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Thread: Being a way way wayyyy older sibling??

  1. #1

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    Exclamation Being a way way wayyyy older sibling??

    Hello everyone, I'm quite the chatterbox today!
    Ok so, i have a question / ramble / mostly question that i thought you could all share your and your families' experiences with me...

    I am 20 years old, and (yes as well as pregnant myself) as many of you already know, my dear old mum is pregnant too. My question is, how have you come to bond with siblings that have such large age differences to yourself? Although they drive me mental, i'd like to think i have a close bond and fairly strong relationship with my two younger brother. They are 15 and 10. i am worried about how i will be able to connect with my sisters once they are born. It is very important to me, that they be as much a part of my life as my brothers are, regardless of the fact that they are half-sisters. This is not a problem to me, without half-siblings i would have no family other than mum to speak of!

    I know it would be different if i were still living at home, but now as i do not, and will be having a child of my own i am really wondering how i can form a good relationship with them. Is it little silly of me to expect to have them grow up as close as my brothers are? I guess that's the childhood always wanted a sister to be my best friend dream going on. But when mum got pregnant we were both sort of shocked to go oh yeah, your sisters, not nieces. LOL, especially when the girls will be the aunty's of my DS.

    I just wanted to know how you, or some have your older children have taken to baby siblings with such large age differences?

    Soul, if you are reading this, you in particular! I know your eldest son is still four years younger than me, but how has he bonded with little Pheeny? Do you think things will be any different if and when you have your next bubby? I think it's a little different because you have all of your children in between whereas with me it's been 5yrs, 5yrs and now an extra 10yr gap, but I'm curious to see what you can all tell me!


  2. #2

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    Hi Ashlea.

    My mother was 17 when her little brother was born (age gaps +1, 0, -3, -5, -17; she is 2nd of 5), she left home when he was 5 and she married my father. They have a very close relationship, sometimes I think she acts too much like his mother (I swear he gets more mothering from her than me!) and she always has him and his family round and looks after them. It's very different from the other sibling relationships and she acknowledges she treats her baby brother very differently, that she wants to look after him, but they are very close still.

    Hope this is what you were after.

  3. #3

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    I come from a large and spread out family - I'm first of 8. (All of the same mum and dad.) My youngest brother is 19 years younger than me. Right now, he is 8. I got married and moved out when he was not quite 2, so I have to say that the relationship I have with him and my next youngest sister (17yrs younger) is different than what I have with the siblings closest to me (my sister closest to me is my best friend) but I love them just as much! I mean, how can you really compare the relationship you have with a 25 year old, compared with what you have with a 10 and 8 year old? But as they grow older, we talk more, and they love being "aunt" and "uncle" to mine and my sister's kids, and we all get along great. I don't know them in the same way, right now, that I know some of my other siblings, but as I said, as they get older, the age gap becomes less noticeable, and I love them just the same anyways.
    When the youngest two were babies - I loved it! I was still at home then, and it was like having my own baby, without the waking at night or discipline issues. We all spoiled them rotten. (The last two came after a six year gap.) I think it gave my mom a break a little bit too, since we were old enough to help with housework, and caring for the baby. We loved them to bits.
    Sorry if that's a bit of a confusing answer, but it's the best I can explain it!

  4. #4

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    What will be, will be - as long as you actually see each other regularly they will find each other.

    I have MUCH older brothers and sisters - like about 15 years - we just didn't have squabbles over clothes or who did the dishes last night as we never lived together, but growing up I always thought they were rather cool and it was good having another adult (or bigger person) around that wasn't mum or dad. Probably worse than grandparents in some respects.....

    Have fun!

