Three nights ago, after possibly one of the worst nights we'd had, where we tried everything we could possibly think of with no success, we thought we'd try something new. Even with v2.0 on the way, I have no plans to wean DS and am happy to tandem feed until he decides he's ready to stop, but wanted to decrease his dependence on feeding as a sleep aid before the new bub arrives. We decided that before bed I'd feed him for as long as he wanted, but not to sleep (normally I'd feed him in a darkened room, I fed him in a different, lit room). Once he had finished feeding we'd offer him a drink of water, then take him to bed, give him a kiss and a cuddle, then quickly leave the room. The first night - it worked. Straight away!! He protested a little being taken into the bedroom, but we quickly kissed him goodnight and left the room, shut the door, and he immediately calmed down. He didn't fall asleep for nearly an hour, but was perfectly content to be in his room until he fell asleep. The next night, we took him into his room without any protest. Tonight, he went into his room of his own accord and was asleep within half an hour!
Even though we still have his last set of molars to come through, and the new bub may have an effect on his sleep, this is the most positive we've felt about his sleep, and we've done it gently. It also seems that this has happened on his terms and at a point where he was ready. It does feel like we've just assisted him to find his own pattern (even though it's taken a really long time and has been at some cost to our own sleep and sanity) rather than forcing him to accept a routine, and I'm quite proud of all of us.
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Two & a half years later - a sleep whoo hoo!
Lets hope he keeps this up for a little longer now
Congratulations
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