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Thread: How does your man cope with the TTC journey?

  1. #1
    goldilocks Guest

    Default How does your man cope with the TTC journey?

    Well, we all know how horrendous the TTC journey can be for us women! ](*,) But I’m interested to know how your DH/DF/DP deals with it. No-one seems to talk about how their men cope so I’d love to hear your stories! I'll start off with a few of mine...

    My DH is (in his own words) so clucky it’s not funny! He’s now counting down the days in the dreaded TWW and hates BFN’s (and AF) with a passion! LOL Every morning after I’ve taken my BBT he asks me what it is and coos ‘oooh’ or ‘aaaah’ depending on the result!

    Just last weekend took a friend’s plane and did some aerobatic flying (my DH is a pilot/flying instructor…that’s actually how we met, he was my flying instructor ). We had an absolutely amazing time and DH was beaming from ear-to-ear because he doesn’t get the chance to do aerobatics nearly as often as he’d like. Anyway, that night we were watching TV and he saw an ad for the baby expo that was on at Darling Harbour. He couldn’t believe that I hadn’t told him it was on and said that he would happily have given up his whole weekend to take me to the expo :smt058 AWWWWWWWWWWWWW

    Last night when we were cleaning our teeth before bed, he got down on his knees in front of me, pulled up my pyjama top and started kissing my tummy, saying that he hoped that his little swimmers had found my egg this month :smt057 AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW God I love that man, he just makes my heart melt.

    It’s just so hard because you don’t want to let them down. I know that my DH was crushed last month when AF reared her ugly head. And I know that he’ll be just as crushed this month if we don’t get pregnant He knows what it takes to get pregnant and we’re doing everything possible to make it happen. It’s only our second month actively TTC (I stuffed up my ovulation day in month one so at least I know why we didn’t fall pregnant then! 8-[ ) and I’m sure we’ll still have many months of trying ahead of us. But I just HATE letting him down!

    I’m sure a lot of you lovely ladies are in the same boat…your DH/DF/DP gets excited every month only to be let down when AF arrives. At least we can be thankful that we have such wonderful support from our future daddies. There’s a lot of comfort in knowing that they want a bub as much as we do!

    Wow, sorry about the mammoth post….got a little carried away there 8-[



    I would love to hear anyone else’s stories about how their man copes with TTC! :flower:

    Lots of babydust,
    Goldilocks
    -xxxooo-

  2. #2

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    thats lovely!

    my dh is not coping very well anymore at all. he seems to cope fine but he wont talk about things and he keeps everything all bottled up and then lets it all out in argument at the beginning of af each month.

    he will not express his feelings like i do and that makes me really unhappy.

    every month he gets secretly excited and then gets upset with our bfns too.

    they just dont have the bone in their body to cope with long term ttc

  3. #3

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    :wave: goldilocks,
    My DH is much the same as yours, I never knew men could get so clucky it blows me away sometimes. I use maybe baby to detect ovulation and DH can't wait to see if there are ferns, if I test when he is at work he comes home and asks "were there ferns".

    Dh also talks to my belly during the tww, we have been TTC for 10 months now and he gets a little upset when :af: arrives, and asks me when we are going to get our Nathan Thomas (dh middle name & his Grandfather name)

    I am so lucky to have his support he reminds me everyday why we started this whole journey and why we continue month after month.
    Rach

  4. #4

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    Hi Goldilocks,

    my hubby sounds similar to yours as well. He's always asking me what my temp is and he looks at my FF chart when I'm entering my info. He's such a sweetie! Just yesterday I found out that one of my closest friends at work is PG. It made me feel jealous and I feel guilty for feeling that way. I really am happy for her so I did my best to show her that I am. It's just that she's been taking the approach of "I'll get PG when it happens", and I feel like we've been trying for an eternity. Anyway, when I got home, I told DH, and it upset him too, he so wants to be a daddy and he'll be a damn good one too!!!

    Sorry for that, I had to get it off my chest. I feel better now. Thanks!!!

    jleigh

    Me 25 :smt057 DH 25
    Married Sept '05
    TTC #1

  5. #5

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    Hi girls!
    My DH sounds similar to yours. He talks to my tummy a lot, asks how my little eggies are today and chats to the baby.
    He thinks I'm in a perpetual state of being 'knocked up' so chats to the baby a lot, even pre-O, during AF, anytime. He's convinced I just don't know Im pregnant yet. It is soooo sweet and a really positive influence.

    He has only just started to take an interest in my temping/CM stuff beacuse before he wanted it to be a bit of a surprise and we were both a bit surprised it didn't happen first time (like they threaten you with at high-school)

    I guess I feel like Im letting him down if I get sad when AF arrives. He's just in a constant state of clucky excitement over the next cycle or the next one or the next one. It's just lovely

  6. #6

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    Gee, I wish my Dh was a bit more like all of yours. He never gets clucky or anything, but is secretly pleased sort of thing. I suppose the whole thing just doesn't fuss him IYKWIM? But then we have never had to go through several cycles to get pg either, so there hasn't been that anticipation every month to get worried about.

