I hate it and I need it to stop. When i'm up at the Coast and with DP then everything is great, we have such a good time and it's just so easy

But when I go home and we're apart it's like everything changes...I get needy, and jealous and I look for things to pick fights about. He's not the most communicative person and lets face it, often he's out of his mind in pain or whacked out on painkillers, and even though I know that I still take him not texting as him not caring about me.

It's insane...I KNOW that he loves me, he shows me and tells me and I know it, but it's like as soon as I hit home I become this person that isn't me. Today was so uncool, I was a pathetic mess because we've been talking about moving in together and when I said I was scared because its a big step, he said "just go with what your feelings tell you" instead of what I wanted him to say which was something like "don't be scared, I love you I want you to blah blah blah". Thing is he HAS said that...I just wanted him to say it again...WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? It's exhausting!

Has anyone got any advice? This is not me, i'm not this person and I hate it...i'm going to dig out my Heart of Love by Demartini and read that again, I also need some thing to say to myself when I feel like this I think. Something like an affirmation that might push it all away...does that make sense?

TIA guys, feels better already to have spurted it all out lol x