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Mylitta my DH and I have discussed it and yes we would use all fertilised eggs if we had had to do ivf. The thought of discarding/donating embryos is that upsetting for us that if that wasn't a choice I believe we wouldn't start ivf.
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For sure. I have looked into egg donation in the past and I was very keen to do it one day. But I'm already 36, still BFing, not sure I've finished my family and was born with a cleft palate so the chances of me ever being able to donate are pretty much nill.
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Oh. It's a bit rough to think your eggs aren't wanted lol
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Good point!
No matter what you're beliefs are, life is still a biological process.
The use of any technology to assist, alter or amend is simply an interference of this process. Regardless of whether it's needed or not. (Not at all a snub at those needing IVF etc at all)
Take away the technology and mental capacity is still but a thought.
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Last edited by Ilithyia; June 11th, 2012 at 10:37 AM.
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I find the thought of gender selection quite awful personally. I can't imagine rejecting a child based purely on its gender, although I guess that comes back to when you believe it becomes "a child", as opposed to product, tissue or whatever. I've also had a bumpy ride along the TTC/pregnancy road, so again am just grateful for three healthy children.
I have had a ton of comments throughout my pregnancy from people expressing how disappointed they are for me that I'm having another girl. I have found those comments to be extremely offensive because I was just thrilled to be carrying a healthy baby. I am now totally in love with my newest girl, and can't imagine our family being any other way.
What I have found interesting reading through everyone's posts is that those that have expressed a desire or an understanding of others' desires to use gender selection, or feel their family is incomplete because of same gender children have all been women who are mothers of boys, whereas most of us with only girls have expressed satisfaction. I wonder if there is some sort of biological reason for that? Maybe it goes a little way to explaining why there is such a strong view in society about the whole "pigeon pair" thing. Sorry - I don't think I've worded any of this very eloquently but I hope you know what I'm trying to say.
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I read a study that was done in Australia that basically did a population survey to find out if people would use gender selection to get a boy or a girl. They found that there was a small preference toward selection of a girl. It wasn't a huge difference though. From memory it mentioned that many western cultures had a slight preference for girls, whereas eastern cultures preferred boys.
With BB being such a female oriented environment I wonder if there are many Dad's out there with all girl families that secretly suffer gender disappointment that we never hear about. It's such a secretive disorder as it is (and many people won't admit to it for fear of being judged) and males tend not to share those sorts of emotions as easily as woman. I guess I'm just curious if woman are more likely to experience "gender yearning" for a girl if they have all boys, and men more likely to experience "gender yearning" for a boy if they have all girls...
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That's interesting that its close to an even split. I have the same curiosity as you - is our desire for a particular gender linked to our own gender the driving force, or are particular people (and I don't mean that in any way to be a judgmental thing about a person's character) prone to just wanting each while others are happy with the same of whatever ITMS.
I can't speak for men everywhere, but I am confident in saying that my DH couldn't be happier with his brood of girls. He is not a bloke's bloke by a very, very long way but he is incredibly sporty. It is something we have talked about quite a bit and he has always consistently maintained that he has no disappointment whatsoever at not having a boy. His dad on the other hand, not so happy about our inability to produce someone to carry on the family name!!
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I've just realised I've never actually asked hubby if he would have been disappointed if we hadn't had a boy. Maybe it never crossed my mind because he has two boys from a previous marriage that live with us, so it may not have been as important to him to have one with me as it might for other Dads. I know he was almost as keen as me to experience parenting a girl as well though. He recently admitted that our DD1 is his favorite child at the moment. I told him off for admitting to it even though I already knew it was the case. Lol, she has him wrapped around her little finger at only 17 months! He adores all the kids, but she just knows how to work him at the moment with the looks she gives him and her super snuggly personality. His preference might change when she's a teen haha!
You were RAK'ed in 2015.
My Dh is the same. He is really proud to have a family of girls. He doesnt wish or want for a boy at all. I have asked him, and he says gender doesnt matter to him. I always say that hes the lucky one cause he has his daddy's little girls and Ive missed out on a mummas boy
In our situation though, we have broken a massive trend in dh's family... For 6 generations the first born of the first born has always been a boy. Going down the family tree on his dad's side there are very few males. Then along comes dh and he and I produce all girls. His family were so sure we'd have boys that we never got anything girl related before any of the girls were born!
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I know my DH loves his girls more than anything in the world and always wanted daughters. But yes I totally believe he would have been a bit disappointed if we hadn't got a boy.
I don't think I would have minded all girls but now I have a son I do feel a bit sad that not everyone can experience loving a daughter and a son. It's so completely different.
