I know exactly how you feel and I send you sympathetic thoughts . . . there were days when I felt like my brain and body were going to burst open with the frustration and despair. Kai is 14mths old now, and only slept through last week for the first time, so I share your pain. I remember that he was especially bad at around 6 months - waking every hour and HAD to have boobie to go back to sleep and HAD to be in my bed. As other wise women before me have said, remember "this too shall pass". Grit your teeth, you are doing the right thing for your little girl and you WILL survive! And when you've come through the other side, you will be so pleased with yourself that you didn't resort to anything you didn't really want to do. And that will strengthen you for your future challenges.
Don't listen to your mothers' group . . . by choosing gentle methods, we are choosing the harder road. But in the long run it will be the more rewarding path. I bet almost every mum whose baby is sleeping well has done CC in some form or another - out of 13 mums in our group only 2 of us have never done CC in any shape - and our 2 bubs are the worst sleepers! CC is popular because it is makes parents' lives easier - but it's not about us, is it?
Reading gentle parenting books and coming on to this site made me feel more 'normal' - that I wasn't a freak for not wanting to CC!! And that Kai wasn't the only non-sleeping baby in the world! Once I accepted that he was never going to sleep for more than 20mins during the day, I found it so much easier - I just let it go and stopped fretting about it and trying things to get him to sleep more. He still doesn't sleep much during the day.
In terms of practical advice, I found my evenings improved out of sight once I started bfing to sleep (admitedly when he was much younger) and then laying him down in his bassinet, next to our bed (if your DD isn't rolling yet, you could put her on your bed, where your smell might comfort her), I knew I'd be back again in an hour to do it again, but it gave me a gap to eat, and he slowly improved.
One last thing - I get really irritated with people who tell you that your baby has you wrapped around their little finger . . . of COURSE you are - that's EXACTLY where you SHOULD be!! We're designed that way . . . and nature knows best.
This has also been a long post, and probably not very useful, but I hope I've added to the other voices telling you you're not doing anything wrong, you're doing it all RIGHT, it's hard but you're doing well and keep it up.
Hi Emma
Can only add to the love comin' in from everyone.. you poor thing.. it's a horrible time but as all the others say, you should back yourself and your own instinct. You've probably heard this a billion times before, but I reckon the best way to happy babydom is routine, routine, routine. No matter what else happens in the day, we do:
bath at 6.30,
breastfeed (now bottle) in a dim room,
good burp (v. important cos our baby is windy!),
story
lights off and little rock in the rocking chair with lullabies playing
into his cot leaving lullabies on.
If he is unsettled, we don't pick him up, we stand by the cot and shhh with gentle patting. Or sit him up and pat his back which generally gets the wind out. He knows we are there and so the cot isn't a scary place.. don't know if this helps.
Good luck, you are doing fabulously, and remember all the mums in your group are probably lying!
Bid
I have five kids and all of them have been gentally parented.. I love my little kids so very much.. my youngest is 8 mths old atm and we have just come out of a patch that you describe. He would not go to bed on his own and as long as he was with me (or his dad) he was happy.. It made it really hard to get the dishes done and other stuff but we worked around it for the babies sake.. I really dont believe in letting a baby under 1 cry pretty much for any reason. All of my kids have gone into their own bed when i needed them to with a little persuasion.
You carried your baby with you for 9mths and now you have to carry with your arms. I dont think there is any difference.
as to doing anything wrong.. your not. your doing what works for you and you need to realise that is right.
I really believe that you cant spoil a baby under 1. they need all the love they can get..
I think maybe we should start a mothers group for our babies. I too feel like I'm the only one with a bub who doesn't sleep through (past 6am in the morning).
My 4 months old has just gone bonkers, waking up crying few times at night and only booby will settle (mostly every hour or two). I have not had any sleep since Tue last week.
Hi Emma,
I wanted to tell you it DOES get better. Then worse .Then Better. And so on. It's such a learning curve and you're doing a great job. As for what works, well I can only say what worked for us. Like Bid, we found DD responded really well to a night time routine that included a bath, bottle, cuddle and story, then bed. We found wrapping made a big difference, and we'd stand beside the bassinette gently patting but making no eye contact until dd was settled, then stand there till she was asleep. If she cried, we picked her up and comforted her then started again. The first few times this seemed to take up to 1 hour, then 40min, 30 min etc, and after a couple of weeks she was self settling really well. Oh yeah, we always put her to bed awake. Kinda dopey, but still awake, so she wouldnt go to sleep and get a fright when we were'nt there anymore.
thanks for your support guys.... i got rid of the dummy a while ago and must admit this has really helped..... but it is so true, it gets better, then worse, then terrible, then better and so on..... i think i've just realised its never really going to be structured and stable and routine because she is constantly changing and growing and developing... and she is such a little individual she is never going to be a predictable baby and i love her for her unique-ness and keeping me on my toes.... she is at present sleeping hence my positive perspective for a change!!
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