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Hi Lulu....
Im in the middle of a IVF cycle at the moment as i had my tubes tied after my last child but we have decided to have one more.EPU is on the 20th of August. Maybe it would be a good idea to donate what ever i have left. Im going thru Westmead fertility clinic.
Hi Em,
OMG - 6!!!!! You lucky wonderful girl!!!!
Here's the thing...I would say they will fertilise all the eggies with your DP sperm. The reason is that not all the eggies may not fertilise or divide. The technology is not good enough yet to freeze - raw eggs so to speak. So when someone donates - they have have to time the cycles so that the eggs are fertilised right after harvesting. If you were to donate - you would definitely have to go thru another stim cycle.
So cant you donate frozen embryos????
From the article I was reading last week..I dont think its that successful. I think they like to fertilise them immediately. As I said - I am sure with this cycle, your FS will want to fertilise all of them as you never know how many will actually work.
I guess you best check with your FS..but think this is the case..
Ok thanks Lulu. I was thinking of donating the left over fertilised eggs. I will ask the clinic on the 8th.So where to for you now??
Mumof5,
You can donate embryos if you wish - however its not advertised with most clinic.
I am currently on a waiting list for donor embryos and there is only a few clinics that offer the service. No matter what clinic you are currently doing ivf with my clinic in QLD where im on this list and a few others can organise for your embies to be transferred to their clinic for the donor program. If you need more info you can send me a private message and i will pass on whatever info i have that may help with your quest. Just wanted to say i think you are a wonderful woman for even thinking of doing this - it makes tears flow down my face that people can be so generous and want to make others life long dream come true - you deserve a medal. Best of luck to you mumof5 i just wish there were more woman like you out there.
Thanks lissie....i have done alot of soul searching and i still have alot more to do but i really feel this is the right thing for me to do.I had my tubes reversed last year and we have been trying ever since to have a baby.It really started to take over my life cause i just couldnt fall. Even tho i have 5 beautiful children i still felt like something was missing.Then i sat back and started thinking about all the people that couldnt have kids at all and i felt very very selfish. If i can make one family hole then i have done my bit in this world and i will be happy.
Take care xx
Mum05,
You truly will make someone very happy with your gift, your generosity makes me cry to think you are thinking of others, its such a desperate feeling thinking you will never be a mum its something i hate to think about but knowing there are people out there like you well maybe i too have a chance at it. You are truly a wonderful person.
I hope you can fullfill your dreams and become a mum again as you definitely deserve it with a heart as big as yours. :goodluck:
Only time will tell now. I will wait and see how many eggs i get on the 20th August and how many fertilise. Iam having two put back myself,two chances is better then one in my mind and i dont want to have to go thru this again. fs doesnt think so tho. He said i will end up with twins cause i never had any problems before i had my tubes done and ive never miscarried and im still quit young. Hehe im up for the challenge. I did speak to my fertility centre about all of this and they said lets just get you pregnant first. Then decide what to do with what i have left over. I want to do this so badly but there is still a but in the back of my mind and in my heart. All i worry about is that the child will have a good life and home and never be in harms way. I would hate to give this special gift to someone and then for them to abuse the child or treat the child wrongly,thats what worries me so much,my greatest fear. Iam so over protective of my children and i wont even let anyone else look after them.I believe noone can look after your child as good as you and if something was to happen you would never forgive yourself. I watched A Current affair last night about that poor lady and it made me cry so much. The laws in Australia or should i say Queensland are crap.
Mum05,
I agree the laws in Australia are crap - we are so far behind the rest of the world when its comes to fertility issues and private adoption. All i can say is that if you do go thru with the donation i would say in my opinion anyone going thru ivf wants a baby soooo much and are willing to put themselves thru emotional, mental and physical pain not to mention the cost that i would find it hard to believe that someone getting your embryos would be a child abuser. I know thru personal experience after 6rounds of ivf i am still willing to keep going even tho my chances are slim at best but i want a family so desperately, i want to share and to love, i want all those wonderful memories of xmas and family holidays, of spending sleepless nights with the bub etc so i think you can rest assured that if you do donate it will be to a very loving couple whom ever they are - i wish you luck with this cycle and i hope your dreams come true - its people like you that make the world a better place.
Thanks Lissie and good luck to you
Hey everyone,
Just letting you know I am still around - I wrote this deep and meaningful post about a week ago concerning life and the choices we make - which I poured my soul into - and the gremlins in the forum decided that I was no longer logged in and booted me into a sign on screen. I tried to go back but unfortunately all the post was lost.:cry:
Actually in retrospect it was probably too long and involved and I had a angel on my shoulder delete it!! Anyway after that I couldn't face rewriting it...and then life got busy...
