Preventing the early sexualisation of our children

[Toomanytoomany]

Oh my goodness am I right in feeling my opinions are not welcomed in this thread! You have quoted and shot me down on two comments, I made a suggestion to talk, talk talk, trying to help, I can't change the world, ie hundreds and hundreds of small things everywhere, opressing our children.

IMO if you want to be "good" at opposing the very things, to buck the trend, contact the maker

We can change the world, with the hundreds and hundreds of little children that have an open honest relationship with their parents, talking to them, encouriging them, it starts at home ... and talking happens on BB all the time, that's what we do.

Your post offended me

I think you are overreacting just a little. I simply responded to a couple of points you made over a subject about which I feel very strongly. I did so very respectfully. It's not a discussion if we don't seek to exchange ideas.

[Crystalwings]

Besides all the issues mentioned, such as dolls, music shows etc I think sexual messages are actually happening right from birth. I have posted about this before and no offense to others who purchase this clothing but I find alot of the slogan's on baby jumpsuits and todder t-shirts appauling - 'i'm a tits man', 'the condom broke', 'blondes have more fun', 'caution - blonde thinking', 'i-pood'.
These are sexual/adult messages on our babies, children see this and realise that an adult has dressed their baby in this type of clothing and the message is reinforced.
It is up to us to role model what's appropriate for our children.
I also think that some children's bikini's are very sexual but I also think that sometimes it's ok to wear a 2 piece when it's really hot (as it gets here) and you are just running under the hose in the shade. I played in my undies in the yard and it certainly wasn't viewed as sexual. Teaching your child to have self respect and a healthy body image doesn't mean they must always be covered from top to toe.

[Krisvee]

hmm interesting topic...

I only have 3 very little boys at the moment so really haven't had to deal with this as yet...however, I think "hiding" everything from children is only going to work to a point...I mean obviously I'm not talking about exposing them to age inappropriate things but more those unavoidable things...
Isn't it better than we talk them through these things and explain why it may be inappropriate??? I have watched for a reaction of ds1 (nearly 4yo) face sometime from a magazine cover or something on tv and he just doesn't have one (yet!) but I suppose what I'm saying is that often it's us making a bigger deal than the kids!!
I remember going on shopping trips with my mum and had what was probably considered skimpy clothes at the time - I remember watching video clips that were very sexual but I didn't notice at the time - and I was probably about 10+....to me back then I loved clothes and shopping with mum and I loved dancing to music! Completely Innocent!!!

I think the biggest way to protect your children is to teach them from the beginning core values, self esteem etc and I really think you'll find that it won't be a big issue...

I think sometimes it's important to be careful not banning things or making too much of a fuss because often kids (teenagers) will rebel and want what they can't have....

All in balance I say...

If you put a 3yo in a bikini for swimming do you think she's going to know any different really??? She's going to think - I"m going swimming - woohoo!

I agree with an earlier post - it's just the sicko's that have a problem with this and if they're around it doesn't matter what you dress your kids in...

I do not have a problem letting my boys run around in the nude - I would rather them grow up comfortable in their skin and not self conscious....I think there's more issues with girls growing up with body image issues and self esteem issues than there are girls that grow up to be strippers iykwim???

I guess what I'm saying is - I agree with the thread and I can understand everyone wanting to protect their children 100% but I think the best way to achieve this is through balance and leading by example...and being open and honest about these things...

I hope I haven't offended anyone with my opinions!!!!

[bon]

hmm interesting topic...

If you put a 3yo in a bikini for swimming do you think she's going to know any different really??? She's going to think - I"m going swimming - woohoo!



I do not have a problem letting my boys run around in the nude - I would rather them grow up comfortable in their skin and not self conscious....I think there's more issues with girls growing up with body image issues and self esteem issues than there are girls that grow up to be strippers iykwim???

My DD loves putting on her bikini at home and wearing it around the house. That is fine, I don't have a problem with that. She is also very comfortable in her own skin and will get around in the nude sometimes. Again, not an issue. But I will not dress her in a bikini at the local pool or the beach and I will not allow her to run around naked at the pool or beach either. Just as I will not allow DS to run around naked in public either. I am certainly not worried about them growing up to be a stripper, that is not the issue. The main reason for this is sun safety - a rash shirt over swimmers provides much more protection from the sun than a little bikini or a pair of speedos on DS. But it is also a question of what is appropriate for children to wear. DD isn't old enough to know or decide what is appropriate and what is not. I could dress her in a suspender and high heels to go out and it wouldn't bother her in the slightest - of course she doesn't know that it has sexual overtones, she is too young to understand adult concepts such as that. But I know, and DH knows and all the other older people who she comes into contact know - and that is the point. It is not appropriate to dress a child that way - it doesn't matter what the child thinks, they are not old enough or emotionally mature enough to process it. Which is why it is our job as parents to make the decisions in this area, especially when they are so young and not able to make the right decisions for themselves.

