Breaking down to who we really are...

[Butterfly Child]

Do you have a clear understanding of who you are? ( your identity)
if so when did you find yourself so to speak?
what lead you to these answers..?
i am having issues with it at the moment of breaking down who am underneath being a mother/daughter/sister/partner etc. i cant seem to recognize the part of me..

i know this thread is probably digging a little too far..
but i just thought others might have more insight and might like to enlighten me on their experiences

Thanks guys

[Arimeh]

Honey I'm 33 soon and I still don't really know who I am!!!

I think, for me anyway, its not about discovering "who" I am because that will inevitably change over the years, and who makes an impact on my life yes? I can say I'm a different person that I was before I joined BB, because of the impact you guys have all had on my way of seeing the world.

So its not discovering "who" I am - but to me, its remembering my self worth. If I need to improve some aspects of my life - or ME - it should be because I deserve it, not because I'm a changed person - if that makes sense?

Ahh its hard to put into words (plus I've got a stinking headache from a migraine I had last night so I am soooo not good at words tonight)

[Butterfly Child]

thanks Hun i guess i just hoped id get that miraculous wallah! so to speak and everything would make sense things would be clearer

guess theirs no real answer to the question but your right its the things like growing and developing into your identity.

(i might come back tomorow when im less tired too and make sense of this post )

[luna moth]

I've sort of figured it out. But I frequently question how I got here. And where I'll be next...

Oh the philosophy!

[Madissun]

I think for me, i've learnt about how i am by things that i've overcome. I dont think you ever stop learning about who you are, because thats the beauty of it, KWIM?

When i feel like im losing my grip on "me", i go back to things that are truly just for me. Usually, it's reading self-development and awareness books. I find if i let this lapse for too long, thats when i kind of forget. Does that make sense?

Your thing may not be reading though, it may be something entirely different. But you'll know deep down what it is. It's that thing you do that when you do it, you think to yourself "Yeah man!" with a big grin on your face and everything seems right with the world!

I hope at least a little part of that made sense to you

[fionas]

I think it's an ever-changing beast too. If I'm having difficulties (and there's been a lot in the last three years) I concentrate on the day-to-day and what will make things tolerable and/or make me happy in the short-term. I've had to go back to basics and think about what do I enjoy at a really fundamental level. Usually it's something simple like I need a couple of hours to myself to go have a coffee and read a glossy mag.

When the day-to-day is under control, I spend more time thinking about what sort of person I want to BE. This has been on my mind a lot lately, I'm not sure whether it's being 40, being a mum or just because I've always thought about death a lot - not in a morbid way but in a 'what's my legacy' way.

So I guess at the moment, I'm transitioning between an old life and a new life and really thinking about what I want the new life to look like.

I don't particularly like my current identity but am very excited about my future identity, if that makes sense.

[widdly]

I am lost too hun, I sometimes think I look forward to being in my 50's and beyond cause maybe then I will be more at peace with myself and will know "who I am" a little better.

When I am struggling with myself, I like to get away for a week, I drive 6 hours and stay with family for a while and it gives me the chance to get away from the everyday hum drum of my life and I have time out to think about diferent things and to do different things. Hard to explain, but some time out from my everyday life helps me to regain my confidence, sanity and gives me a fresh outlook on life.

[Arcadia]

I think I look to the child in myself to find that 'essence' of who I am. But interestingly that is still so often defined by my relationships to those around me- siblings, parents etc. I don't think you can pare back to an individual beyond your relationships and roles... The very concept of a life beyond those around us is a very male and western ideal.

Are you feeling a bit lost? Or that you have lost sight of who you once were? I know that feeling. I started dance lessons again and found it helped. It really sounds like you need some time out, or an activity that soothes the soul.

[ElleJay]

TBH - I have no idea who I am, and I don't think I'll ever know

[tattoo_mama]

just thought id put in my 2 cents
i dont think you can ever find out what or who you are cause even us thinking about who we are is changing us kwim?
im sure somewhere inside i am more than a mother/daughter/sister/friend/girlfriend but i dont think ill ever find out who i am... that might sound depressing but i find it very interesting!!

[Ryatha]

I've always felt lost, so I compensated for it by trying to be be something different for each person I am talking to at the time. Like being a good daughter when talking to my mum, a good wife when talking to my hubby, a success when talking to school friends, being cool when talking to work mates.

I found I was constantly changing my personality and as such had no self. It was very distressing when I realised I was 30 and had no hobbies of my own, I just followed other peoples' hobbies but got bored of them quickly. I didn't know how to relax and have fun cause I had never let myself do what 'I' wanted to do.

So I have been really soul searching in the last year and have found my hobby - I love sewing and it calms and relaxes me and makes me very happy. I have found as a consequence of that I don't have to try to 'be' anything other than myself with other people. I am proud of myself for just being me not for anything I am trying to do or be for other people. So I am just starting to find myself, but I know it is a long journey as I will change as time goes on.

DH and I have realised that as we change so does our relationship... its kind of like falling in love with a new person every now and then

[tattoo_mama]

I've always felt lost, so I compensated for it by trying to be be something different for each person I am talking to at the time. Like being a good daughter when talking to my mum, a good wife when talking to my hubby, a success when talking to school friends, being cool when talking to work mates.

I found I was constantly changing my personality and as such had no self. It was very distressing when I realised I was 30 and had no hobbies of my own, I just followed other peoples' hobbies but got bored of them quickly. I didn't know how to relax and have fun cause I had never let myself do what 'I' wanted to do.

exactly the same here...(well im not 30 yet) but i have realised im the same...thats why i really want to start studying and immerse myself in that for awhile...