I missed many months of DS1's life too, and for that I'll always be sad, but I can tell you it was totally worth it and Im glad I had them fairly close together. Watching DS1 and 2 together and the bond they have is so beautful. Everytime DS1 says his brother is his best friend it just melts my heart. Yes I missed out on some of DS1's 2nd year, but the gift I gave him was amazing. This is why I was willing to put myself through hell to do it again (though it hasnt got to that yet).
I am in a similar position to you, DD is 17 months old and we are TTC no. 2. I don't think I have any brilliant advice on how to get over the fear of being like that again, but the things I have done are a) taken a few months between thinking about TTC and actually taking that step, and using that time to get used to the idea of going through it again, and b) mentally preparing myself for it to be really really bad again, like just assume it is going to worse next time and then if it is worse I will be ready for it and if it is not as bad it will be a happy surprise. But mostly just taking time to think about it and mentally prepare. I suppose at the end of the day not having another baby is not a path I will choose, so given I have established that fact I just need to grit my teeth, be the tough cookie I know I can be and get on with it.
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