Agree 100% with the way it results in real actual illness when you hang on to stuff.
i agree with this - it is part of why i decided i needed to make the effort to move past things with a couple of people in my life. it took time, it took talking, it took acknowledgement of the wrongs (real and perceived) on both sides (i, in no way, hold them solely responsible for what transpired) and a rebuilding of our relationship on a different basis

but DH's family - i will wear the illness! i will deal with the anxiety attacks, and i will put up with feeling ill - my DD deserves my respect more than anything else - and i respect her to the point i will protect her from their toxicity. unfortunately, due to location and other intermingled relationships, i can't entirely cut them from our lives - so i have to be aware and alert, and bring out the mumma bear protectiveness whenever it's required - and deal with the implications for my own health later