Birds & the Bees

[*Efjay*]

Evan is very interested in knowing how babies get into my tummy. He will ask once every few weeks. We don't make up stories but just leave bits out. He knows it takes both a Mum & Dad etc but we just say that we are special & when he is a little older we will explain it all for him.
He asked again tonight & I really want to explain it to him seems he is so interested. So Tonight I said that I have special eggs & Dad has sperm ( He knows that that sperm is in his testicals, lol asked what thoses were for aggggeeeessss ago) and that when the 2 mix together it makes a baby. They he asked but how does it get in my tummy, do you have to get connected? I said yeah kinda, It happens when we love each other. To which he replied, so when you kiss? I replied that that was part of it & left it at that. But I can tell he would be thinking it over for the next couple of days & he will ask again.
So how do you explain sex to a 5 yr old?
I would like my kids to have a healthy idea and respect for Sex so don't want to make out like its naughy or dirty. So I would like to answer his question honestly. I would really love (wishfull thinking I am sure) to be able to have an open & honest relationship with all my kids & have them be comfortable to ask & tell me anything regardless of their age. So I think its only fair that I return the favour to them & answer any questions as honestly as I can. But Iam just having a little trouble figuring out the best way to talk about sex.
I do plan on saying that we "make Love" rather then Sex as to me, they are 2 different things. I haven;t had "sex" with DH since we first got together really. We make Lurvvvv lol corny I know.

[Rouge]

I would do a bit more reading before deciding on this. Purely because it has been said that at 5 some stuff can be frightening for kids, or better yet can be dangerous iykwim?

At our school we have sex ed but its age appropriate and as far as I'm aware they don't explain sex as an act until about grade 2-3 any child before then has to be taught seperately with guidance from the counsellors (the school gets special educators in who specialise in this area and can help parents and provide good books etc.)

I can find out a list of books if you like?

ETA: I want all the things you want too... I just want to be sure its age appropriate or should I say maturity appropriate.

[Michelle71]

How about "When a man and a woman love each other very much like mummy and daddy do and they want to have a baby they have a special cuddle where daddy's penis goes into mummy's vagina so the sperm and the egg can meet."

You have already covered most of the details by the sound of it. My nephew is the same with the questions (6yo) and I have needed to pre-prepare answers for all sorts of things like his tonsillectomy, death and dying, cremation and burial etc Good luck!!

[*Efjay*]

Thats a good point Cailin. A list of books would be great, thank you.

I think Evan is more mature then most 5 year olds (but what parent doesn't think highly of their child?). Its just that he takes the time to think about it & then will ask more. So he has processed what we have told him about "being Special" and now he wants to know more.
A good list of reading material would be great I think.

eta - Yes we had a talk about death & burials etc just the other week.

[Phteven]

I've noticed some books in the bookshop about where babies come from- near the ones about potties and so on.
Maybe if you have a flick through them next time you're in a bookshop you might get some inspiration.
Or you could just buy one that seems appropriate for his level.

[Rouge]

Here is some info I found for you... will be sure to get a list of books for you...

Age Appropriate Discussions

Ages 0-3. You may feel that under 3 is too young to communicate about sex, and from a clinical standpoint, you are right. But attitudes about sex are formed early and have their foundation in relationships. The focuses at early ages should be on knowing the names of body parts, on healthy touch and on privacy and respect.

Naming Body Parts. Children under age three are exploring their world and their bodies and will be inquisitive. When you start helping them know about ears and fingers, its OK to start helping them know about penises and vulvae. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed. It is just part of learning about their world.
Healthy Touch. The foundations of sexual attitudes are formed early. You can help your preschool child start to identify how good touch feels as opposed to bad touch.

Hugging and cuddling is good and healthy and will help children feel confident in their own bodies. But avoiding unhealthy touch (touching their own or others genitals) should be taught as well. Watch for opportunities to teach proper attitudes toward touch. Help them know that they should talk with you if anyone touches a part of their body that is covered by a swimming suit.
Teaching Privacy and Respect. One of the most important things parents can do with preschoolers is to teach privacy and respect for others' privacy. Teach them about dressing modestly when they are three and it will not be much of an issue at 14. Help them know that certain parts of our bodies need to stay covered.

Ages 4-8. At this stage, children's curiosity about bodies in general and sex in particular is growing. They begin to be aware of anatomical differences-even a trip to the grocery store or the water slide may evoke a discussion. And this is generally the stage where parents are asked about some of the mechanics of making babies.

Cultural Influences. The awareness of children to their surroundings begins early and they will start noticing the cultural issues around sex. If Mom or a friend's mom, is expecting a baby, there will be an opportunity to talk about how babies get in there and how they come out. They will also start becoming aware of body differences between men and women. This is a good time to give accurate information and to reinforce the messages you hope they get about sex and intimacy.
The Mechanics of Sex. When you get the inevitable questions about sex ("How did the baby get in there?"), it's time to start talking about the details of reproduction. It can start pretty simply. For example, you can talk about a special seed that is inside daddies that combines with a little egg that is inside mommies. When these two things combine, a baby starts growing. Then, as questions continue ("How does the seed get from the daddy into the mommy?") then you can get more clinical. You may want to find some good books at your library or local bookstore that will help you teach these principles.

Ages 9-12. By the time your children reach nine or ten, they should know the mechanics of sex and reproduction. They will likely be starting to hear about sex from their friends and may start experiencing sexual desire or arousal. Girls usually start first finding the opposite very interesting-boys typically take a little longer. This is a good time to start focusing on responsibility and helping children understand values and consequences.

Talking About Responsible Sex. As your children start feeling hormones or cultural pressures about sex, it is a good time to talk about responsibility. Help them learn that sex is natural and healthy, but that it is meant as a part of a mature, committed relationship. Teach them about the need to wait for sexual activity until it is in that context. Help them know that sexual feelings are normal, but need to be managed according to their values. Just like we don't always strike out physically when we are angry, we don't act out when we feel sexually aroused. Our actions need to always be governed by our values. Also, help them understand the risks and consequences of a pregnancy if the mom and dad are not ready to be parents.
Be There To Answer Questions. Ages 9-12 is also a time when children are open to asking questions of their parents and listening to answers. This openness is fleeting once a child enters the teen years, and so dads should take the opportunity to respond to questions when they are asked.

[*Efjay*]

well so far I think I am going about it right going off that Cailin. Thanks

[AngelPunks]

my SIL told me about the mechanics of sex when I was 5, I'd asked about a picture in an encyclopaedia that was taken of a nearly full-term baby inside the womb - I initially asked what the rope was.

She sat down with me and explained the mechanics of sex and how a baby is formed and grows etc. She then taught me all about periods and the changes that puberty makes to the body, which was great and what I needed as I started my period about 3 1/2 years later and was wearing a bra in grade 5. She also fell pregnant when I was 7, so I got to watch the growth etc.

There was about 18 months between each of her children, so they all learnt about where babies come from early as well and by the time the youngest was born, the eldest (of 4) was quite knowledgeable.

[*Efjay*]

Evan understands how the baby grows & what the cord is etc, He knows they come outof my vagina & I am guessing he has some idea that they get in via that as well.