Frangipani, I think that hitting your 40s also provokes this kind of reflection. It sounds like in your case this might be compounded by feelings of grief and loss over things not turning out the way you had hoped. Sometimes, when this kind of grief starts to nudge us, it's an invitation to heal those hurts in our lives. So it could be a good time for you to attend some counselling so you can come to peace with what has been and move forward.