Tarkine,
Hi honey sorry it took me so long to get back to you haven't been on line till last night and I read your post, replied and then accidently erased it, cracked the #!!** and went to bed!!!! vowing to reply tonight so here goes. I agree with Lissie it really comes down to personal choice I think that personally if you are up front and honest with things then you don't get caught up in the who have we told who haven't we told scenario. We told our immediate family and close friends because we really needed their support we don't tell everybody as a rule that we use DS but I do tell everybody who cares that DD was concieved through IVF for a few reasons one it stops the incessant questions about when we are having another child from well meaning people (and sticky beaks) and another that I want to be available to anybody who is having trouble concieving naturally and have been told that they need to consider other options so if they need somebody to ask questions of, or need to talk or just some support I am available.
It is amazing how many people tell me " oh you did ivf?, I new someone who did ivf with their first child and then had their next child naturallyif only they new!!!!
We haven't made any firm decisions about what we are going to do as far as telling people and even telling DD in the future but we are just taking things as they come at the moment and our opinions change all the time.
The only pit fall that I have found by telling friends is that we had a major falling out with some close friends who knew about the DS factor and now sometimes it feels like they could use it as a revenge tool and my worst fear would be for DD to find out about her conception from some nasty gossipy person in the future so at the moment I'm leaning towards telling people and DD when she is old enough and eliminating this feeling that I have of people holding something over me (does that make any sense?)But I also need to respect the fact that at the moment DH doesn't feel comfortable with people and DD knowing that she is not his biological child.
As far as I'm concerned she is sooooooo much like him in sooooo many ways that I don't EVER think of her as being anything other than his, they love each other so much that all I ever hear is 'daddy' 'dad,dad,dad"hope this helps you I think it helped me to write it good luck with your appointments let me know how you get on
I'm brand new to this forum business.. so please bear with me as I learn the ropes and the lingo!
After numerous tests and procedures, my DH and I found out yesterday that he is infertile and that the only way for us to have the family we have been dreaming of is via DS or adoption...
As we spend the next few weeks trying to come to terms with our situation, we aren't wasting any time and already researching our options, with DS being something that we are contemplating.
How long do you think we should wait for before we start the process? Our FS recommended waiting 6 months, but not sure if we can wait that long!!
Apart from trying to come to terms with never being able to have one of his own offspring with his characteristics, one of the concerns my DH is having with this option is more so down the track, when we have to tell our child that DH is not their biological dad.. he is worried about their reaction.
Our FS actually gets the DS from the US.. not sure if this is good or bad?? Our FS also made the suggestion of getting the DS from a brother.. not sure if this is good or bad either??
Sorry for rambling, but as you can see.. there is so much to take in, and whilst at the moment it feels like our dreams have been shattered, we're trying to understand all choices and hearing from people who have gone down this road will really help us.
if only they new!!!!
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