My brain is working overtime.. I too worry that its going to be the "married man promise". I really hope it isnt because he will loose alot of friends.
How do I move forward from this? I have no idea what my next step should be
I'm confused as to why he'd be OK for you to have more children, but doesn't want more kids even though he plans on being with you in future. If that's the case, then he'll have more kids - just by being with you. He may be in a very stressful situation so not be able to think stright. But if he's not willing to be with you, then he can't tell you who you can or can't sleep with. Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too.
If the doctors are telling you to have children now or not at all, then it's your choice. Is there any wayfor public funding to freeze your eggs?(I have no idea about these things)
Another biggie to think about is the biological father has legal rights to the child if you have one including having to provide child support, shared custody etc. How much of your life are you prepared to share -because that's at least 18 years of communication, negotiation and shared parenting. I'd at least be ensuring the potential sperm donor has compatible values and beliefs about raising a child. It's difficult enough for parents in a relationship together.
It's a sucky situation to be in. I hope you canwork it out.
Oh gosh that is a difficult situation, I can understand why you are going around in circles.
It seem like to have some one who is a 'maybe partner in the future' fathering a child would put a huge pressure on the relationship and might kill it before it even gets a chance to find it's own feet. I just think it would be hard to build a relationship with him in such an extreme situation IYKWIM. And what it he turns out to be not such a nice guy, where would that leave you and your second child?
Would you be able to use the services of a sperm bank to allow you to have child number 2, then you can see how things pan out with the nice guy (or another nice guy should one happen to come along) without the pressure of him being the father and having to have a role in there somewhere. Sorry I don't know if this is an option for you or not.
it sounds like this "nice guy" who wants to be with possibly next year......maybe playing games....
First off, you arent together so you can sleep with whoever you want, if he is serious then he will make his feelings known and try to be the best he can be by doing right by his child and you.
Also if he cant be with you know due her issues, when baby is born its going to 100 times worse.
Wow, what a sticky situation.
I have to agree. As much as i hate to admit it, this ex-girlfriend may never go away. My own relationship has encountered a woman like this and after 10 years she still hasn't disappeared. I would definitely look into other options for a pregnancy at a later stage. There has to be something they can help you with.
I hope you can find some answers and wish you best of luck
Last edited by Marley&Me; October 16th, 2010 at 03:57 PM.
Can you talk to your doctor about alternatives? Can you get some counseling to help you decide what is best for you and your son. Moving forward takes one step and a bit of courage.
I would ask him straight out. Leave your ex properly, be open about his feelings/relationship with you. You don't have time to sit around waiting for him. If he can't commit to you now then you need to let it go. Move on.
Grieve the relationship that it could have been (and really who know it could off all gone pear shape after a few months anyway. How do you know you would have been suited as a couple KWIM?)
concentrate on you & your 2 yr old & just take life as it comes.
Is it possible more could come from the friend who made the offer? maybe he is your Knight in shinning armour.....
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