  5. #5

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    HI Ashlea,

    Although my brothers aren't as much older as you will be with your sisters, we have a pretty close relationship. We are 10 and 9 yrs different in age (they are older thatn me) and I have a great relationship with them, my second brother in particular. When we were little mum used to get them to look after me alot while she did things like cook, house work etc...which I think helped them bond with me. They have always been very protective of me and very loving. Now that we are older, my eldest brother has become less close to me, though I think he might be a bit jealous of my DH to be honest and feels a little threatened by our relationship, like he feels replaced a bit, IYKWIM? But my middle brother and I are still very close to this day and he now sees me as more of his equal and treats me as such, no longer teasing the [email protected] out of me so much!!
    At my work there is a family in the same situation as you will be, with the mum having a baby with her daughter. The kids are aunt and nephew and are 3 and 2 yrs old, and couldn't be closer if they were bother and sister. The two sisters one 23 and one now 3 are also very close. There are also four other girls in the family, 20,18,16 and 5. Though they all still live in the same house and are as sisters anyway. The little one stays over at her sisters house regularly with her 5yr sister and they all have such a lovely time together. Despite the age differences, they are all really close with each other.
    I think if you make the effort to be close to your sisters, then it will happen.

  6. #6

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    My youngest brother is 17yrs younger than me (half brother) and he was just over two when I moved out of home. Until that point we were quite close as I would do a lot for him when Mum was busy with the other kids (I have two brothers and a sister also younger than me - same parents) plus a step brother. Plus i would be the babysitter if Mum and her partner went out etc. Even after I moved out of home my little brother would come and have weekends with me and I would take him places and stuff. Now that I have kids it is more a motherly role I have with him I suppose, but still sisterly kwim? My kids just adore having him as their Uncle though and he was in his last year of primary school when Lindsay started school last year and he thought it was so cool to have an Uncle at school with him.

    Like Lulu said, it's what you make of it. No doubt you will be seeing a lot of one another and the three kids will grow up together so there's no way you can avoid having a bond with them.

  7. #7

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    DD1 was born when DH's half brother & sister were 6 & 9. They were 4 & 7 when we got together & DH moved out. There are 14 years between DH & his brother, & 11 between DH & his sister, but they get along great. Beck - his sister comes over here all the time to visit & stay the night. She's 14 & is also my usual baby sitter. Dave - his brother is 11 & in year 5 at school, so I know that he is there to keep an eye on Jaz for me. He treats her like a little sister. Torments the crap out of her, but won't let anyone else do it.
    I really like that when Jaz & Dave are older he will be perfect to chaperone. He can look after her, but he's not so old that it will be embarassing. They might have very different views on this then, but too bad.

  8. #8

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    i have two half sisters - 9 and 12 years younger than me, and we are stil like sisters.. they lived with my dad and new wife and i was with my bro and my mum, but when we did see them, the four of us were inseparable.. i think its hte way that our parents treated us, my stepmum always treated us as euals to her own kids and we baby sat when we saw them - school holidays as they lived 5 hours away!! not than i am ina diff state to them, we keep in touch regularly and miss eachother dearly. i think youll be fine, but the boundaries have to be set - to introduce the fact that you are siblings!

  9. #9

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    My DD is almost 17 years older than Charlie and had a hard time getting used to having a baby in the house again. She didn't like not being able to have friends over at night anymore because Charlie was asleep, and because she worked nights, we fought a lot about her coming home at 3am and making a racket. She ended up moving to her dad's when Charlie was a few months old. Since then things between us have improved (there were a lot of other issues mind you) and she now comes over at least once a week as she doesn't want to miss Charlie growing up, and is very much his sister in every way atm.

    My DS1 was 14 when Charlie was born, was already living with his dad, and while he genuinely seems to have an affection Charlie when he sees him, he doesn't see him very often. As he's gotten older, he's become less involved with any of his family and more involved with friends, as they do at this age. Charlie isn't overly attached to him like he is with his other siblings.

    My DS2 is 13, was 11 when Charlie was born, and lives with us. Charlie adores him and he adores Charlie. They spend hours playing in the afternoon after school, and my DS2 loves having a baby brother.

    So I think it really depends on the effort put in to be close the the child. My DS2 could have been sullen and withdrawn with the arrival of the new baby, effectively taking over the spot of 'youngest child' but has really embraced being big brother. My DD is trying to ensure she has a bond with Charlie, and my DS1 isn't trying very hard at all. And in time to come, I guess this will shape their relationships with him, and with each other as well.