  7. #7

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    the guys at work (all of which were at our wedding last nov) say that my DH must love me VERY MUCH if he is willing to have a whopping great needle stuck in his balls so we can have kids.

    I don't know how DH is going to take it when we do start to TTC, when I have to sniff etc. He has 3 kids, 2 of which he hasn't seen for over 4 years and it is killing him, the other is from a one nite stand who didn't bother telling him she was pregnant until after bub was born so he doesn't have much to do with either of them. I know he misses his two sons, we're just hoping that the creature of an x (geeze i have some names for females in my life - my new sil is "thing", our stalker is "it" and dh's x is "creature") hasn't done too much lasting damage to the boys and that when they get a bit older (they're 14 & 12) that they'll want to see their father. If they had been younger we would have fought for full custody of the boys, but at the age they are their wishes are taken into consideration in family court, we've been advised we can't even get a visitation order to stick.

  8. #8
    goldilocks Guest

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    Thank you SO much for sharing your stories, girls...you've put the biggest smile on my face!

    I love my DH's eternal optimism. Even when I'm down in the dumps, convinced that it's never going to happen for us, he's always there giving me a pep talk and telling me that he WILL make me a mumma :smt057 And besides, being a pilot, he's convinced that he has rocket-powered swimmers so they're going to make it happen sooner rather than later!

    Danni I'm so sorry to hear that your DH is having a rough time of it at the moment You've got to encourage him to talk about how he's feeling and let him know that it's perfectly normal because you're going through the same up's and down's. Big hugs Dan and I [-o< that you both become parents very very soon!

    Rach I didn't think that guys could get so clucky either so I was really surprised when mine started getting into it as much as I am! It's great that your DH is so supportive and reminds you every month why you're continuing to try. I hope that you both get your precious Nathan Thomas very soon! :flower:

    Jleigh your DH sounds like a sweetie! I sooooooo hear you about other people getting PG when they're not even trying that hard! Initially, my DH wanted to take the attitude of 'when it happens, it happens'. I had to sit him down and tell him that there are only a few days each month when I can actually conceive so it's a lot harder than he thinks! He was fine after that, and now obsesses about it as much as I do How long have you been trying to conceive? A month in TTC land seems like an eternity, huh! ](*,) Wishing you a BFP very very soon!

    Wattle that is so sweet that your DH thinks that you're always knocked up! You've gotta love that optimism!! O All the best with your TTC journey and I [-o< it happens for you both very soon.

    Sherie I think you need to send some dust: our way! You lucky thing, being able to conceive so quickly! And you're right, he doesn't really have time to get clucky if it's happened so quickly every time!

    Schaz yup, the guys at your work are right. It sounds like your DH loves you like crazy. How many guys would go through having a needle stuck in their balls for the sake of making a baby?! I love your names...my DH's ex-wife is 'she-devil' :smt021 I'm not sure what your situation is re. TTC but I wish you tons of dust: and hope it happens for you very very soon :flower:

    Thanks again for sharing your wonderful stories, girls. You really have made my day!

    Lots of lots of dust: :bdust: to us all!

    Love Goldilocks
    -xxxooo-

  9. #9

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    goldilocks,

    We have been on this ttc journey for a very long time and still the hardest part for me is seeing the crushed look on my DH face every month when AF rears her ugly head.

    I remember the day almost 4 years ago when DH and I decided we wanted to have a baby. It was the happiest day of my life (equally with my wedding) we went on a long walk and talked and talked about having children and the joy that would bring into our lives. Even though I had many female issues in the past, I guess a part of me thought that it would just happen. The first couple of years it was all quite casual, we had alot going on in our lives and while I was quietly disappointed when AF came every month we didn't really talk about it. DH was very reluctant to talk about anything to do with ttc as he felt it would jinx us. Last year I had to go and have an operation to look at things & remove some endo. It was after this that we decided it was time to get serious. My DH is very involved in this journey, he is just wonderful. He so supportive of whatever alternative therapy I choose to take, he will take whatever vitamins I suggest might be worth trying, he does not drink during the time of the month that we call the bd-athon (sex-a-thon to him!!!), he takes his temp every morning as a show of support to me, he is there to hug & comfort me when I get sad. Bascially I could not ask for a better man to be on this difficult journey with.

    It took awhile to get him to talk about his feelings, but it was a case of I had to help him to help myself iykwim. He HATES pregnancy tests and he doesn't even look at them (too many times of me saying, I am sure there is a line) .

    I hope you have a BFP really soon.

    xox

  10. #10

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    :wave: lovley ladies,

    It's nice to know we all have the support of our DH/DP/DF. Reading everyone's posts made me cry a little because I know there will be a whole generation of wonderfull kids who are happy, healthy, and well adjusted because they have the love and support of two fantastic parents who wanted nothing more in this world then them.
    lets hope may is the month girls.
    xxx
    Rach

  11. #11
    goldilocks Guest

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    lil_chookie, huge to you.

    It absolutely breaks my heart to hear of such deserving people TTC for so long

    Your DH sounds like an absolute sweetheart That is so so wonderful of him to take his temperature every morning as a show of support. What an angel you have! O It certainly makes the journey easier to bear when you have support like that.

