But can you give the receptionist the benefit of the doubt or is she always like that? If it's a one-off, you have enough EQ to forgive yeah? (masterchef is on soon!).
I don't think you have a massive ego, maybe you think more negatively instead of positively?
I also think that you might be right about people forgetting manners, but that's been a long term complaint through the ages. Yep, the world seems to want everything now, but recent (and not so recent) events have shown its not the path to happiness. Lots of people took on too much credit and stuff-wise - but poor fool them. Poor fool them indeed, I don't think ha ha ha (I'm sure you don't either) to those suffering under the weight of their wants, I just feel sad they were led to believe (OR were greedy enough) to think it was ever going to work. Now you are married to a banker so you understand all that and reject it for your reasons, as I have rejected it for my own. But I'm sure you and me both do other stupido things
Which lead me to my next phat opnion - people are rude because they are unhappy. How many issues can fall by the wayside or not seem terrible when you are in a GREAT state of mind. I think its almost impossible to snarl at someone when you are happy.
So at the end of the day, I don't swear the small stuff and if someone is horrible to me, my first thought is how unhappy they must be to snap at a random stranger so I feel compassion instead.
And if they have been a right ROYAL sucko, I smooth my anger by imagining their husbands (eg) wearing silk knickers till I feel better
I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt cause I have a low EQ and know I often say or do things that seem inconsiderate or impolite, not because I'm a nasty, hateful person but because, so often, I just don't realise. So I guess I just extrapolate and assume everyone's like me. Fortunately, many people are not.
I'm going to have to come back to this. DP is baking scones (!) and is telling me everything that he's doing. Now he's getting the tape measure out to measure how thick the mixture is.
So impossible for me to string anything coherent together right now but will try again tomorrow.
Oh so sorry to mention Fiona but geez that made me giggle ... just the thought of scones & a tape measure, i think i better go before i say what i'm actually thinking, ... LOL filthy ol' me
Fiona, ... Maybe it has ' something ' to do with being in our 40's ... Me 43, Bath turning 40 this w/end (Lulu not sure her age ?? But i'm guessing NOT in 40's )
I do think that a high EI is very important at work and I don't think I've got one! I can't recall if I've ever taken an EI test but I know that other people seem to get the right 'balance' at work and I just fail miserably.
My empathy score is huge but that means that I'm endlessly seeing the other person's viewpoint. That actually creates problems because instead of pulling people up in my home life and in my work life, I tend to make excuses for them and then, after a while, think that my good nature is being abused which generally ends in me being an emotional mess and angry at the unfairness of the world. I'm working on this and TBH, BB has been really valuable to me - being able to ask other people's views of certain situations. It's made me realise that sometimes other people ARE out of line and not saying anything only makes me miserable in the long run.
Whereas other people seem to get the balance right. If they're busy, they're better at saying "no" to additional work, are better at putting their foot down and saying, "hey you said you'd do it by x date" etc. etc.
Depending on which day you catch me on, sometimes I'm really great at laughing things off. Other times, when I think people have been unnecessarily mean or unfair, then it bothers me much more than it should - I either get sad or a tad angry. And it's always on THOSE days that I see another person handling a situation much better than I could which makes me feel doubly worse.
Sometimes I feel I have absolutely no clue about life and how to handle people. Other days I think I'm a champion.
This is really interesting. Would love your opinions on this situation we have at work Firstly, lets say I think I am pretty good with EI. I try to look at the causes of people's behaviour when it puzzles me, but often like Lulu I just put it down to them not being happy or having a bad day.
But what about people, I am thinking about my particular workplace, who genuinely think the way to get things done is to be aggressive, rude and demanding with people. I myself think that a little sugar will get you a long way and probably "waste" time cultivating relationships and "chatting" with people because I believe if I need to work with them somewhere in the future it will be much easier. But we have a few people at work who just think that being demanding and aggressive is very effective for them and they continue to operate that way. I have been talking with a few colleagues about this lately and we agree that we actively avoid these demanding people. But effectively this is giving these demanding people real reason to complain as yes, they are being left out of decisions, because no-one wants to deal with them.
Do you think they have low EI or completely misguided? do you think there is any point giving someone in their mid 50's feedback about this behaviour. I am so close to giving some feedback (or potentially just putting my hands around her neck LOL) but I think if she has little EI, it is not going to make any difference?
BTW - Happy big 4O Bath.
fionas, your comments are really interesting. I don't think I feel as "clueless" (sorry maybe too strong a word) as you do, but I certainly see where you are coming from. I too sometimes think I am too worried about the other person's point of view, to the detriment of my own self. But I don't think that is lack of EI. Have you ever done the Myers Briggs type indicator. It is really interesting and could give you some insight, but I think it is best done in a group to be able to compare.
Last edited by anney; July 17th, 2009 at 09:21 PM.
I just want to report that since starting my teacher training (Post grad dip ed) at uni I am delighted to encounter regular mentioning of the importance of helping children develop their emotional intelligence as it underpins their academic achievements! Daniel Goleman's books are on our recommended reading lists and I believe there is hope for the world!
Lucy in the sky with diamonds.
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