What's a good age gap between kids?

[Tammie]

Hi there,

My first bubby is going to be 1 next week and after always believing we were only going to have the 1 child we are now considering a 2nd.

I don't want Eli to be lonely or spoilt rotten and thought 2 might be nice - then they'll always have each other!

What sort of age difference is good though before TTC again?

xx.

[feeb]

My boys are 18 months 4 days apart, I love it it has its days when I think why oh why did I have them so close together, but then they play so well together at times!!

I dont think there is any right or wrong time, its what you end up having you will never know any different IYKWIM.

If you have them close you have 2 in nappies, possibly tandem BF, a toddler that demands attention as not old enough to do things for themselves.
You have a 4 + age gap you have a child who can get jealous, a baby who is often disturbed to do school or kinder pickup/dropoff, but you have a child who can help you too a degree.

Good luck

[LimeSlice]

Charlotte will be 3 1/4 when this one is born... (So 2.5 when we conceived.)
I like the idea of this gap - Charlotte is old enough to know what is going on, is excited about the baby, old enough that she is already weaned (a few months ago!) and is quite happy so far to understand that the boobs will be for the baby now...She is non stop talking about the baby, to everyone! lol

She is also starting school next year (Montessori starts at 3) so I will also get the time to spend with the newborn one on one which I am so thankful for.

Like feeb says though, I think everyone is different like that... I didn't want a huge gap, so any more than 4 years and I would have been not too happy about it, but I also had no desire to have more than one in nappies at a time, Charlotte is long toilet trained, bed time organised and all that 'hard' baby stuff is over with, so I am free to focus on the new one without distractions itms.

Good luck TTC!!

[deletedit]

2.5 years is perfect IMHO. Toddler is mostly toilet trained, old enough to help, reasonably independant, thinks the baby is the best thing in the entire universe, and is too young to be jealous.

Take a baby into a playgroup and all the 2.5-3yo toddlers will flock to the baby. I swear at that age they are hardwired to love babies. It is cute, but the little tykes are too young to be gentle and some try and pick the baby up, steal his dummy/blankets/hat, offer him 5,000 toys etc

[AnyDream]

Mine are 9 years apart. While I'm not recommending that to anyone, I just thought I'd throw it in there because I don't believe there is a "perfect" age gap. I think it's when it fits in with the rest of whatever you've got going on in life, whether that's financial, career, education, what's happening in the bigger family, housing, whatever. Personally I found the idea of two baby/toddlers at once overwhelming, so my own minimum age gap would have been 4 years.

[deletedit]

I also have a 9.5 and 7 year gap. The 9.5 is so suboptimal it isn't funny, the two of them have almost zero to do with each other. 7.5 gap was ok until the toddler turned 2.5 and decided she wasn't a plaything anymore, and now the two of them argue constantly, so whenever Miss Almost-10 is home Miss almost-3 is constantly screaming and crying at her big sister, who spends an alarming amount of time expounding on how much she hates her little sister and how she wishes we never had more kids, and the little one has learnt to say her big sister is "stupid", "bored" and "mean", words WE didn't teach her. It is horrible, but also depends on the personality of your kids.

But the two little ones are utterly adorable together when the big one isn't home, at least *sigh*

Edit: the two girls arguing has nothing to do with the baby, the timing is a coincidence. DD#2's personality, expanding vocabulary, capability, independance and will all asserted themselves at about that age and she started standing up for herself, which causes shocking arguments and tantrums with her sister

[Traveller]

I have age gaps of 15 months, 26 months, and 47 minutes. I found 15 months to be the easiest but I could see the advantage in having a larger gap and more time to spend on each child in babyhood. All my children are very close to each other, and they enjoy many of the same activities (making days out and holidays much easier to plan). But it has been hard work, although it is getting easier now.

Personally I chose a small gap as I wanted to minimise the length of time I had a small, very dependant, child. It is my aim to go to university and I wanted to neither delay this for kids, or have a massive gap due to waiting until after my degree and subsequent establishment of my career before continuing having babies. I have friends who have larger gaps in their families and they have spent double the time out of the workforce that I have, so this was my main deciding factor.

[~Jayne~]

Tammie, whenever your second precious bundle arrives is the BEST age gap for you - KWIM? I have 2y3m between my two daughters & I think that's a great age gap. If you have 3 years, 4 years, 12 months, whatever........... it will work for YOU.

I find that my two play the same games. One is turning 6 in December & the other 4 in February but I find my youngest plays with toys that my eldest wasn't into at that stage - but it's only because she is following her big sister.

HTH!

