So confused......

**Anila** · June 9th, 2009, 12:05 AM

Ok so i have been sitting here all night going through so far 27 pages in the conception forum looking for anything that i can relate too, lol.

So i am on cd35 and today i had a small 10 cent size pale pink spotting, i thought its too late for implant bleed and i thought i od somewhere between cd17 and 19, so i thought af was on the way, so far no af, doesnt mean she is not comming but havent had any more sign of her.

Im so confused, in a way im causing my own confusion by stressing over all this.

So far my cycles have been cd 28, 32, 35, 42, 40, then i got my bfp then i lost my bfp at 6 weeks 2 days, i had what i thought was o pain on cd17, 18 and 19, I used to o on cd 19, but only a dot of clear cm on cd18, i have had sore boobs and cramping almost everyday since, also feeling queasy the last week.
I have had more cm in the past week than i have had all month.

I put my longest two cycles of 42 and 40 days in the o calender and it gave me an o day of cd 27 and cd29, we dtd on cd 27, so the timing is right, i had some low lying cramps on that day and some wet cm ( but could have been the spemies comming out), i havent had my usual dolop of ewcm at all since the mc.
The o calender put me at 8 dpo on the 42 day cycle and said implantation could happen today, then said have u had any spotting! So that got my hopes up.

Im just so confused as to what my body is doing, and not knowing what cycle im having this month i dont know when af is due.

Could it be possiable that the pain i had on cd17-19 was not o, and that i have o late, and had no o signs at all, or am i clutching on to straws and the spotting i have will turn into af?

( i know u cant really answer my queastion, but i just needed to get it off my chest.)

I will test in a few days if no more spotting and af hasnt shown.

Thanks

**~Trish~** · June 9th, 2009, 08:10 AM

It's so confusing isn't it? My cycles went really strange after I had an early m/c last August. The next cycle gave me lots of confusing symptoms. I really don't have any answers for you sorry

. I have my fingers tightly crossed that you get a BFP.

**Anila** · June 9th, 2009, 08:40 AM

Thanks Trish, I know its a long shot, but i keep thinking what if the pains i had, that i thought were o, were not o at all, and i have o later and didnt realise it!
I thought i would wake to more spotting or af today and so far nothing.
Usually my pre af spoting its more than just a 10 cent piece size and more like a big smear at least 2-3 times in the day, for 3-4 days then af shows either on the 3rd day in the evening or the 4th day in the morning.
But since the mc who knows..

**ttcanxiety** · June 9th, 2009, 09:51 AM

Hugs hun, i dont know what else to say, i hope you pains were just "im due to o so i should be feeling a pain" kinda pain.

**LittleOnes** · June 9th, 2009, 12:46 PM

anila, I hear your pain here... I'm in the same boat. CM has been so unpredictable. Haven't had any spotting but constantly getting pangs here and there. ALWAYS have 28 day cycle and now am on CD31 with possible O on cd25 but I don't think that's accurate. I guess all I can say is that we'll have to wait it out together and see what our bodies say for this month. Like you, I hope I can get a BFP but I'm kinda not too hopeful on that front as my temp is dropping and I don't think that's promising.

I've just spent the morning going through all the FF pregnancy charts and trying to see how many of them my chart matches. haha yeah, that was so encouraging, not.

Good luck honey, let's get that bfp together hey?!

**Anila** · June 9th, 2009, 01:09 PM

Thanks ttcanxiety, a hug is just what i need.

Smallfryplus, its just driving me crazy, as im sure u are well aware of the craziness that come with the tww.
I really deap down inside dont think i have delt with the mc as well as i think i have, cause im just still so angry.
Im not even sure who i am angry with.
It took 5 months to get that baby, and now i dont know if i have another 5 months in me, i had a time frame that i wanted to be pregnant in, i know it doesnt always happen that way, but i really thought it would.
any way, i had some watery pink, i know it still falls in the "implantation catergory" but i really think its af.
I think i just need to accept it so it can come and i can get on with month #7 ttc a sticky baby!

**LittleOnes** · June 9th, 2009, 02:16 PM

I really deap down inside dont think i have delt with the mc as well as i think i have, cause im just still so angry.
Im not even sure who i am angry with.

Oh boy... me too. At some point it will cause problems with DH because he's having all my outbursts (mis)directed at him which makes me feel so bad but I can't stop doing it. I don't think I'm going to come good until I manage a sticky baby. I'm so incredibly fortunate to have such a patient and loving DH.

**Anila** · June 9th, 2009, 09:07 PM

Well i still dont have af or anymore spotting, i really wish i knew what was going on, if she is comming i wish she would show!
I keep hoping that maybe that pain wasnt o pain at all and maybe just maybe im still in with a chance.

**LittleOnes** · June 9th, 2009, 09:20 PM

you're in with a chance until she comes! I so hope she doesn't come for a year or more now!

**Anila** · June 10th, 2009, 09:26 AM

So i expected to wake with af today, and to my supprise she is a no show.

I had a dream early this morning that i was waiting on a parcel from Alterna Tykes, so i got up early and peed in a cup, just as i stuck the stick in the delivery lady came, so i took the stick out but didnt get to see the result, it was registered post so i had to sign the thing, but it was broken so she said to pretend that i signed it, as i went back to see the test.... i got woken up by my kids and i didnt get to find out the end of the dream.

Funny thing is i am expecting a parcel from Alterna Tykes, and so i decided to poas, but it was bfn!
I have no more spotting at all really, just a little red streak in some cn, but thats it.

Its still so 50/50 i wish af would hurry up, or my bfp!!

Im so very confused, its not at all like my pre af spotting....

**LittleOnes** · June 10th, 2009, 10:29 AM

It sounds like a bfp on the way. How about a blood test? Will the doc do one for you or will they make you wait til after your longest cycle time? The anticipation is killing me!!

**Anila** · June 10th, 2009, 10:54 AM

Yeah smallfry, my dr will make me wait till after 6/7 weeks from lmp, and today is 5 weeks 1 day, im taking my lmp date from the day i mc, i hope that is right?

I didnt get a positive test with #5 till i was 6 weeks, but i had a "feeling", even though every test said no, i just knew i was right!

This time there is no feeling just confusion, i feel like im looking for something thats not there.

Im not even sure now if i have od at all.
I suppose time will tell and i have no tests left.

**LittleOnes** · June 10th, 2009, 11:29 AM

do you use opt's? The month after I mc I had no idea if I Od or not. I didn't even try that month because I figured I had no idea what my body was doing and if I was going to get AF normally ie. if the mc counted as an af. Oddly for me I went immediately back to my 28 day cycle and 28 days after the mc started, I got AF so I most likely could have conceived if I had tried. Only DTD once that month though because I found it physically too painful, I guess I must have had a bit of swelling causing problems or something.

Think you're right to take the lmp as the mc date.

**Anila** · June 10th, 2009, 11:44 AM

No, i dont use opks, i didnt even think we were going to try this cycle, but hubby decided too. lol.

The o calender put me at 8 dpo on the 42 day cycle and said implantation could happen today, then said have u had any spotting!

Well today would make me 9 dpo from that, but if it was implantation then i would have thought that id have a faint pos at least.

**kawazuki** · June 10th, 2009, 11:47 AM

remember it can take up to 72 hours for levels to rise significantly enough to register on a HPT

you start off less than 5 and need to get to 15 which is tripple.

so give it a couple more days
i got my pos at 10 dpo with a FR..

dont give in hun its still to early if your only 9 dpo..

keep being positive