I've only just seen this thread.

Why would I want to be friends with these people? How could i possibly want to seek approval from people who actually take pleasure in causing emotional harm to others? Why the hell, at 31, was I still trying to?

I am not perfect. I have faults. I know what they are and everyday I work on changing them. We don't even have to agree. In fact its good that we don't. I love to learn from others and why they have come to a different conclusion than me. For all I know this engrossing need to understand others could well stem from a history of emotional abuse and a desperate desire to fit in. That if I could understand you, I would agree with you and then be more like you, and you would like me, iykwim.

I realised that I am still very much what other people have made me, rather than just me. If I want to be me, I have to start letting go of this, and start accepting that it is okay to be me,
...
I can very much relate to all of the above.

Some of it is good, you know. Wanting to hear different POVs & understand others is not a bad thing. But maybe the underlying reasons behind it are not so healthy? I don't know.

You are talking about the need for someone else to validate your feelings? I'm working on letting go of that. One thing I am trying to do is turn it around... how do i feel when someone else feels differently to me? It's cool, they don't have to think like me. So why should it be any different for me? How would I feel if someone only wanted me to agree with them all the time?
It does give a different perspective on things...