What's a good age gap between kids?

[Tammie]

Hi there,

My first bubby is going to be 1 next week and after always believing we were only going to have the 1 child we are now considering a 2nd.

I don't want Eli to be lonely or spoilt rotten and thought 2 might be nice - then they'll always have each other!

What sort of age difference is good though before TTC again?

xx.

[feeb]

My boys are 18 months 4 days apart, I love it it has its days when I think why oh why did I have them so close together, but then they play so well together at times!!

I dont think there is any right or wrong time, its what you end up having you will never know any different IYKWIM.

If you have them close you have 2 in nappies, possibly tandem BF, a toddler that demands attention as not old enough to do things for themselves.
You have a 4 + age gap you have a child who can get jealous, a baby who is often disturbed to do school or kinder pickup/dropoff, but you have a child who can help you too a degree.

Good luck

[LimeSlice]

Charlotte will be 3 1/4 when this one is born... (So 2.5 when we conceived.)
I like the idea of this gap - Charlotte is old enough to know what is going on, is excited about the baby, old enough that she is already weaned (a few months ago!) and is quite happy so far to understand that the boobs will be for the baby now...She is non stop talking about the baby, to everyone! lol

She is also starting school next year (Montessori starts at 3) so I will also get the time to spend with the newborn one on one which I am so thankful for.

Like feeb says though, I think everyone is different like that... I didn't want a huge gap, so any more than 4 years and I would have been not too happy about it, but I also had no desire to have more than one in nappies at a time, Charlotte is long toilet trained, bed time organised and all that 'hard' baby stuff is over with, so I am free to focus on the new one without distractions itms.

Good luck TTC!!

[deletedit]

2.5 years is perfect IMHO. Toddler is mostly toilet trained, old enough to help, reasonably independant, thinks the baby is the best thing in the entire universe, and is too young to be jealous.

Take a baby into a playgroup and all the 2.5-3yo toddlers will flock to the baby. I swear at that age they are hardwired to love babies. It is cute, but the little tykes are too young to be gentle and some try and pick the baby up, steal his dummy/blankets/hat, offer him 5,000 toys etc

[AnyDream]

Mine are 9 years apart. While I'm not recommending that to anyone, I just thought I'd throw it in there because I don't believe there is a "perfect" age gap. I think it's when it fits in with the rest of whatever you've got going on in life, whether that's financial, career, education, what's happening in the bigger family, housing, whatever. Personally I found the idea of two baby/toddlers at once overwhelming, so my own minimum age gap would have been 4 years.

[deletedit]

I also have a 9.5 and 7 year gap. The 9.5 is so suboptimal it isn't funny, the two of them have almost zero to do with each other. 7.5 gap was ok until the toddler turned 2.5 and decided she wasn't a plaything anymore, and now the two of them argue constantly, so whenever Miss Almost-10 is home Miss almost-3 is constantly screaming and crying at her big sister, who spends an alarming amount of time expounding on how much she hates her little sister and how she wishes we never had more kids, and the little one has learnt to say her big sister is "stupid", "bored" and "mean", words WE didn't teach her. It is horrible, but also depends on the personality of your kids.

But the two little ones are utterly adorable together when the big one isn't home, at least *sigh*

Edit: the two girls arguing has nothing to do with the baby, the timing is a coincidence. DD#2's personality, expanding vocabulary, capability, independance and will all asserted themselves at about that age and she started standing up for herself, which causes shocking arguments and tantrums with her sister

[Traveller]

I have age gaps of 15 months, 26 months, and 47 minutes. I found 15 months to be the easiest but I could see the advantage in having a larger gap and more time to spend on each child in babyhood. All my children are very close to each other, and they enjoy many of the same activities (making days out and holidays much easier to plan). But it has been hard work, although it is getting easier now.

Personally I chose a small gap as I wanted to minimise the length of time I had a small, very dependant, child. It is my aim to go to university and I wanted to neither delay this for kids, or have a massive gap due to waiting until after my degree and subsequent establishment of my career before continuing having babies. I have friends who have larger gaps in their families and they have spent double the time out of the workforce that I have, so this was my main deciding factor.

[goddessofdawn]

I don't want Eli to be lonely or spoilt rotten and thought 2 might be nice - then they'll always have each other!

Hmm my two brothers are 2 years apart. They didn't get along as children or teenagers, and they certainly don't get along as adults! They're not in contact with each other at all.
So if my parents had decided to have a second child for that reason alone... oh dear!
I think it's possible for only children not to be lonely ... and many families have more than one spoiled child