thanks ladies, its so good to have places like the forums just to get it all out and off your chest.

Shellbell3 I think you hit it on the head with control. I have been able to be in control of my life totally until now. And thats probably what is the hardest. I have been doing all the things I thought could control this...eating well, cutting out coffee, cutting out alcohol and other bad things (apart from occasional diversions) getting fit etc....and it hasnt worked.

I think what scares me the most is if we just try for years and it STILL doesnt happen. I think it comes back to control. I want a cut off point, I want to know nope...you just cant have kids or yes it will take you exactly 18months...

Ahhh and I cannot take anyone else telling me to just have lots of BD!!! oh yeah cause if it was THAT easy none of us would have trouble lol