Do you need/want a partner???

[*LittleMissSummer*]

I often look at my single friends who are so desperate for a boyfriend and think why?

While i love my DP very much, sometimes id just like to be able to make my own decisions and do what i want. But then at the same time i have been with him since i was 15, hes my first serious relationship and i don't think i would know how to be alone and i hope to never be alone.

I don't think i am very independant, i am so dependant on him and i honestly hate it. When we first got together i couldn't stand being away from him, i would get emotional and to this day i get the same. As a manager he often has conferences interstate and i get sooky when he leaves i feel like i can't function without him.

So the answer to your question would be that in my case i need him.

[Rouge]

IMO You need to be able to reach the point of knowing you don't need a man and knowing that you can survive without one to actually be secure in any relationship with a man. Otherwise the chances of you becoming compromised increase IMO. No one needs a man. Ever. If you have one and you enjoy them Kudos to you, but if you need one you shouldn't be in a realtionship with one.

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

I'm very newly single and I've decided that whatever happens, I am NOT going to date for the rest of the year because I need time to rediscover who I am and get my own life together. As great as I feel finally being free of the abusive relationship I was in, I can imagine that if I got into a relationship too soon I'd be emotionally vulnerable and if the new relationship didn't work out I could be heartbroken and unable to cope. So basically I want to be physically, mentally and emotionally independent before I would even consider dating. I don't really miss having a partner but I do miss nookie XD

[cindyb]

Really quick from me (past my bed time and all) I am in a relationship - we have been together 7 years and i have had a few long relationships prior to this one but I can honestly say that I have always been of a mindset of whatever happens happens - i am really happy to be on my own (i LOVE the independence of it) but at the same time it is great to have someone to share lifes moments with, someone you know inside-out.
I dont like the idea of women/men NEEDING a partner to feel complete but hey who am i to judge?
I think - if i look back- I have always ended up falling into another relationship not to long after one has ended. Life is what it is enjoy it gals! LOL!!

[Rouge]

I'd like to say that with regards to my post last night it was late... and I should have said man/woman or partner LOL!

[ladybirdflies]

For me I think it is about having a healthy sense of 'self' in or out of relationships. I was single for 4 years with my two girls and felt that I was really connecting with who I am and how I am in the world. I really felt the same way, why be in a relationship? I knew that if I was ever with someone again, I wanted to walk 'with love' with my new partner not to be head over heels 'in love' because even that term being 'in love' shows a picture of being in the other and not holding onto yourself. I was blessed to meet a man that had these same pictures that I had, and after I met him, I had to really work on finding the balance of him and us and me, and how that all worked so that we both felt that balance, and the children were beautifully held in the middle of that. I am so blessed to be in a relationship that is consciously working with a freedom to speak, and held with this love that is empowering, not needy or clingly or fearful. It is a daily working progress!

[C~Q]

I've been thinking about this a bit lately too. I am really content with my life and so happy with the things in it...and I want to share that. I think having someone (the right someone) there to experience things as you do can make the experience so much better. For example, yesterday I took my kids to this big winery, we had a BLAST, played football, frisbee, drank wine (well I did lol) and I left feeling so happy and content. Then I started to feel really sad and I couldn't figure it out till I realised that it was because I wanted someone there to share it with me. To put their arm around me and sit back with laughing about how cute the kdis were being...

So, no I don't need a partner to be happy but I think some things can be made a lot more fulfilling when you have an adult to share them with.

[Inanna]

Anney surprisingly not yet - no books this way!!!!

I don't even miss sex. Not because I don't like sex but sex for me is an extension of my feelings for the man (in my case) in my life. So I don't feel like sex I feel like sex with the man that rings my bells iykwim? I even feel different there. As some people just want sex - but sex for me has to have connection, emotion, ritual etc. Not just random physical bonking... (for me I'm not saying it's right or wromng - just explaining from my perspective *dodging books here*).

I understand cQ - when my FWEXH left when my first DD was a baby I felt very much like you the sadness - but now I just feel whatever is the feeling in that moment. I don't want a partner I guess that adds to my work load (it's massive enough with 4 little ones). I don't have the energy to give to another human being intimately either. I also am self sufficient. If I need a chat I call a friend or drop over or ask them over. I have men in my life that give me man hugs - as there is nothing quite like those big arms to squeeze you. But I don't want to give up what I have. I have independence, freedom, complete happiness. However there is a part of me that would like to show my kids what a truly functioning relationship can look like. That's a gift I think that few kids get an I'd like to be able to do that. However, as for going out looking for it - bah.... I couldn't be arsed. It would have to knock on my door with a clean bill of psychological health!

