How do you let go of the hope that always leads to disappointment?

[onthefly]

I guess you know what you need to do to move on, it's just a matter of actually taking that step. What a shame they can't see what they're missing out on. It's only natural you want your parents to care for you and show an interest - parents are supposed to do that! They're supposed to want that! You should expect and demand more
It reminds me of my mother's shock one year when her mother actually called her on her birthday All I can say is she's a million times better as a mother (and grandmother!)

[Santosha]

I guess from a Buddhist perspective, this is just a part of your karmic path. It is happening for a reason, and like all things, can be an opportunity to grow and to benefit yourself, your family and all beings... or to just take another spin around the samsaric cycle again!

There are some lovely, if very difficult lessons in this one...

COMPASSION - Firstly for yourself. Be gentle with yourself and your hurt around this. It's ok for it to hurt, and you deserve the nurture and support that you would give Jazz, were she to be feeling the same pain.
Also, compassion for your parents (oh, this is so hard, I know... I have some difficult family members myself). But if you can step back from your expectations around what they 'should' be for you... their situation as individuals in their own right may provoke empathy and compassion. They're angry - which hurts the soul and creates ripples of karma that will follow them for some time. They're estranged from someone that they love. And if they're holding onto views that are prejudicial and grasping then as the Buddha described it, they have more than a little 'dust in their eyes'. This leads to ignorance and distances them from the joys that can come from openness, acceptance and compassion (and ultimately, if you believe it, enlightenment).

NON-ATTACHMENT / ACCEPTANCE - This pains you because you have an emotional attachment to them. You also have attachment to beliefs around what they could or should do to demonstrate their love for you. Whilst these beliefs are based around a lifetime of social learning (which is hard to shake), and some fundamental 'true' beliefs - that people 'should' be kind and show care and affection to their children, they are still just beliefs. They can be true, but if you get too hung up on everybody living according the the rules, then you just get hurt and dissapointed and shaken around when they don't. People don't do the right thing. Waaaay too much. That seems to be all part of this big trippy cyclic lesson-learning path we're on! The reality of your situation is what it is. Your dukkha or dissatisfaction comes from your grasping of the relationship and your beliefs about what it should be. It'd be very hard to get there, but I think the Buddhist message is to find peace and acceptance with the way it is. Perhaps you could meditate on the experience of grasping at this relationship and your expectations for it. Watch very closely what your mind and body does as you thing about what you want and how it should be. How it feels that it's not that way. Just watch the thoughts and feelings without fusing with them or becoming them, fully experience it, then allow them to wash away. Perhaps a metta meditation around your parents might be helpful too.

IMPERMANENCE - this too shall pass. Perhaps they'll continue to respond to you in similar ways, but you'll change. The moment will change. Your life will frame each instance differently until it won't be the same hurt any more. And you can put in work to change it in yourself. I guess too, that the big impermanence in this one is that they won't be here forever. So the option to cut them off completely needs to come with an awareness that there may not be an option to re-connect or heal in the future. Sorry if that's morbid, but it's just one of those truths that's a bit... well... ugh.

Hope at least some of that made sense... just my spin on a possible Buddhist interpretation of course and from very much a lay-person. Do you have a Lama or Buddhist trained teacher to chat to?

Big hugs to you. Hope you find some peace in this difficult situation.

ETA - ooohh, just read Inanna's post... yeah, that!

[Santosha]

Double post - oops!