Please don't take any of what i'm about to write as offensive... i jsut need somewhere to get my thoughts out... even if it's not in a logical order....

So...
Here it is...Christmas Eve and for sometime I have been reflecting on the year that was. I married my lovely (but also at times, annoying) husband, I started a new job, made some fantastic new friends and made a brand new baby who is growing to be healthy.
But somehow i still don't feel satisfied with anything i've done/achieved throughout the year. Theres still part of me that feels like I should have done more, i should be a better person than I am. I know i'm not a bad person, I just don't feel like a complete person.
I can't even pinpoint why it is I feel the way I do. There are some nights I think about it and feel so down, but then I spend time with DD and I begin to see the amazing little girl she is growing into.

I want to not feel like this anymore. I want to feel complete and happy with the decisions i've made.
I try and talk with DH about it and he just thinks i'm strange and keeps trying to make me feel better...but i still feel like i'm not what everyone else sees me as - a confident, organised person. I don't know... maybe I feel like i'm not living up to my own expectations, just trying my best to live up to everyone elses and feeling like i'm not succeeding. I really don't know.

I'm just trying to muddle my way through things at the moment and find that thing that will make me feel the way I want. I know allot of it is about my thinking - and usually im a pretty positive person, just not sure whats happening to me at the moment.

If you managed to read this and made it to the end and made any kind of sense out of it, well done and thank you.
xxx