Some good news for me - my SD has had his individual counselling session - and the group one is booked in for Wednesday next week.
I'll catch up with the personals shortly - thinking of you all...
Lissie, SuziQ, Lulu - missing you - are you :hiding:?
Just letting you know that we've had the group counselling session (thank goodness) so the next step is ticked off.
SD's sperm comes out of quarantine late November, and then he has to do another blood test (which we weren't aware of). Then we have to have a group counselling session to talk about genetics, and then FINALLY that's it, we can go ahead with IUI.
So still looking at Dec/Jan at this stage.
Love to hear how everyone else is going...
Hi Gargy,
Glad to hear everything is going well for you. Yes, my donor had the bloodtest after the 6months quarantine. This is to ensure he was still 100% healthy and therefore sperm 100% healthy...it's a good thing.
Well I dont remember where I was up to in here..but I did a full stim cycle..again and sadly it didnt work.
I have 2 embies in the freezer. I usually have 2 put in at a time due to age. I have decided to keep them on ice and do another stim cycle so I can build up a bank. I am so so scared that if I have a late miscarriage like last time (12 weeks), then curette..I have to wait 3months before doing anything. At my age the eggs are deteriorating monthly so I am just too afraid to keep waiting for everything. I have decided to take action and do another cycle. Depending on how successful I am..I will then decide if I do another or not. I am so so determined..I want it so so badly.
Glad to hear u sounding upbeat Gargy...
Hi Lulu,
I'm sorry the stim cycle didn't work, and that you are feeling the sadness that goes with this...:grouphug:
Re: your plans: Amazing, isn't it, that once we are trying to concieve this way our lives become a series of logical plans - if I do this, then hopefully this will happen. I can see your determination. I hope and pray that these plans work for you.
Re: blood test - Thanks for telling me that. I can see the logic as to why. I just wish I knew the whole process, not bits and pieces. Maybe I need to chase it up with our FS.
I am feeling a lot better that things are actually moving. There were some dark, dark times there in the last 6 months. Still, I'm finding it hard to stay motivated at work. Thinking seriously of seeing a counsellor on my own - not to do with IVF (even our SD today confirmed that she seemed to be more worried about/interested in DH than me), and not DH's one (again, as he is more interested in DH than me). I thought about going to the work one, seeing it's work I'm having issues with at the moment. But not sure if bringing more people in the mix is going to help. I'll have to think about it...
Hi Gargy,
Well good to hear things are moving for you. We have my BIL sperm on ice and have used it in the past ivf/stim/icsi cycle and like lulu i had no luck - sadly. Bil also had another blood test after 6months of sperm being in quarantine - its basically to check on HIV etc - its just part of the normal procedure. All this waiting drives you nuts doesn't it? We have a few options up our sleeves at the moment, cause i am 42 (old eggsies) and hubby had the snip 16yrs ago we both have a little problem here - we have used DH sperm in the past but felt it was better to go with so called healthier sperm thats why we choose BIL sperm but its not to say DH sperm in useless. Now we also have a female friend is is willing to donate to me (she has done this once before for me), now im just going to have my FSH,PROG & EST levels checked this month to see where i am at to see whether it is worthwhile me doing my eggs again or not ( I hope so i would like one more bite at the cherry) before moving onto donor eggs - this whole damn thing is so frustrating at times, you are supposed to grow up, get married, white picket fence and babies - anyway thats what those stupid fairytales used to tell me! Oh well just like me to do everything the hard way lol. So thats where im at - Gargy have you checked out the other thread that Lulu and i go into - go to TTC buddies and its under Older woman TTC ( look at August #1) girls aged from mid 30's to mid 40's.
Have a great day.
Hi Lissie and Lulu,
I tried the other thread once, back when it first started, but I got a little swamped - but writing in here without you guys has been lonely...(although it was really only 4 days, as I said, I'm not exactly patient sometimes...:p)
I'll try the other thread again and see what happens...
Hey Gargy,
Don't worry...I'll keep an eye out for you here. The other thread is great and they are all lovely...but unfortunately I dont have the time to totally keep up with them as they ummm get an awful lot of chatting done in one day.
I check in when possible but working full time ... well you get it.
Lissie - I am glad you sent me there as they..and esp you have been terrific during this tough course of ours.
Soooo glad its Friday and looking forward to the weekend.
Have a good one ladies..
Hey Gargy..
Been meaning to ask you another question.
I soooo hope you dont get offended.
