Ok I'm not sure if this is the right spot to put this, but I'm thinking that maybe out there someone has felt the same way as me. I'm not going to re-write what i posted in the TTC 1-6 mth thread, i'll just copy and past:

I'm feel pretty good about AF, but yesterday after telling my SIL that AF was probably going to arrive she goes on to ask me what 2 lines on a HPT means if 2nd line isn't as dark as the control. well i had to explain it to her without having to total crying fit! even now i find it pretty hard to type about it and not cry. so then I had to work all day with her yesterday. I get home and i tell DP and pretty much i just fell a part. I know i haven't been TTC for very long, but I can't wait to be PG. this is really SILs first month TTC and she wasn't even really trying. SIL is someone who doesn't really want kids, is only doing it because thats what her DH and father wants her to do. She says that she doesn't want anything to do with the baby and that she wants to come back to work straight away (i know that might change once she has the baby), and really she doesn't even need to work as her daddy bought her house for her and he can give her any money that they need. I was so upset about it last night. I said to DP how am i supposed to be happy for them when all i want to do when i think about it is cry! I know it sounds like i'm being petty, but i really don't know how i'll cope if its confirmed as a +ve. I just find it unfair that I really want it, yet its not happening for us and she doesn't really care, in fact doesn't want it as yet and she may be PG.

So this is what I wrote just before:

ok more on my SIL saga. Don't get me wrong she is a lovely girl and I love her to pieces, but then only reason she decided to go off OCP is because she couldnt be bothered buying it anymore. I don't think she is insensitive, just very Inward looking, she doesn't see how some things might affect other people! IN fact she is "worried" that she might be PG! So here is my problem, she still might not even be pg, but after 3 positive HPTs i think the chances are probable, how am i supposed to be happy about this? Everyone else in my family is going to be over the moon, i mean its a grandchild! They all know we are TTC and if i act sad its probably likely that they will tell me to get over it. I want to be happy for them, but at the moment i'm finding it very hard not to snap at SIL (who i work with). I'm just so ****ed off right now! I feel like asking her "how could you do this to me?". I know its all very selfish of me and i keep telling myself to get over it, but at the moment i can't.

So i need some advice, how do i get over this? I want to be happy for them, but at the moment i'm just not feeling it.

There might be a chance that she isn't even PG, but i am trying to prepare myself for if she is. I am really happy for them, but i'm just so sad that it isn't me. I keep telling myself its only been 5 mths and I KNOW that isn't a long time.. And knowing how insensitive my brother is, i just don't want him saying anything to me. I can't talk to my mum about it because its not my news to share with her, plus she won't really know how i am feeling because she will be happy about the Grand kid. I've only got DP and you guys to talk to about this. I just really want to be happy for them. I also want to be supportive of her because i know she is so scared, but I just can't be at the moment. How do i get over this?

Really sorry its so long!