Honestly, I would just tell her straight that you don't have the time and energy for a friendship with her. Tell her that you feel underappreciated and used and that the whole thing is a bit futile. Write her a letter if you need to. Do you still share mutual friends? If you don't it should be a little bit easier.
I don't think you should intentionally hurt her feelings, but I don't think you are going to avoid it either. If this is really what you want, decide what you want to say to her, say it and don't enter into any further conversation with her. Remove her from FB and cut all other contact. I think that is the least painful. She probably does deserve something of an explanation and it would be better if you could tell her in person or on the phone because things in writing can come back and bite you but if you don't think you can say it or you need to be heard all the way through - write it down. Be very careful to use 'I' messages rather than accusing 'you' messages so instead of saying 'You have no respect for me' say 'I feel very used and underappreciated when you expect me to provide accomodation and feed you everytime you visit. I need my space and privacy and it isn't working for me anymore.' That kind of thing ...
It's not an easy thing to do but it does sound like you need her out of your life. At least if you don't share mutual friends it should make things a bit easier because there is no-one else to get involved and stuck in the middle. You can walk away, no strings attached.
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