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Really?? Please do not feel sad for me, it is not your place. I have no issues not having a son, in fact I have slight preference for it being that way. Everyone life is different, what you value is not always what others value. Save your energy for those who do need it. I do not need your sadness, it just make me annoyed.
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Just wanted to say there is a world of difference between gender disappointment, gender swaying and artificial gender selection.
I also wanted to add that I would love to have a little boy. DP is the only son of an only son so the line stops with him. Patriarchal concern perhaps but I know he would dearly love to have a little boy to carry on the family line (along with a million other reasons!) That said, we would be happy to be blessed with a child of either sex. Actually, 'happy' doesnt quite cover it.....maybe ecstatic is a better word!
And havng been where we've been, and having done what we've done with IVF, I don't think we would ever contemplate artificial sex selection through IVF, even if it was available to us.
Last edited by nothing2lose; June 10th, 2012 at 10:59 AM. : typo
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Sorry Astrid that came across wrong. Perhaps I should have said I'm thankful I got to see what it's like to love and parent both. Seeing I was so certain and happy with the idea I'd get four of the same sex.
I don't really feel sorry for anyone that has healthy happy children.
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I guess that's where we are all different. From what I can gather from this thread there are a lot of people who don't see a difference.
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I have directly asked DH if he yearns for a son. given our journey, other children are probably not going to happen, no matter the gender, so we've discussed it at length. he is the last in the family line, so unless DD decides not marry/change name, and any children of hers keep our surname, the line ends here. it is something that has plagued me. i have no yearning myself to have a male child. if i were to fall pregnant, i think i'd want another girl. i really don't know why though! but DH has said he is happy with DD - if we had a son, it would be a bonus, if not, then so be it
as a flip to the conversation, i have said to friends, and i stand by it, that if DH yearned for a son, and i could guarantee him one, i'd go through the hell of IVF and pregnancy again - i'd find a way to afford it so that he could have that. if we'd had a son first, i'd not contemplate it for a daughter though (even though i always wanted a girl - even when i was a kid myself). given he has no yearning though, we are just letting Mother Nature do her thing... i don't know why i feel that way - i can't explain why i would put myself through that for his yearning but not for myself. it's weird...
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This echoes my thoughts as well. Had I had a second daughter I would not have been disappointed at all, but now I have one of each I after that it is completely different.
I am the first to admit my hubby would have been disappointed had we not had a boy, although I'm sure he would have loved a daughter just as mich. our girl is a complete daddy's girl and he wouldn't have it any other way
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BG - it's cos you love him
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yeah, i won't argue that! i was happy to be a kidless chickadee forever til i met him and seen him with my brother's three month old. he told me he wanted kids and i caved... i love my DD with all my heart, but i wouldn't have gone through what i went through had it not been for his desire to be a DaddyBG - it's cos you love him
i've ready back through this thread and the comments about discarding embryos that are otherwise healthy has struck a chord, and watching the comments - for the most part, i can see the people that have a major issue with it are either long termers that crave a child, no matter the gender - or those who, from my reading, have a religious issue with it. trying to be objective, it appears it is all coming down to "filters" - where our lives have taken us and how we see it for US - and therefore, how it feels like it should be for society as a whole. most long termers that i am friends with have a "leave none behind" mentality when it comes to frozen embryos - but then most tend to have a problem falling pregnant, success isn't guaranteed, and they go through many embryo's for one successful pregnancy - embryo's created for no reason other than for gender selection potentially have a much higher chance of successfully being carried to term...
personally, i do have an issue with IVF/PGD for gender selection based purely on a WANT basis. the technology is hard enough for the average person with a medical NEED to access at a reasonable price - if it's to become even MORE commercial than it is already, it's going to make it even more unaffordable for those with a NEED, and I have an issue with that. This isn't about me personally - although I know my experiences will color my view to a degree - it's about making access to medical technology fair and appropriate for those who have an actual need for it. It's about making sure there isn't abuse of available technology just because someone can pay for it.
i have grown up with this technology as something i was always well aware of. i was neighbours (and friends) with Australia's first IVF baby. So i've always known it was around, and what it meant to access it. I see it as a privilege to live in a society in which this has been available for the past 32-33 years. i am forever grateful that it has helped us to bring a child into the world. i would hate to see it abused by the "haves" at the expense of the "have nots" - for someone like myself, i cycle at a regional clinic - as it stands, with IVF just being used for those with a medical need, i had to wait a minimum of 3 months just for the clinic to be out here, and up to 6 months for a spot in the clinic when it was here - if those spots are taken by those who are having FET's for gender selection purposes, the access for those with a NEED could well be blown out to once every 9-12 months unless they travel...
i guess sperm sorting and IUI sounds like a more appropriate option - natural ovulation cos mum has no fertility issues, clean and sort the sperm and then still let it happen naturally...
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