When I first came across the idea of being responsible for my own feelings I found it a very confronting idea. In fact, I thought it was total rubbish. But the idea niggled at me so much I couldn't help but think about it more and more. And finally, I realised, it is truth!
Things affect us and elicit emotions, this is true. And we can't really control what we feel, as such, but we can control our response and the way we deal with these feelings.
The first thing is acknowledgment. So I want to always acknowledge my son's feelings, even if they seem trifling or I can't understand them. He still feels them nonetheless. So yes, empathy is important. It's definitely not about dismissing other people's feelings cause you don't share them.
And I want to model appropriate responses to strong feelings... well, I'm still working on this. My lower brain still takes over so often, but I think I'm slowly getting there.
I want to try and build greater resilience in my son than I possess, so he can better pick himself up after setbacks or insults and carry on. I can't make the world a better place, I can only leave him better equipped to deal with it. Self awareness is at the heart of this, I believe.
I think this awareness about where my pain comes from has helped in dealing with infertility. Sometimes when others announce pregnancies it still hurts. But I don't attribute that pain to other people any more - it's mine! Somehow that helps, even though I still feel it.