I was wondering, after going thru so much yourself and now with your donor...have you considered doing an actual IVF cycle instead of IUI?
Would it not increase you chances a great deal?
Gosh - I hope I havent said the wrong thing...:doh:
Hey Lulu,
Re, the other thread: I know exactly what you mean - I got a shock when I went back in and found out how many people had written in the time I'd been off doing other things/at work! But they seem really nice, so I'll catch up when I can.
Re, the IVF: no I'm not offended that you're asking. I think our FS was hinting that IVF may be the way to go the last time (ie almost 12 months ago now) we saw him. I thought we'd give IUI a try one more time just to see if it would take with the new donor - but if my FS says don't waste your time, then I'm happy to go with his recommendations.
I'm also not sure of the cost and the expense involved - so that would be something to investigate too.
Now my day - I've been over at my Mum and Dads for a birthday get together (we get together on the first Saturday of the month if there are any birthdays within that month). It's good to see everyone from the family.
However, two things were organised which are giving me a bit of the wobblies.
The first is my brother's son's fete. Last year I had an hysterical crying fit when he asked me to go there due to a number of things - it was straight after we'd been told there is no sperm at the clinic and we were considering our SD friend, and I couldn't deal with all the happy families there; the children of my SIL and BIL - the ones we had a huge falling out with -attend the same school and they would be there; and my family wasn't going, so I wouldn't have a buffer.
He's asked again and I've said yes DH and I will go, as the rest of my family will be there, but when I asked if I could throw things at BIL and SIL he didn't appreciate the joke...Oh well, I suppose it will be holding my breath and just getting through it.
The other thing that came up was Christmas. I have been quite relieved over the past two years that we have had our Christmas on Christmas Eve with my family, so that DH and I can have a quiet one on our own - basically ignore the day. But my youngest sister (unbeknownst to me) has been quite upset by this and demanded that we have a Christmas gathering on the 25th this year. I can see her point of view - she is used to all of us being together and I'm sure she has been quite lonely on the day. I've said to Mum already I'll have to see how DH and I go.
I've also said to DH that we'll have to turn up to his mother's gathering for Christmas - much as we'd love to ignore that too - to be there for her due to her partner's death. This is usually held late in November.
Hopefully I will be stronger this year than I have been in the past - and if not, our attendance at these events will have to be quite short. See how I go, I suppose.
Sorry - that was a bit 'all about me' wasn't it!! Hi Lulu!! Hi Lissie!! Hope you both are going well. Thanks for reading if you get through...
Hey Gargy,
Hope all the family stuff sorts itself out - not good when there are unresolved feelings around or you just don't want to be there. I only have a problem with one member of my family and its a BIL but hey im not married to him so now i just try to ignore most of the sarcastic things he says - still hard not to bite back though. All i know now is that since loosing to immediate family members i now value family more than anything in the world even BIL - at the end of the day family will or should always be there - but i know its hard at times when there is conflict. Hope you sort it out sweetie and enjoy christmas this year.
Hi Gargy,
Phew...glad I didnt say the wrong thing. I just thought..since you are already going thru all this..I guess I would have thought the FS suggest IVF. Yes - way more expensive..but your chances of falling pregnant are sooo much higher. Anyway..maybe when you next see him you should ask your percentage chances with both and what his views are. I see all you have been thru in the last year and just want you to get the ultimate result.
Good luck with the family woes..
Hi Lulu, Hi Lissie,
Lulu - I'll ask FS when all the donor stuff is out of the way.
I think the family stuff is just something I have to learn to deal with - DH's family are very different people to what I first believed (so have to get used to the 'real' them rather than my idealisation) - and the Christmas thing with my family is more that continual realisation that I still don't have children to celebrate with...
Anyway, got the application done - it's due Wednesday. I'll get a few people to check tomorrow, then I'll send it in.
Have a good week!!
Gargy- Sorry to be nosy but i noticed you are in Western Sydney and maybe thinking of going down the IVF path. Westmead have a great program and you only have to come up with the out of pocket expences. Im doing a straight IVF cycle and its only costing me $1,450 from start to finish. I think its $1,950 if your using a donor. Sorry if i'm telling you stuff you already know.
:hello: to everyone else.
Me- 15 days to go till egg pick up cant wait. DH and I have decided to go ahead with donating what we have left.