    Yes, I think we all believe that it will just 'happen'...that we can start trying and fall PG a month later. If only it were that easy! Instead, we have to put ourselves through this torture day after day, month after month. But you know what, when you see the end result, all the heartache and disappoint is SO worth it! :bellyrub:

    I noticed on one of the other forums that you're thinking of fostering children sometime in the future. I just wanted to tell you a little story about someone in my family who was in the same boat. My auntie and her DH were trying to conceive for many many many years, but to no avail. So they decided to adopt. No sooner had they adopted a set of twins (boy + girl!) than she found out she was pregnant!!!! She went on to conceive three of her own children thereafter

    I guess what I'm trying to say it please please please NEVER give up hope! Miracles can and do happen!!!

    Wishing you all the dust: :bdust: dust: :bdust: in the world!!!

    Lots of love,
    Goldilocks
    -xxxooo-

    P.S. I had a sneak peek at your website. You are an absolutely BEAUTIFUL woman...your DH is a very lucky man

  12. #12

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    Thank you goldilocks

    I have heard serval stories like you aunties, I feel so happy for those who have had that happen. For us if we can't ever have a child of our own we are so excited at the thought of being able open our home and give love & comfort to others children who need it.

    But we never give up hope, if you don't have hope what do you have


    xox

  13. #13
    goldilocks Guest

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    Rach you're so right, we can all count our blessings for having such wonderfully supportive men to share the TTC journey with. Our little ones, whenever they arrive, will be sooooo loved and wanted from both mummy AND daddy. And that is a wonderful thing :smt057

    lil_chookie, if I had a dollar for every time I heard a story like my auntie's I'd be a wealthy woman! Life is a funny thing - never predictable and always full of surprises Stay positive and you never know what might happen :flower:

    Emma firstly congratulations on your PG!!! It sounds like Stu was a wonderful support to you whilst you were TTC and I hope he's just as supportive throughout your pregnancy. I hope you have nothing but smooth sailing throughout the rest of your pregnancy!

    Thanks again for sharing your stories, girls

    And bring on the May s!!!

    Lots of love,
    Goldilocks
    -xxxooo-

  14. #14
    Lizzie33 Guest

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    Hi Goldilocks and others, I have just this morning had an ultrasound and heaps of blood tests done - had to go to 3 places because none of the ladies could get blood from me. Have told DH this morning that he will need to provide a 'sample' (my GP gave me a form for him), which he was fine about. But when he asked how we would get the results I said that my Dr would probably give them to me next week at my next appointment, he went balistic... kept going on about how I think he is just the sperm donor etc... I can understand how he feels I guess, I know I wouldn't want anyone else to be given results about my own fertilty, but I am upset a little because I know he wants children, and for months now he has been watching me do the OPK's, charting and taking vitamins, and he has done bugger all to improve his own diet and lifestyle. I feel like it is all up to me to get the ball rolling, otherwise we will never have children. We have never had a huge amount of sex, which I know he resents.. because I have never had great libido, but I can't help thinking that he feels 'its all coming back to haunt me now I want to have children'. I'm not sure whether to leave all this tracking I am supposed to do for a while....all this pressure is getting to me.

  15. #15
    goldilocks Guest

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    Mindy, huge :hugs: to you my dear...sounds like you've been through an ordeal this morning.

    I'm really sorry to hear that your DH went ballistic about your doctor getting his results. Maybe you could suggest that he come along with you when you go back to get the results next week? At least that way he'll feel more like he's a part of the process and not just a sperm donor

    I'm sure all our men feel like they're being treated as sperm donors at some point in time. I guess it's more noticable if you had a low libido before TTC and now have an endless appetite for BDing! But Mindy, if you want to BD all the time now, surely that's an indication to your DH that you REALLY REALLY REALLY want a baby. He's got to be happy about that!

    As to temping, OPKs, etc I guess sometimes they can make us stress out more than help us! This is only our second cycle TTC and I've found that temping has helped me to pinpoint ovulation very accurately. I ordered some OPKs from Fertility Naturopath for next month (if this month is a dud). I've noticed a few of the other girls recently stopping OPKs, temping etc. As I've only been TTC for a few months, I can't say how stressful it all is after TTC for longer...I've only found them to be helpful so far. But if you really feel like you need a break, then maybe that's the best thing. After all, how is a little bubba going to stick if you're stressing all the time?!

    Wishing you truckloads of dust: :bdust: Mindy, and I hope that your test results are favourable next week :flower:

    Love
    Goldilocks
    -xxxooo-

  16. #16

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    My DH is so positive about it all. He always tells me it will happen when its supposed to happen and all that type of stuff. I, however, am very impatient with this type of thing, but only because I waited two years for him to want to start TTC too. Anyway, he is positive, sometimes too much so, and tells me not to worry or stress over it, which is sweet, but also a little annoying.
    He got a bit freked out when i told him that you cant just get pregnant any old time of the month. I dont think he understands how it works. He isnt really interested in charting and stuff, and is definately not in a hurry to have kids.

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