thread: Are you possessive?

  1. #1
    Registered User

    Jul 2008
    summer street
    2,708

    Are you possessive?

    I have recently discovered I feel possessive of my old friends. I have a few from primary school days, who I have been through so much with. We have gradually formed our own lives away from each other, but still meet up for the important events. Although I try to keep in closer contact, life gets in the way often. Anyway, when I meet them and I hear them talk about their 'friends' or 'best friend' I get a pang of jealousy. That used to be me! Why aren't I as important in their lives anymore?



    Having kids young has certainly been a defining factor for the deterioration of a few of these friendships, but I can't let go. I want to be that person to them again.

    I have tried to contact them and see them more often, but we're just in the same life stage so I think it's difficult.

    Anyway, is anyone else possessive of their friends? Did you move passed it?

    I'm not possessive of my new friends at all or DH, just those I've known for a really long time.

  2. #2
    Registered User

    Oct 2005
    North Queensland
    2,528

    Sometimes.

    I get annoyed at those who you try make effort to see etc but can't organize yet they seem to have time for others.

    I've come to learn that a few close friends is more important than a lot of friends.

    I know a lot of people who I call my friends but the ones who are true friends are the ones that no matter what stage of life we're at, how far away we are from each other etc, we would still do anything for each other.

    I also think my family is my number one priority now. It's good to have healthy friendships but I'm most happiest when I'm with family.

  3. #3
    Registered User

    Jan 2011
    2,075

    I dont know if it's possessive as such, more mourning what is lost.

    I used to have a group of girls that we were all super tight and did and knew everything about eachother. Now I'm married with a child, another is single, another is married and lives further away... Things change.

    When I hear things about them, or catch up and realize I have no idea about their lives anymore it makes me sad. And annoyed that you get replanced. But what can you do. My family is more important and it's a good test of friendship. I've found that dh is my best friend now, and there are some other girls in similar situations as me that I have gotten closer to, probably not as close though.

    I think sometimes our friends suit where we are in life, and when they change it shows that a chapter is over for us too. That can make us possessive of what's changing.

  4. #4
    Registered User

    Jul 2008
    summer street
    2,708

    Thanks for the replies.

    Sara, yes I get annoyed too when friends say they're "flat out" etc, but you discover they have been partying with other people.

    Yes little_o that's a good way of putting it. Maybe I'm being possessive of our old times, and old friendships.

    Its hard being the first one in your friendship circle to have kids...

  5. #5
    Registered User

    Mar 2007
    6,979

    Like Sara said, a few close friends is more valuable than a lot of friends. I choose quality over quantity

  6. #6
    2014 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.

    Feb 2010
    Gold Coast
    2,117

    I've experienced this. The only constant in life is change. Sometimes it feels good, sometimes it hurts. But it's almost always for the best.

    Eventually I came to the conclusion that if someone would rather spend time with someone other than me, then I have two choices. Accept it, and put my efforts into something more worthwhile.... like someone who wants to spend time with me. Or feel bitter. Sometimes I choose both. Bitter first, then acceptance. It never feels good to realise that I'm not valued by someone. But of course if they don't value me, then why should I care? I may not have many friends, but the ones I do have are absolutely golden.

    That's not to say that if someone doesn't value me that they're a piece of trash. It just means that I have no purpose for them, and vice versa. I try not to take it personally. I'm comfortable with who I am and I know my strengths and weaknesses. Just because one person doesn't like/love me, it doesn't mean I'm not loveable. There is always someone there to take their place.

    More often than not these days, I can spot a kindred spirit a mile off. And when I do, long and fruitful friendships are forged. Try not to focus too much on the loss of what was. These people have served their purpose and it's time to move on. It's ok to mourn, but be sure to keep your eyes peeled for your kindred spirits.

    Ok I'm done ranting LOL

  7. #7
    Registered User

    Jul 2008
    summer street
    2,708

    Thanks forshelby. I have some really great friends so I certainly know how to find kindred spirits.

    I think this little bit of reflection has been sparked by my recent sorting out of old letters and cards. I came across some lively messages from old friends who I never see anymore. Yes I have some great friends currently, but I think I'm mourning the loss of old friendships.

    Maybe I should change the thread title...it just hurts when you put years and years (like 20 years) into a friendship only to find yourself on the back burner, just because of life stages

  8. #8
    2014 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.

    Feb 2010
    Gold Coast
    2,117

    I get that. It's sad because it's something we have no control over. It's not like we can all get married and have babies at the same time and in perfect order.

  9. #9
    Registered User

    May 2010
    victoria
    436

    I feel the same sometimes. An old primary school friend who I still talk to regularly has become close friends with a girl who was in our year at high-school but we never spoke to. My friend makes a point to visit her everytime she is down this way, but never does so for me (I live in a town she has to go through, and will stop in to see her sister. I'm only like 5-10mins from her sisters house). It hurts a little, and I admit I'm a little jealous. I've tried to "re-kindle" the friendship to bring us closer again, but I guess she just doesnt value the friendship to the same level I do. So when I read about their catch-ups on facebook (lol) I feel like "why cant that be me too?" as we all have children around the same age.

  10. #10
    Registered User

    Jan 2011
    2,075

    I think it's always hard when you realise you value the friendship more than the other person.

  11. #11
    Registered User

    Jul 2008
    summer street
    2,708

    Yes...that's what it is, isn't it? I think I need to grieve it's loss then...

    Thanks everyone