Hi Girls,
Well found out some good news. Another girl that was in on of the threads told me about using donor/donor as her friend had. I got in contact with her friend and yes you can go donor/donor it you wish just got to find the right doctor. As you know we are going thru the IVF stuff using my eggs and BIL sperm last cylce didn't work have already booked in for another. I'm also on a donor embryo waiting list but the wait is verrrrry long - i also have a girlfriend willing to donate eggs to me which she has done so once in the past, so now i have confirmation that i can use donor eggs and donor sperm together its given me one more ray of hope in becoming a mummy - i will try just about anything at this stage as adoption is out of our reach now with DH age and it takes up to 6years to get processed. Gosh this is not supposed to be this complicated is it?
Mumof5 - good luck with your egg pick up i am sure it will all go smoothly and hope you get your BFP
:goodluck:
Hi Girls,
Mumof5 - wow - that's a bargain compared to what I am paying..lucky you!!
Gargy - look into this one - it is $2000 cheaper at least then a private clinic
Lissie - I am not getting the donor thing. I thought your eggs were ok? Do they think there is a problem with them? I know about the age thing..but once they harvest, are they not happy with them? They fertilise ok right? I am having ICSI as my FS explained that with my age the eggs develop a shell and make it hard for the buggers to penetrate. I know all these docs have slightly different opinions..I guess I just like to stay informed with different ones.
See with me..eggs look good, hormone levels still good and I know I can get pregnant..but its getting that way again and staying that way. She has said in a nice way - it's a numbers game. Some months they stick and some they dont. Ahhh to have the right number the right month....
Hi Lulu,
Well at this stage they think my eggs are okay, but with age they are not so good, they can only look at them from the outside, like the scientists have explained to me they can only look and see what they think is a good egg and the same with sperm, but when we age it gets so much harder for us to concieve a good eggie. With my age creeping up more and more i must look at all options and that damn clock will not stop TICK TOCK TICK TOCK, so after i have some tests done this month we will see which is my best option. If they say go donor egg i will - if they say go donor/donor i will - i will do whatever it takes now - we were open to adoption but too long a process, really expensive and with DH being 50 this year (he looks about 38) he is deemed too old for many adoption centres and as adoption takes years well he will be about 55 at that stage so we have been told no point in even applying. Even though my eggs have always fertilized doesn't mean they are good eggies the magority of eggs will fertilize and make it to day 3 in the lab but after that its anyones guess and with older eggs they don't have the energy that a younger egg has and they need the energy etc to keep going and going. My clinic has one couple in their 20's they say her eggs look great, great number etc and his sperm if great too however they have gone thru 6cyles and still no pregnancy so whats up with that, you would think a young healthy couple should have no problem but it happens.
Hey Lissie,
See I was asking my FS about my ripe old eggies as well.
I guess they all look at it differently. She told me - the fact that I got pregnant shows all good..but the age thing greatly reduces the actual embie from sticking as well. I guess they try everything.
Me - am sticking with the old eggs I think. It's all hard..
Hello
I have been reading trough this forum and though I might jump on. My husband and I are currently pregnant with our first baby though our first IVF treatment.
We currently have 4 balasty’s on ice and are looking at donating them. Struggling with infertility for so many years, mind you I am only 26, I have seen so many couples not so lucky as DH and I. We have come to a decision to donathe the 4 litlle ones to people that really deserve a child of their own.
Our only issue is, we want to know who they are given to and we want our details to be kept on file. Not sure if this is important but we feel as our details should be available if needed.
At the moment we feel very comfortable with our decision and hope to make another couple/singleton happy.
Hi LP...
That's truly an amazing thing you are doing. The 2 of you must be truly special people.
From what I understand..if you want a known recipient..you are firstly going to have to find someone waiting..and there are so many. I know many people advertise in Sydney Child..ahhh cant go back and see where you're from right now..but am sure you have similar wherever you are. I think if you donate thru a clinic directly it would most certainly be anonymous. In NSW the law now states that when the child turns 18, they are able to obtain birth parents info..but not before. So in NSW you are only anonymous till the child turns 18. This is why we are so short of donors...sperm, eggs and embies. Some people dont want their details released and therefore will no longer donate...hence the massive waiting lists at all clinics for all 3.
I also dont think that the clinic direct will take them unless you are finished your family..but you'd have to check that. Obviously, they also look after your best interests as well.
LP - good luck with you pregnancy...I am sure 2 special people like yourselves will have a wonderfully gorgeous baby..
LP
I think you wanting to donate your embies is wonderful. You will definitely make a couple very happy.
I don't know how it works with donated embryo's i actually never asked that question when i went on the waiting list, i just assumed that it would be the same as the rules for donating egg or sperm. We had conselling and were advised and we highly agreed that the child should know their background and we and the consellers thought that the donor should play some part in the childs life.
