I have recently discovered I feel possessive of my old friends. I have a few from primary school days, who I have been through so much with. We have gradually formed our own lives away from each other, but still meet up for the important events. Although I try to keep in closer contact, life gets in the way often. Anyway, when I meet them and I hear them talk about their 'friends' or 'best friend' I get a pang of jealousy. That used to be me! Why aren't I as important in their lives anymore?
Having kids young has certainly been a defining factor for the deterioration of a few of these friendships, but I can't let go. I want to be that person to them again.
I have tried to contact them and see them more often, but we're just in the same life stage so I think it's difficult.
Anyway, is anyone else possessive of their friends? Did you move passed it?
I'm not possessive of my new friends at all or DH, just those I've known for a really long time.
I get annoyed at those who you try make effort to see etc but can't organize yet they seem to have time for others.
I've come to learn that a few close friends is more important than a lot of friends.
I know a lot of people who I call my friends but the ones who are true friends are the ones that no matter what stage of life we're at, how far away we are from each other etc, we would still do anything for each other.
I also think my family is my number one priority now. It's good to have healthy friendships but I'm most happiest when I'm with family.
I dont know if it's possessive as such, more mourning what is lost.
I used to have a group of girls that we were all super tight and did and knew everything about eachother. Now I'm married with a child, another is single, another is married and lives further away... Things change.
When I hear things about them, or catch up and realize I have no idea about their lives anymore it makes me sad. And annoyed that you get replanced. But what can you do. My family is more important and it's a good test of friendship. I've found that dh is my best friend now, and there are some other girls in similar situations as me that I have gotten closer to, probably not as close though.
I think sometimes our friends suit where we are in life, and when they change it shows that a chapter is over for us too. That can make us possessive of what's changing.
I've experienced this. The only constant in life is change. Sometimes it feels good, sometimes it hurts. But it's almost always for the best.
Eventually I came to the conclusion that if someone would rather spend time with someone other than me, then I have two choices. Accept it, and put my efforts into something more worthwhile.... like someone who wants to spend time with me. Or feel bitter. Sometimes I choose both. Bitter first, then acceptance. It never feels good to realise that I'm not valued by someone. But of course if they don't value me, then why should I care? I may not have many friends, but the ones I do have are absolutely golden.
That's not to say that if someone doesn't value me that they're a piece of trash. It just means that I have no purpose for them, and vice versa. I try not to take it personally. I'm comfortable with who I am and I know my strengths and weaknesses. Just because one person doesn't like/love me, it doesn't mean I'm not loveable. There is always someone there to take their place.
More often than not these days, I can spot a kindred spirit a mile off. And when I do, long and fruitful friendships are forged. Try not to focus too much on the loss of what was. These people have served their purpose and it's time to move on. It's ok to mourn, but be sure to keep your eyes peeled for your kindred spirits.
Are you possessive?
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