DH is leaving his six figure salary job and going back to University. This is something we decided as a Family and he is going to work Casually and do full time Uni and I am going to continue to work part time. As I mentioned I fully support him in his decision...NOW here is the clanger....I have been feeling cluckey lately and I have been thinking more and more about having our second and possibly final baby (haven't decided on 2 or 3)
I haven't really expressed this to my husband and I am not sure why I haven't but I guess I want to be 100% sure of my decision before telling him...
So I guess what I am looking for on here is some "motherly" advice. Should I follow my head or my heart?
Am I crazy wanting a second, knowing how expensive they are, time consuming and also how stressful having a new baby can be?
I will most likely have to sacrifice having my 6 months of Maternity Leave and just have the 3 months that I am entitled to...is this cheating the new baby of my total undivided attention just like I gave DS.
Is it more important to have my babies together, sacrificing on the luxuries and hoping we can get by ok or should I wait until my Husband has finished University in 4 years and then have a baby feeling a bit sad that DS hasn't had the playmate I envisioned for him?
What will dh be studying? My dp started a teaching degree while I was pg with dd, and he was home 50% of the time, which I loved. You may be able to juggle the childcare between you?
Also, the degree is only 4 years. How much will that set you back financially?
For me, I think I would regret not having my little ones grow up together, you make the rest work.
But that's just me. I had both mine while dp was studying.
GL
Poor people have babies just as frequently as rich people. Their babies are usually just as well loved and happy as the babies of people on higher incomes.
TBH babies are cheap - it's children that are expensive. I never met a baby who wanted a pony or needed to upgrade their skis.
Regardless of how long your maternity leave is your second baby will never get the same kind of undivided attention as your first baby it's impossible to give a baby undivided attention with a toddler or older child about.
I would just follow your heart and then figure out how you'll make it work.
We live very comfortabley on an average salary, yes i work one day a week and we get a couple hundred from centrelink but we spend very wisely and DD always gets what she needs we just don't go overboard.
We went second hand on alot of things for her before she was born, we were also very lucky we have great family and friends who bought/gave us a heap of things. Also ebay is good for clothes.
If this baby is a girl i wont have to buy a single thing except a mattress a few little things that will need replacing from DD. And if its a boy i will rely on hand-me-downs and ebay mostly for clothing blankets and such.
Children generally get more expensive when they start school as there are so many things that need paying for but as you say your DH will be finished Uni in 4 years and will hopefully fall into another job and you may have picked up more work so that will work out.
It would be such a shame to put off what you could do now, while sacrificing a few things. Or so thats what i think anyways.
well...If you want to have second baby so much, listen to your heart and tell your DH what you think. Don't make up yourself. And I agree that poor baby has happy life as rich baby. Or, I apologize my rude words first, if you are young and have enough time to wait, have the second one after your DH graduated. Don't be stressed, hunny. Share your thoughts with your hubby.
We have a gap of almost six years and while they won't be playmates, there's a beautiful loving relationship of a different kind already. TBH I'm close in age to my sisters and spent most of my childhood across the road with one of my neighbors. (we're still friends 25 yrs later)
I'm still close to my sisters, but nothing to do with playing with them! Just another perspective.
I'd talk to your DH about it and come to a joint decision.
Lara: DH will be studying Engineering something he has REALLY wanted to do for years but has been procrastinating on it. Its quite a full on degree and because we have a mortgage he will be working as much as he can in between to have enough money. We are going to do HECS so no upfront fees. But I guess your right, if we all waited for the "perfect time" no one would be having babies
Ony - You made me giggle. Yeah I would be a bit worried if the first sentence was buy me a pony!
And yes I see you point, you can't ignore one baby and give the other 100% of your time simply because the first one had your undivided attention.
I think your both right, following my heart seems to be the safest bit, I don't want to have regrets.
My thoughts, FWIW is why not wait a year or two to see how everything pans out with Uni and you both working part time? The desire for another child is very strong and it's a significant and valid part of our lives (his and yours). So while you might not want to wait the full 4 yours till his Uni course is over, because that will be quite an age gap, perhaps a couple of years while you adjust to a new routine and a new income level might be wise, to give yourselves a chance to evaluate before bringing a new factor (baby) into the mix.
My story - we limited our family to three because we were overseas volunteer workers, you know, trying to be sensible and practical - and three's a big family when you are so peripatetic. But we were sooooo clucky and we ended up sneaking in a #4, born 8 years after our #3, when I was 43. (We started trying when I was 40 ... but it took a tad longer than we planned ...) By that time we were living in Australia and not travelling quite as much.
And you are younger than that - you've got a little bit more time to play with.
But definitely start discussing it together - so that you're on the same page about what your 5 year plan is going to look like.
I'd talk to your DH and get his thoughts and make sure you are on the same page. Perhaps he committed to uni and working where he can b/c he isn't thinking about another child in the mix? Of course, I have no insider perspective but given the shift in your income and lives to come soon, best to discuss it with your DH. GL
Thanks everyone for your help and for sharing your stories
DH and I both know that we want another, I guess its just a matter of when. I was thinking of TTC in NOV / DEC this year so maybe that will give us enough time to work out finances, how taxing UNI is, worklife / home life balance etc...I think being sensible about it is important but I also think that we have to be ready mentally - I have been told the jump from 1 to 2 is quite a handful at times
when dh and i were thinking about having baby number 1 we were talking to a wise friend about our thoughts that we would wait a bit as the time wasnt right, she told us ''its never going to be the perfect time to have a baby' . i always remembered that, there is always something else going on. and to be honest, once you have all the stuff for baby number 1 the second hasnt been that expensive for us, really dd2 hasnt cost us much yet. no extra clothes have been bought (although is she had been a boy i guess dresses wouldnt have been an option), no extra equipment/nursery stuff. she is in nappies, but dd1 wasnt in nappies when she was born. shes BF. and now on solids she eats off my plate. actually thinking about it i cant think of ANYTHING ive bought for her....i dont think ive even bought any new toys. feeling a bit bad now i say follow your heart!
Thanks so much everyone, I know that I can count on good advice on here and I really appreciate it
I really don't like talking about these things with relatives as they sometimes fail to see rational side of things and only thing about what they want i.e more grandkids! LOL
Blondie, if your DH agrees - just do it. Far, far worse to be broody for years and years and years while he finishes his degree when you could have had two babies in that time.
But just my PoV, coloured by the fact I'm still waiting for DH to agree to TTC #2, let alone #3 (stupid finances, they are NOT a problem!).
DO IT! I have just had my second son (he was a surprise though!) and I am happy it just happened as my boys are only 2 years apart, I will be going back to work in 4 weeks when my second is only 12 weeks old and my DF will be starting full time uni at the end of feb and we manage ok. It can be tiring but life with children is anyway! I don't feel guilty about having less time at home because I am going to work to LOOK AFTER my children financially, food, shelter, clothing etc love doesn't pay the bills! so our situation seems a lot like yours you just haven't had the 2nd little on yet.....
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Advice on having a second baby...
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