Sometimes I do, depending on the situation, other times I just let it go. But, and I dont think this is healthy, I never forget anything. Whatever happens, has been done or said, I store in a compartment at the back of my mind, to use if I ever need to. This drives DH bonkers because we might be having an argument, and I will bring up something that happened 5 years ago.
Forgiveness, yeah I always forgive, but like I said, I never forget.
Should you work on being cross? Well do you want to hold grudges against people? I think it's more harmonious not to personally.
Last edited by Manhattan; March 6th, 2011 at 06:45 PM.
its one of the worst things about me. I am terrible for holding a grudge. I do & will hold a grudge. My memory is shot because its so filled with all the grudges I bear there is no room for the good stuff anymore.
But I don't know how to stop doing it.
I can hold a grudge too. But having said that, it takes an awful lot to get me to that point. I will put up with a lot from people, (friend, acquaintence, colleage etc) before they push me over the line. So I forgive and tolerate a lot from others because I'm always trying to understand where they're coming from, or what other factors outside the situation (like their personality or past life experiences etc) are influencing them. Once they push too far though, I find it really hard to move on and I will hold a grudge for a while.
I am getting better at not holding grudges as I get older, and particularly after I became a mum. There's just more important things to devote energy to now.
Not really. But I remember stuff and it tinges any future relationship, to the point where occasionally I may walk away from it. But then sometimes things change at that stuff doesn't matter any more.
I don't hold grudges. What I do is remember past behaviour, predict future behaviour on evidence of behaviour seen, and make an informed decision on that information.
For example, someone lies to me. I wonder now if the next thing they say is a lie. A few months of truths later, lying is not considered much. Some consider that holding a grudge for a few months - but I am not rude to the person, I just query information given. If it were a big, earth-shattering thing (eg "I would never sleep with your husband") that was a lie then I may well not be friends any more - is that holding a grudge? Would my reaction to my husband be grudge-y?
I don't hold a grudge against my mother, for example, for the way she brought me up. But she is going to be warned next time I see her (next month) that I have noted this year she has started to do similar things to Liebling and if this continues we will not see her beyond this year. It is not holding a grudge to say "I dislike XYZ behaviour, you did it before in this instance, don't do it again." It is wanting my son to grow up abuse-free and the "right" of a grandmother to see her grandson does not include her abusing him. Not a grudge, honset! If it were, I would not see my mother at all and would find a way to make her hurt for it.
Usually not. It's just not in my nature. I like to forgive people and give them a chance to make amends. Sometimes I get burned but meh. I would prefer to give someone a second chance than to simply walk away from a relationship that could be saved.
Nah, I try not to.... I'm much better at not holding grudges these days..... I realise it's simply not worth the stress it puts on yourself.
Some wonderful sayings about grudges...... For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness. ~Author Unknown and "Holding onto anger is like holding onto a hot coal, in the end you are the one that gets burnt!!!" (something like that anyway).........
Great thread Onyx. I don't think holding a grudge so to speak is really that healthy. I think what's more important is for people to learn how to to honor themselves. If someone genuienly does something which is disrespectful or hurtful to you and isn't sorry or put in place steps to make sure it doesn't happen again or if someone is just a repeat offender why do so many people choose to keep those people who make them feel like crap in their lives? It really is OK for those people to behave like that, that's obviously just where they are at. You do get to choose however who you share your life with, family, friends or otherwise. Even if they are to stay in your life due to necesatiy you can certainly limit contact with them without it eating you up inside that that person has wronged you in some way. I have a great ability to not be angry but to really let go of it and let go of the person to whatever extent is necessary. Some may look at this as running away from the problem but I don't. If I was burning mad inside then yes culling anyone from you life that upsets you is not dealing with things. I tend to more just honor what path others are on and most importantly honor what works for me and what doesn't. An example of this is that I haven't spoken to my brother in a couple of years now. We were VERY close growing up and for much of our adult life. I tried to gently help him with his personal growth whenever 'he' asked for it. An incident happened where he made up the wrong thing, we didn't have an all out argument, in fact one sentence was said by him and as a result I have cut him loose to live, grow and learn without effecting my life. That is not a grudge at all as I hold no anger over any of it and I'm pretty sure he doesn't either even though 'he' was p!ssed off at the time. One day when he has moved forward I will still be here as I still think he is worthy of my time and love. Other people who do things that are wrong or hurtful I can still forgive and not hold a grudge but I will still distance them from my life if they have shown themselves to be someone I don't want to spend my time with.
For me, it depends on the situation.. and sometimes the person. Like if DH and i have a disagreement, then its forgotten in a second. But someone else.. depends on the situation.. for instance.. my mother.. ive had a few problems with her in the past and gave so many chances.. and the last instance was the last straw kinda thing.. i just cant get past being treated the way shes treated me, even though shes been sucking up my butt since i said something about it. If someone i thought was a friend has said stuff about me behind my back and i find out.. then i think its more of a trust issue. I think im a pretty fair person and give a people a lot of chances... i just think that those people who once did you wrong, will continue to do it if you try to forgive them as theyll know theyve gotten away with it the first time iywkim..
Most certainly. I have perfected the art of ignoring people's existence. Its not common anyone gets to that point in my life but there is always one every year or so who wants to try lol
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