I am not sure there is any way we can really help though. You are extremely set in your mindset and nothing we have ever said has changed anything before. You have asked on numerous occasions about your partner and many of us believe and have relayed to you that he is toxic and abusive. Yet you defend him to the hilt and then decide you don't want our words after all.
I can't help but wonder if your brother tried to tell you the same about your ex and you cut him off as well leaving him to think "Well, you chose this - I tried to talk to you before it got too hard".
I have to agree with Misty as well. I am sorry but I have been in your shoes. I married a total ahole who did everything possible to get out of paying or doing any form of child support at all. I dug myself out of that hole. I worked, I struggled, I did it all on my own. The very fact that I did it all on my own was far more rewarding and liberating anyway. My family certainly would have helped me if I had asked, but they were not the twits that married the jerk and had two kids to him so it was not their responsibility to fix it. It was mine. The mistake was mine and despite the fact that I was still a child in my head I had to accept that I was an adult and take responsibility for my own problems.
ETA: We are actually going through a time with BIL at the moment where we are expected to drop everything and run to help him. He is in a tough situation, yes. He is broke. He just had an aneurysm and a stroke. He had to sell his house to get by. His life is hell. Several months in hospital, no income at all. I do not doubt it is hard at all.
What exactly is my DH supposed to do to live up to these lofty sibling assistance standards? Should he forgo paying a bill to buy his brother food? Should he spend every day at his brothers helping him with chores leaving no time at all to spend with his kids or for his business? Should he be carrying his brothers emotional burdens around and lumping them on me and our kids? Is he really expected to forget me and ignore me because his brother is in hell? How is that my fault? How is that our kids fault? How is it fair that we should be second to him?
Interestingly I am acutely aware of the fact that his brother does have issues with me because my husband places value on his relationship with me and his family with me over and above his brothers daily and almost endless issues and is forever guilting DH because they "dont talk as much". I dont control DHs actions and the plain and simply fact is, my DH takes his marriage seriously.
Last edited by Inertia; July 12th, 2010 at 10:15 AM.
sue, i don't know why you bother writing these long winded descriptions of your life, you say you're asking for advice, but you're actually asking people to agree whole-heartedly with you, and say 'poor you'. we all have moments in our lives that are traumatic, they may go on for moments, or years, but you have to move on in your life, and not blame other people for the negativity that you feel.
it is not your brother's fault that you married a ****er. your brother had his own life and marriage to nurture, like you had yours, it's not his fault that you had grand expectations of him to fix YOUR life.
i know i sound harsh, but for gods sake, move on.
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