Do you feel like you missed out?

[Oorki Galoorki]

i dont think age has anything to do with it.. we all go through a grieving stage when we become parents because we are parents we are no longer free to do what we want.

but you are right in that soon enough your kids will be old enough to go and stay at peoples houses and you can have soem "free time". and you may have a free house before you are 40( i know that will sound like ages away)but it will fly past and you will still be young and active!!

[Nelle]

A bit, many of my friends are no-where near settling down. But I remember when I was at uni (so I reproduced slightly later than you), my friend's mum was going to uni. Your kids will all be in school one day, and there will be time for you to start to figure out something for yourself. Hobbies, education, work...and then, once the kids are more independent, maybe in mid-late high school and Auntie whatsit can come and housesit and make sure your teenagers shower and don't starve for 2 weeks, you can be swanning around the country (or world) on a holiday here and there. Or camping.

It's just differences in timing. Some of our friends have a lot of independence right now, and we will have a lot of independence later - when my eldest is 18 I will only be 40, and some of my BB friends tell me that's not so old at all.

[~clover~]

if anyone catches me in the backseat of a car with an 18 year old guy....slap me!! pmsl!

& yes, when my oldest is 18, I'll only be 36. I just hope when I do get to that stage I'm not one of the ones who looks silly coz its so obviouse I'm trying to regain my youth!! lol


I have done everything I can so far to make sure my kids are outgoing & happy with a great social life. I am thinking about the move, but its all just talk for now. Could be 6 months before we make a decision. There are the odd few that escape & do better with their lives, lol, but mostly out there its alcohol, drugs, teen pregnancies, crime, centrelink...etc. I think coz thats the kind of people I was mostly raised around, thats all I had to aspire to iykwim. Dad was a shearer & him & all his mates were pot smoking alco's. All great hard working people who own their own homes etc, but that is their whole lives. Drinking & smoking.
Mum did try to do better, but she was a bit like me I guess. Had me young & put everything else on hold. She never went on to do the things she could've done. She's been a cook in the sheds & owned a take away shop.

[Rouge]

I think it's normal.

The one thing I envy... the one thing I never did. Was have my own place. My own space that wasn't a share house. A place just for me with a sunny kitchen window that I could sit by with my cup of tea on a weekend. Sole independence that's what I wish I had.

I was independent young, but I had share houses. I always felt as though I was under someone's care. I always felt like I was abiding to someone elses rules, because well I was. I was younger and for whatever reason I was always the one who had to go with the flow because I was younger. I also met my husband very early on so I have practically been with him from the time of my independence.

I don't regret any of my choices, but I do have moments where I envy those who had different opportunities to me. I wouldn't give up my children for the world, and the envy doesn't take over my life or make me regret anything. But I think it's ok to acknowledge "Oh man I didn't get to do that... I wish I had". That is healthy. Dwelling on it and living in a fantasy land that is not. That is when you miss the life you are living and the joys that you have now.

I know I'll never have my 1 bedroom little flat, and y'know I don't want it NOW I want it then. And that can't happen and that's ok I am ok with that.

But you CAN still have YOU time. You need to roster yourself some YOU time! You need to teach yourself that there are certain times of the day when you don't think about ANYONE else but you. Have that candlelit bath, go for that walk on your own. Go and lie in the sun with a good book and a vodka on ice. Whatever it is that YOU need to do you can and it doesn't require babysitters or a million dollars it just requires planning and determination You can DO IT!

[skeetaboat]

i dont think age has anything to do with it.. we all go through a grieving stage when we become parents because we are parents we are no longer free to do what we want.

I agree that we all (or most of us) go through a grieving stage after becoming a parent, but I think age can have a lot to do with a person's experience of that grieving process. Becoming a parent is a different experience when you have a planned pregnancy when you're 30-odd and feel ready, after having enjoyed your youth, finished studying, settled into lifetime friendships, carved out a career path, had the opportunity to travel, bought a house, are financially secure, done the things that are important to you, etc, etc, than it is when you're just a kid yourself and haven't had the opportunity to do all those things or consciously decided to become a parent because you're ready for it.

[smiles4u]

My Mum was pregnant at 17 and had her baby at 18 ... but that was 1957, and still until this day my Mum at 70 clearly has issues that she feels she hasn't accomplished what she wanted to do in life ... she has never been interstate let alone overseas, she doesn't have her driver's licence, she has never done a course of learning of any sort and she hasn't been in the workforce since she was 16.

BUT having said that i want to tell you my Mum has said all along ... young Mother's today are so very fortunate that they have so many opportunities available through the community to learn & be educated with courses, enabling them to at some point obtain a job they enjoy & hopefully make good monies from which they can travel even if it means taking the family, get a driver's licence, save for a car, etc ...

Doudou & Nelle ... hey gals so right being in ya 40's is not considered old these days but then come 50 that might be a whole other story, LOL ... Which means i will be about 80 by the time my DD leaves home (or should i be crying )