It's good to hear I'm not a complete wierdo!!!!

[Muffy]

I have been single for about 14 months now and i LOVE it.
Im the opposite - i cant imagine sharing my life with someone else, i just dont understand how they will fit in.
I love being responsible for everything, I hate depending on other people.
The only thing i miss is the company, I mean yeah sure ive got male/female friends who i can talk to etc but i miss the intimate part

[C~Q]

I know what you mean. I actually can't imagine having someone live with me, and trying to share control over my life...what I miss and want is dating (well I am dating...but a boyfriend) someone that I see when i'm free and someone to share nice times with. Not someone to come in and take over my life hells NO!!!!!

[krysalyss]

I am naturall a more solitary person. I like being single. I like the freedom and the independence. I am however married. I wasn't going to get married until I met DH. We are very happy together. But naturally I know what I am and if there wasn't a DH (i.e. my exact one), I would be more than happy to be by myself (probably in the jungle somewhere lol).

[Sopdet]

IMO You need to be able to reach the point of knowing you don't need a man and knowing that you can survive without one to actually be secure in any relationship with a man. Otherwise the chances of you becoming compromised increase IMO. No one needs a man. Ever. If you have one and you enjoy them Kudos to you, but if you need one you shouldn't be in a realtionship with one.

I know I don't need a partner & I can survive without one

There are certain things that I miss, yes I get bits of them from different friends (both male and female) but it would be nice to get a proportion of it from one person.

[Butterfly Child]

At this time in my life.. No defiantly not, i'm at a stage in my life where i'm wanting to find me, and explore the things that i love and achieve the things i want for myself..honestly i don't have the time nor the patience for a relationship! Sure i miss the intimacy, the little things of having someone 'there' that loves you, but i at the moment i am not in a great place to give myself to anyone but my daughter. I need to focus on me and my daughter and at the moment i'm fine with that. Yeah one day maybe..but im not holding my breath!

[tattoo_mama]

im with laura, i love being single. i make the decisions, nobody to answer to, its great! but i do miss having someone to cuddle and 'stuf' lol but i have found a good FWB ... but having said that i struggle to keep the balance between being FWB and dating. he is very non commital and that suits me fine cause then i dont sit there thinking 'why wont he date me'

[Lulu]

but having a partner shouldn't be about control - or giving up cups of tea in bed! Noooooooooooo oooooooo - perish the thought!

One of the things I miss about xp was the way he used to bring me endless cups of tea in bed and keep the kids out of my hair on a Sunday. *sigh

[Inanna]

You are absolutely correct Lulu! For me though my experience has been that it has been! I feel more "me" than I have for years. I love that I can do what I want without having to consider a partner & right now I prefer that to making room for someone else!!!

However, a healthy relationship is for me one that enhances my life - it's been a very very long time since I've had that in an intimate relationship with a man...

[luna moth]

IMO You need to be able to reach the point of knowing you don't need a man and knowing that you can survive without one to actually be secure in any relationship with a man. Otherwise the chances of you becoming compromised increase IMO. No one needs a man. Ever. If you have one and you enjoy them Kudos to you, but if you need one you shouldn't be in a realtionship with one.

:yeahthat: OMG. Cleverest thing anyone has ever said.

[misty]

Hhhhmmm........ Maybe I am bias because I am happily married and have been in the same relationship for the past 12yrs (since I was 16).

I KNOW I don't need a man. I know I can survive quite capably without one, I could be happy without one. BUT to me there is nothing better then having someone there through thick and thin to share your life with, grow old with and share memories and history with.

I wouldn't ever 'settle' for just anyone, for fear of having no-one. I would rather be by myself, then with the wrong person for the wrong reasons. BUT no matter how happy I was by myself I would 'want' a partner along side me to share that happiness. My partner IS my best friend, my confidant, the person who makes the good parts of life that much better and the bad parts bearable.

It is like being in a cafe and having a choice of cakes. There is the decidant fabulous chocolate mud cake. Delicious in its own right. This is my happy competent life. And then there is the freshly whipped cream added on top. Not much on its own, but when added to the cake, just makes it all that much better. This is my other half.

Do I 'need' a partner??? I can survive without one. I can be happy without one. But I cannot ever imagine not 'wanting' that someone special to share my life with. If, heaven forbid, something were ever to happen to my DH and I was left alone, I imagine that eventually I would want and be looking for another to share my life with. And I would hope that If something were to happen to me, that DH would find someone else who understands and appreciates the person that he is (albeit she would not be as fabulous as myself).