You are right - with girls there is the big issue of body issues and self esteem issues. It has been 10 years since I stopped being a teenager, but I still remember all too well the struggle I faced with my own confidence and body issues and issues over the way I looked, acted, what I wore...and TBH back then the images we were bombarded with in the media, music videos etc were not half as bad as they are now. I do worry about all this with my own daughters. I am going to have 3 of them to guide through teenager-hood, and the trouble is it all seems to start so much earlier these days. I was shocked the other day when I read an article in which 'Dolly' and 'Girlfriend' magazines were referred to as "tween mags" - as in, they are aimed at the 8-13 yo age group! When I was young, those mags were strictly for teens - aged 13-16. My mum would not let me read them until I had turned 13, and she finally relented because I begged. I could not imagine letting my pre-teen girl read those things! But apparently now by the time girls are 13 they are moving on to Cosmo or Cleo It just seems like too much, too young. Which is why I want to 'protect' my kids from being exposed to all that stuff too early. Why can't we just let kids be kids?

[Krisvee]

Hi!

Bon - I completely agree with you - I wouldn't let me boys run around naked on the beach or anything like that either...

I guess what I'm saying is it's the values of the family and that you raise your children to have self respect and high self esteem that will make the difference.
I read all of those magazines very young and even sometimes I was surprised what was in them in regards to sex...BUT I kind of new that some of it wasn't appropriate to me...???

I don't know if I'm making much sense - I'm not saying we let our kids wear anything/watch anything/read anything at any age but just that you want to know that if exposed to those things outside of your control that they will make the right decisions etc...?
I remember dolly/girlfriend being available in our high school library so just because it's not allowed at home doesn't mean they won't read it??
Doesn't mean that if they go to a friends house they won't be exposed to something they wouldn't normally??

I guess I think sheltering them from everything that is so commonplace out in the world may not be the right choice either...???

(Then again...maybe ask me this again in a few years time or if I have girls - LOL!)

[Bathsheba]

Swimwear: I saw some great one piece girls swimmers at Rebel Sports on the weekend.

[bon]

I agree that they will be exposed to things like magazines at friends houses and things like that, I remember I used to read them when I was at the library or a friend's house lol! I think there is a middle ground between sheltering them and fully exposing them IYKWIM? For example, my DD is at the age where she likes to watch me get ready to go out, and she likes to try on my perfume and wants to try on my makeup (what little of it I own), and that is fine. But at the same time, I don't let her wear makeup outside the house and I am trying to show her by my own example that makeup can be fun to wear, but we don't 'need' to wear it to feel good about ourselves. It is just another part of grooming, like brushing hair and cleaning teeth, but mummy can just as easily go out with out anything on her face (which is more usual lol, I simply don't have the time!). And I try not to emphasise looks - yes, we all like to be told we are beautiful because it makes us feel good, but it is simply part of a complete package of a person, not the only thing that is important.

[Trillian]

I was shocked the other day when I read an article in which 'Dolly' and 'Girlfriend' magazines were referred to as "tween mags" - as in, they are aimed at the 8-13 yo age group! When I was young, those mags were strictly for teens - aged 13-16. My mum would not let me read them until I had turned 13, and she finally relented because I begged. I could not imagine letting my pre-teen girl read those things! But apparently now by the time girls are 13 they are moving on to Cosmo or Cleo It just seems like too much, too young. Which is why I want to 'protect' my kids from being exposed to all that stuff too early. Why can't we just let kids be kids?

Oh wow! I can't believe that! Mum brought me my first Dolly mag when I was 10 - mind you that was waaaay back in 1988 and back then the mag was nothing like it is today so you could go so far as to say it included tweens because it didn't talk about the same things, sure there was a few articles about sex, but it was never done in a 'how to' sort of way, it was along the lines of waiting and how not to feel pressured and if you do make sure it's safe and 'special'. Mind you though, Dad used to remove the Dolly Doctor and Dear Dolly pages as he thought that was too grown up for me, but I kept buying that mag till I was 18 because Cosmo and Cleo were far too old before then, and even then I bypassed them to read Marie Clare and Women's Forum I see the type of articles the advertise on the front cover and no way known would I have assumed that they market that towards the tween group these days. Maybe it's something that we should write to the editor about, that as parents of young girls nearing the 'tween' age group that we wouldn't buy them as they are too old and encourage the sexualising of children.

[widdly]

I hate that girls and boys are so seperated by clothes and toys. I have put a huge effort into buying DS both 'girls' and ;boys' toys, and he plays with them all equaly. He has cars and trucks, he has baby dolls, dolls house, high heel dress up shoes (which btw, he demanded we buy at the store, then demanded i let him put them on an walk through Centro....that really challenged my 'gender neutral' parenting LOL!) even my Nan bought him a baby doll as his present cause thats what he picked out. However, I have copped a lot of criticism from family for buying him girls toys. Many a time my sisters and told him he is gay. DS was flipping through a mag the other day and pointed to a footballer and said "he's a cute man". This one little innocent comment copped extreme laughter and gay jeers. It is amazing how closed minded people are even today. Very sad.

[bon]

That is terrible - why is it gay for boys to play with girls toys? And to laugh at him and make insinuations like that, it's just wrong. When my DS was about 3 he loved dressing up in this pair of red high heels that was in the dress up box at grandma's house, I thought it was adorable lol. DH was a bit less enthusiastic, but he knew that it was just innocent play - why make a big deal out of it? It will only turn it into an issue for the child, when as far as they are concerned they are just playing.