Further to the passive aggressive thread

[Heaven]

Good on you for owning up to your mistakes and wanting to make it right.

I do agree with the others though, it's ok to tell her that you miss her etc but not ok to tell her her way of parenting is wrong iykwim.

[*star*]

Thanks.

I do need to rethink the second part. I'm not trying to say that her parenting is wrong - I love my daughter to have her routines, but to be unbending in them, and to need both parents to be at home with sleeping kids is what gets me. The parents are not allowed to be individuals. The kids aren't babies anymore (2.5 and 4). I used to be fine with respecting the sleep time thing as babies - I know how important it is and its interconnectedness with feeding, etc. But at this age to never make an exception when they'll get over a missed sleep (albeit with maybe a bit of a rough afternoon) bothers me. I think of the times that I do that to accommodate someone else and feel like I don't get the same in return from her.

Thanks for your advice. I knew the questioning parenting would be controversial, but honestly, that is what deep down bothers me. The other part I am getting over, but this is becoming a hurdle for me every time I see her. I do need her to understand that always having things at her place or at times that suit her is one-sided. Sometimes her timing doesn't fit with my DD's routine - if I were as unbending as her, we just wouldn't see each other. I don't want things always on her terms.

I'm going to reconsider how to put this point across. Any thoughts on what you might choose to say instead? I'm not sure what objective I have in saying this, but if I don't mention it at all I'm not being honest about why I'm finding it hard to be friends with her.

[anney]

Star, I did not see your full original post so can't comment on that, but this seems to be an absolutely reasonable way of saying what you are trying to get across. :

I do need her to understand that always having things at her place or at times that suit her is one-sided. Sometimes her timing doesn't fit with my DD's routine - if I were as unbending as her, we just wouldn't see each other.

You could probably soften it a bit, perhaps by saying that you feel you compromise your DDs needs to suit her children's needs all the time. and you are not prepared to continue to do that all the time.

[2CheekyMonkeys]

:yeahthat: keep it simple in the email, elaborate diplomatically in person.