I did not know that the law had other ideas about that, but if you donate to someone you pick you get to talk about this issue is suppose. You could answer an ad or you could choose a clinic to donate to. Good luck and hoping for a happy and healthy pregnancy for you.
Hi LP, what a wonderful thing for you and DH to do. I'm still giving my own eggs a go at the moment but not having much luck. I would have loved to donate eggs or embryo's to women who need them but I think I've left it too late unfortunately.
As others have mentioned, I think there is a process you will need to go through, and maybe speaking to a fertility clinic might be a good start. Good luck with both your pregnancy and the donation process.
Marg
Thanks ladies for your lovely words.
Our main concern is racial differences, in no offence, we are not racist or of that sort, basically DH is Greek and I am Romanian so yes call us WOGS (LOL hehehehe), so on that we basically want our details and background to be provided to the child at a proper age if its asked for. We also in trust that the couple that is willing to go through fertility treatment is in a strong and loving relationship and we do not doubt that, we just want them to be aware that yes this child will have a lot more hair, most likely a lot darker and pretty dark olive skin. I do not think its important for us to know them, but just for them to know us, so they know what they are getting…..Its all so heard and so many things to think so…..
I really admire your courage ladies, and find it so inspiring.
I have some friend who have failed 7 ivf cycles, I have asked them if they were willing to accept donated ambies but they were willing to go through life with no kids if they could not have their own….. I understand them but its so hard to take either road.
:hello: LP
I can understand your concerns - however to me does it really matter - DH and i where willing to adopt from overseas but the process is so lengthy (5-8yrs) and extremely expensive and the biggest obsticle was that by the time it happens they deemed my DH to old - what a joke - we are more established now etc and if anyone knew my DH they would not think he was nearly 50. The adoption laws in Australia suck - and its such a shame that so many couples like us are willing to give under privilaged kids a great loving home but out of our reach. Re your friend - everyone is different - i too have friends that only want a biol child, i understand that, but to me love makes a family not genes. And re your comment WOGS - well aren't we all - my heritage is Irish and my husbands is Scottish - the only true Australians are the aboriginals, the rest of us came here in boats!
Again LP you and your DH are truly generous people to give such a gift.
Thanks lassie for shedding some light on this, I feel so silly worrying about such small things. You are right, who is a true Australian these days…..
Once again thanks girls, I had my 12 week scan today and so I will be calling my IVF clinic for further information on donors and the process.
Can someone please tell me what paper I need to get with people advertising their donation needs. I feel very positive and would like to do this.
Hey everyone - thinking of you all even though I haven't been on for a couple of days.
The Dinner out tonight with some of the girls from BB Sydney was brilliant!
Catch up with you soon!!
Hi all just dropping in to let you all know i had my first ultrasound and they could see 20 follies.They have started me on pregnal today as well as the puregon cause the follies arent growing aswell as they would like them to. Nazel spray is working to well they said. So back on friday for my last ultrasound hopefully. Boy i cant wait for it to be over its so hard with the ups and downs of it all.
Take care Em
Hey everyone!!
Hi Em - 20 follies is great news! Hopefully a good number of them will mature between now and Friday.
Hi everyone else - hope things are going well.
Went and saw the work counsellor on Monday - one of the best things she said was that she was there for me, not DH (which is a nice change).
I'm doing some mental exercises such as:
- a greatful journal - thought it would be a big w**k actually - she saw my face and explained it, so I'm giving it a go.
- a number of questions that I have to complete everyday focussing on my relationship with DH (he's doing it as well)
- a questioning of negative thoughts.
Between this and starting Weighwatchers (about a month ago now) I'm feeling a little overwhelmed - hopefully things will settle into a routine. I just want everything to be right for November...
:hello: Girls,
Mumof5, - wow - 20 follies thats great - will be sending you heaps of positive thoughts for those little eggies to just grow grow grow so you get a fantastic result. Oh IVF is hard isn't it - i know - it really hits me hard emotionally and physically. I have heard some girls just breeze thru it but to me and by the sounds of it not you either - :hug: good luck hun - just hang in there its all worth it.
Gargy - Good luck with the counselling - all sounds a bit like you have a alot on your plate right now - i have often thought of writing in a journal, my ivf counsellor thougt it to be a good idea - just to get your feelings out - so i guess writing a journal is good therapy for whatever situation you are in.
At least you can write down the pros and cons etc and try to make some sense of it all as when its all in your head it just goes round and round and round. How much longer Gargy do you have to wait for the next IVF cycle - from memory you were waiting for the 6mth quarantine period to be over is that right?