I'm a really nice person, I know this. I truely believe I'm a great catch for a guy, I'm devoted & I look after my BF/DH as best I can.

I have a nice guy that I went to school with that is now interested in having a relationship with me. We have hung out together a handful of times (gone to the movies, beach, watched DVDs at my place etc) & on the last time we hung out watching DVDs at my place he kissed me. I felt sooooo awkward & I told him. That made it even more awkward for me, he seemed fine & has continued texting me asking to hang out since (its been about a month now since the kiss).

I've been saying no to catching up because I'm scared he'll try & kiss me again

He sent me a message tonight asking if I was ok because I sounded a bit cold on the phoe to him the other night (Fri) when he called to see if we could hang out. I told him I was going to bed so he didnt stop by.

The thing is I COULD have stayed awake & had company had I wanted it but I kinda feel like I cant trust his intentions. I mean he's told me he's attracted to me & likes me alot, would like a relationship but I cant help but think... how is he attracted to me? I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my life (incl during PG's), my boobs are disgustingly big from the weight I've put on, I've got bad skin... I look in the mirror & cry!

I've been told by a few friends that they think I'm attractive & its all in my head. I understand I'm not butt ugly but I dont think I'm attractive either.

I've heard people say all the time... "you cant love someone else if you cant love yourself".

How do I start to love myself? I mean I hate the way I look but then I get all depressed about it & eat more junk food etc thinking that I dont need to look good for a BF anyway because I'm single so I might aswell just keep comfort eating, I hope that makes sense.

This is all over the shop I think. I'm tired, probably shouldnt have started typing this tonight.

If anyone can help I'd appreciate it.

TIA