Advice?? Q to those who decided not to baptise/christen their children?

[Karina]

Hello,

Our daughter is only 3 weeks, but we have already had people talk about her baptism/christening. We decided quite a while ago that we didnt want to have her baptised, as we are not religious at all.

My mum has already said we should be having her baptised. Before Claire was born, someone asked what her name will be, and when we told them, they went into their book to make sure it was a saints name so the church would allow us to baptise in that name. I made a comment that it doesnt matter because we arent baptising anyway, and was greeted with gasps of shock... Then MIL has gone out and bought a little dress for her to wear for her (not happening) chistening, without even asking us, so she has obviously just assumed without bothering to talk to us first. I think thats rude!

Anyway, I think I have waffled on enough, so I will get on with it.
I would just like to know if anyone else has found that their family had all these expectations that baptism would be occuring?
I have mentioned we wont be, and the response I get is "but you have to" and that sort of thing. I dont want to let them make me feel guilty about not baptising her.

Am I being selfish for not baptising her?
We dont attend church. DH believes in Buddhism. We want to let her be exposed to differnt faiths and let her make the decision later on as to what she will follow. Is that selfish?

I dont want to start a debate by the way, I just want to see other people point of views on this, in case I am totally missing something.

thanks

[storm04]

My hubbies greek and his parents have very strong values and i was raised catholic but havent really followed it i guess since i was old enough to choose what i wanted to do.
Anyhow we had the same dilemma, in the end to acknowledge my kids births we had a naming day but it was unofficial a few family members said some nice thngs, i wrote a nice poem, we had a bbq and we bought a nice tree for the garden for each child. It was just a nice day to show her off and catch up with close freinds and family and very informal and in the end everyone said how nice it was!
We did however choose godparents, but not that we class them as that lol, just someone we know we can trust to care for the kids should anything happen to us!
Good luck with what you do, its not easy when both sides of the familes have such strong beliefs but they should respect what you choose to do.

[mrsmac]

My DH is practically an aethiest and I am not sure what I believe anymore so we didn't have our kids baptised cause it seemed kind of hypocritical since we didn't go to church. My parents were unhappy because they do go to church but in the end they knew it was our decision and accepted it. I think if you explain that since you don't go to church you don't see the need for it maybe they will understand (or maybe not LOL)

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

If you don't believe in Christianity, don't do it. When your children are older they can be baptised as adults if that is their wish. Although I did have DS Christened, DH and I are Christians and I disagree with people having Christenings because it's the "done thing" or they want a nice photo time and party. In a Christening, you are promising to bring your child up according to Biblical principles, to take your child to Church and to encourage Christian study and lifestyle. If you can't promise that, with sincerity, in a Church, no-one should ask you to.

Point out that it's far more of a sin to lie to God in this way than it is to not have your child Christened. HTH.

[Astrid]

I was asked by MIL if Maggie was going to be christened and I briefly explained to her why not. I think she was more upset about not being able to make the dress, even though she did not consider that if Maggie was to be christened that she would be wearing a hand made dress from my Nanny (who is no longer with us).

So luckily we have managed to get away not having a christening without out too much fuss. We are actually coping it more for deciding not to send her to a religious private school. She is barely 2 and MIL will not let it go. She keeps on about DH being a Catholic and that Maggie can get into a certain school. Anyway DH says he is an atheist, but if pushed to name a religion, he is a baptist.

Goodluck stick to your guns if it is something that you feel strongly about. I do not believe that Christening or Baptisms are something that should be taken lightly or done without true belief.

[Ellibam]

We both come from a religious families (although mine not practising) but because we are not practising or religious we decided not to have makon christened, we did have a naming ceremony for him( it was incorporated in to our wedding day)

so just let people know that because you arent practising and want your children to decide which religion they may follow!

[Roryrory]

We want to let her be exposed to differnt faiths and let her make the decision later on as to what she will follow. Is that selfish?

Karina - not at all! This is what my parents had planned for me, but when I was 3 years old my grandparents took matters into their own hands and I was christened "Larisa" in the Russian Orthodox Church (not Aurora - there is no "Saint Aurora"). My wonderful grandparents (NOT!) told my mother and father they had booked the date and picked the god parents and said they couldn't come to the ceremony because they had to stay home and prepare for the party afterwards!!

Stick to your guns - if you and DH don't want a baptism for your child don't do it. Ryn is right - not only is "far more of a sin to lie to God in this way than it is to not have your child Christened", but it could set you down a path of conceding to your ILs views on other matters to do with raising your bub.

Good luck!

[Melbo]

Karina, the decision is entirely yours and yours alone. If you wanted to have something to mark the occasion that is non-denominational (and not religious) you can always have a naming ceremony with a celebrant.

A lot of people experience family pressure over these sorts of things but ultimately it is your choice and not theirs. Good luck. =)