Love Jayne x

[NaeNae]

I think each sitiuation is different therefore one persosn "ideal" age gap will be different to someone elses, it really depends on the individual circumstances.

I always wanted my kids close in age but as DD is fast approaching 1 and still no sign of O or AF I am beginning to wonder just how large a gap we will end up having. I have always thought I'd do BLW, but considering there will be a minimum 21 month age difference if by some miracle we fell pregnant now, now I am thinking I might wean.

I say,

just go with the flow, if the idea of falling pregnant now doesn't freak you out then just start playing and see what happens

Nae x x

[ShootingStar]

DS and DD are 23 months apart. Ive never had to have the thought of oh why did i have them so close. They get along so well. Theres 4 years between my brother and i and my brother and my sister and i found that too big of a gap. We were never really close at all.
This baby was going to be about the same as DS & DD but had complications on the way.. but will be 2 yrs 7 months younger than DD. Im happy with that difference. Not too close but not too far apart.

[Snacks]

Go with your instincts. You won't be disappointed that way.
My instincts told me 3-4 years between kids. I talked myself into a 2.5yr age gap because of our life circumstances. It has been a struggle. I wish I had've listened to my gut.
However, you will get by regardless of the age gap. You deal with what you've got and you make the most of it. IMO it just depends on your outlook, as with most life events. There's no ideal time to have a kid, get married, study etc necessarily, only what works for you or what you make work for you.
All the best!

[catetay]

The million dollar question!!!
My two are 3yrs1mth apart, not exactly by choice as it took time to concieve DD, but i enjoy this gap so much that i'm trying for #3 at the same gap. I have friends who have 18mth gaps, some with 11mths and 13mths, and one with 11yrs b4 her twins were born. And we all can describe the good and bad points of each of these!!
My DS is starting fulltime school next year, which means that my DD will get me all to her self for a while, then hopefully #3 will arrive.
I think that you will know when you are ready for another baby and that's the gap that will be best for you!
HTH

[MrsFabuloso]

As lots of people have said it is a very individual thing. Noone can tell you what will suit you or your family but you and your partner.
I have 16mths between my first two, and while it is great now, when they were smaller it was pretty difficult for me to cope. They both didn't sleep well, DS was a surprise little gift and whist we were planning on always having 2-3 kids, he came a fair bit earlier than we had expected. DS was full breastfed and was a booby monster and DD wanted me to be with her all the time too, only being a baby herself. I had wanted to wait til DD was nearing 2, so having a 2 1/2-3yr gap between kids.
But in saying that DD and DS are best buddies now and all of the really 'baby' sort of stuff is over. With this bub, he will be almost 3 and 2 1/2 years apart from his siblings. I think this gap will be alot easier in terms of being able to do things for bub without the other two being in the way or being so young they need the same sort of care, itms? For example, DD is a pretty independant little person. She dresses herself, feeds herself, often sleeps through the night, is toilet trained, can get things for herself (within reason!) and understands alot, and helps me a fair bit with tidying and stuff like that. DS will hopefully be toilet trained soon (possibly even before bub is here) , can mostly feed himself, he's getting better with sleeping and will hopefully be better still with sleeping when bub is born, he is no longer bfing, can understand a little and helps a little so in 3 months time, he will have more understanding again. They also play together and entertain each other so I will hopefully be able to focus on bub, with things like feeding, bathing ect...
So IMO, I think 2-3yrs is a good age for siblings to come along! Kids are more self sufficient at that age and can understand when spoken to, they're willing to help and generally do what you ask (usually!!).

[Tammie]

It is all so very true!!! Everyone will prefer different age gaps and has different circs!

My bubby turns 1 today and I had been thinking of a 2.5 yr gap.

I am the eldest of 4 kids and have never been close to 2 of my siblings with a 3 & 4 yr gap, but my baby sister and I are very close (now,we weren't as kids) with an 8 yr gap.

I like the concept of either a gap less than 3 yrs or more than 5. After much discussion DH and I discussed that if we have them closer together they might enjoy playing together growing up (I can dream!) plus, they will then before I'm 50 and we can then enjoy life and travel!

Awww I can hear my little 1yo wake up! Time for bday celebrations!

x.

[goddessofdawn]

I don't want Eli to be lonely or spoilt rotten and thought 2 might be nice - then they'll always have each other!

Hmm my two brothers are 2 years apart. They didn't get along as children or teenagers, and they certainly don't get along as adults! They're not in contact with each other at all.
So if my parents had decided to have a second child for that reason alone... oh dear!
I think it's possible for only children not to be lonely ... and many families have more than one spoiled child