Does anyone have any helpful articles/links about 'Silent Expectations' in relationships?


I've tried to write this post a few times, but every time I've struggled. Half of me wants to completely ignore my own issues with 'Silent Expectations', part of me wants to keep thinking "Why shouldn't Shel know what I want and need?" and to keep thinking I am valid in my unfulfilled disappointment and frustration.

And then theres another part that knows that its just not working for me. It never has of course, but I've always had my head in the sand and thinking I was totally justified in my expectations, and totally justified by being really angry at her by 'ignoring' my wants/needs.

I'd really also like to hear from others who have struggled with their own silent expectations of their partner. How have you overcome that?

Sometimes I feel like the frustration builds up so much and I explode (not silently!) and really i feel for Shel and Jazz as to them it would seem to come out of nowhere, but for me it would be a days worth of frustration I've been stewing on.

I don't even know if it what you would call 'silent expectations'. Things like really wanting a sleep-in, or feeling like I shouldn't have to stop everything I'm doing to see to Jazz when I am studying and she is playing stupid Bejeweled Blitz that she apparently can't stop playing....

But I struggle saying it out loud. Why??? I really struggle to say "Can you please look after Jazz while I study"... I don't want to disrupt her I guess because I know how frustrating it is to be disrupted... but in the same breath why can't she acknowledge that its frustrating for me to be disrupted? I'd like to think maybe she just doesn't realise........ but then I think OMG how can she not realise? She's just being IGNORANT and RUDE... and I get so frustrated but I just bury bury bury until I can't bury any more!

But logically I know I can't justify being angry at her... because I've never actually said that it, or anything else, makes me frustrated or angry.

So... anyone? I know this is totally my issue, I should express my expectations. Whether or not Shel *should* know what Ii want/need, maybe she doesn't, and obviously she doesnt realise how important and frustrating it is to me...

Ultimately its me getting 'hurt'. I'M holding the expectations, I feel the disappointment, I suffer the frustration. I allow ot to continue by not saying anything... ARGH! WHY can't I just express it???

Anyway... surely I'm not the only one?

Oh and I've looked up "languages of love" and as yet have npot found anything helpfiul. Yeah I get we all have different 'priorities', but I know that... I need some help on working out why I have such trouble telling her my expectations.