I think I may be suffering from a bit of post trauma from my lap. I feel silly because laps are just so common and so many women have had them but I honestly still feel shaken from it.

It was only 4 weeks from when I first saw my doctor about my symptoms to when I had my lap - and the whole time I was freaking out about the surgery and the unknowns.

My recovery from the lap was awful. I woke up from surgery wailing in pain - the cramping was the most awful feeling. They pumped me full of morphine until everything became a blurry haze. Then my oxygen levels dropped and my bed was rushed over to a different part of the recovery ward where I was put on oxygen and had all these monitors strapped to me. Then I felt this enormous pressure in my bladder and they tried to get me to go but nothing would happen. I was in so much discomfort that I was balling my eyes out. Eventually I could finally go and the pressure subsided. The pain came back with avengence then and the nurse said she couldn't give me anymore morphine unless I wanted to stay overnight in hospital. I just wanted to go home so I opted for a panadiene forte. Instead of being in recovery for the standard 2 hours, I was in there for almost 6.

The week following my surgery was hell. I couldn't walk for 2 days. I was constipated for almost 5 days to the point that I felt like my back was going to break from the pain it was causing me. The cramping was just horrific and every tiny movement made me cry.

A week after my surgery I found out that my endo had been extensive, but the doctor had cut out 99% of it - hence the reason for my pain.

Now I am left with 3 angry red scars which make me want to cry whenever I look at them and remember what I went through.

I'm not sure the point of my post - I guess I just needed to de-brief.