  10. #10

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    My youngest brother is 14 and I am 18 years older than him.
    My eldest son is 13, so my brother and my son are more like brothers than Uncle and Nephew... they went through primary school together, and they are now at different high schools... I used to get some strange looks when my son would tell his teacher or friends parents that he and his uncle were punching each other! I would quickly have to explain that his uncle was only 13 months older!!!
    I am like a 2nd mother to my brother, but we definitely have a more brother/sister type relationship. I love him to bits and I have never felt as though we haven't bonded like I have with my other brother or sisters... it is actually perhaps a stronger bond because I do look at him as like my son too.

  11. #11

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    Busy busy busy busy, no time for BB but thank you thank you for your replies!

    Many of you have said what i was thinking myself, that chances are we will have a closer connection because i am older and will tend to be more mothering, but also that im going to seem like and aunty as my bubby and my sisters will be growing up together (can't wait for playdates, how convenient! hehe!).
    I know things will be different to as if i was living at home - and i have come to realise that as adults, the generation gap may be quite difficult for us to have the sibling type r/ship i have with my brothers, because there will be such a large age difference - but then i also see it as a good way that maybe being able to bond with my sisters during teenage years, will make it easier to communicate with my son, IYKWIM.
    Either way, i am terribly excited, and was really interested in knowing how many of you have been in similar situations and the feedback seems mostly positive, now just to have faith!

  12. #12

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    yep, my brother was 13 when I was born, my sister,11 and my other sister was 8!
    I feel like I have nothing in common with the two eldest ones as they were a completely different generation to me.

  13. #13

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    Just as a thought from someone who has an uncle a similar age to herself... he's so bloody annoying now! He was so cool when I was younger, we'd go to the pictures together as we like the same films, he'd threaten my boyfriends (my Dad never got into that role with me), he was a right laugh. Now he is treated more like my mum's child than me, his children are as important as DS to her (more so, I feel, as she sees them more), my mother has even said that should she win the lottery she'd split half of it three ways, part to me, part to my sister, part to him! Not upset about that so much, but she and my dad have other siblings and the excrement could hit the fan here.

    I am not saying she should put her children above her siblings and never would, but it does grate that if I need her and he needs her she always goes to him first. Well, my sister, then him. Even now, if I need her for just a five minute talk "can't help, *brother* and his family are coming round in three hours and I want to cook lunch for them."

    But I'm a bitter and twisted person.

  14. #14

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    I am 13 years older than my younger sister. She's my half sister too but I hate that term. We lived together till she was 6 so that probably helped early bonding. My Mum died when she was 9 so my older sister and I have raised her since. She lived with me from 12-16 and that was interesting as I had always tried to fight being maternal towards her due to the age gap as I wanted to 'just' be her sister but then I was in a situation of having to 'parent' her too... but I'm proud of all of us. We did really well.

    I love her dearly and she is absolutely my sister... but I guess sometimes I had to make a more conscious choice to felt that way as it evolved differently with my other sister who is only 3 years older than me. I still have a different bond and closer friendship with my older sister- we relate really well. But that said, my younger sister is awesome too and I can still share my problems with her. I guess like any siblings I just have different relationships with both my sisters, age isn't really an issue.

  15. #15

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    oh shoot I have been distancing myself a bit from here, long story, but now I am slowly appearing again I see I missed a really interesting topic!!!


    To answer your question to me sweetie, Josh loves the three youngest kids! Especially the two youngest boys as he is almost 17 years older than pheeny and 13 years older than Ashlen. And he will be at least 18 years older than our next and then will be around 21 years older for our last of the bunch. And I know he will be the way he is now with the two youngest, absolutley fine!!!!


    You dont have to be there 24/7 to build a strong bond with them sweetness. So long as you see the regulary, there will be sisterly love there!! I do however saying all this, hope he is not married and have kids on the way at the sametime lmao!!!!! way to confusing for kids!!!


    BUT if it were to happen then that was the way it was "Suppose" to be!!!


    How you feeling lovely, anyways?

  16. #16

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    Hehe, yes our family is quite confusing as is... i mean my little jellybeans aunts will be only a month older than him, and his great aunt has just turned thirty - the age a lot of bubby's aunts and uncles will often be when they are first born!
    It's going to be an interesting an very rewarding journey to be able to share the parenting experience with mum, i think that at least now. Perhaps it won't... I think it will in one way be strange going to her as my mum, when she has babies too, iykwim?

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