It sucks doesn't it? I cut my mum out quite a few years ago. At most family get togethers, if she turns up (Christmas, nieces & nephews birthday's) I say hello, am polite but avoid engaging with her in a lengthy conversation as I just have no interest in pretending everything's ok when it's not. Both my brothers & my daughter have occasional contact with her but everyone knows I've tried my best & it just doesn't work so no one gives me grief about it anymore.
We cut off all contact with mil and fil. Kept seeing all other in laws until we realised that they were running back to mil and fil with all that we were doing including showing them pics of our boys. Now we have nothing to do with any of them...
Yep, I cut one of my sister in laws out completely (we have little to do with DH's family anyway). Deleted her on FB and we haven't called each other. In the last 9 months I think we've seen each other twice, maybe 3 times at family gatherings.
I'm sick of her and she's the one I got on best with but I'm tired of being used when she needs something, enough was enough.
As for dealing with get togethers, we staying until we've had enough and leave, I stay civil enough for the kids sake but I don't go out of my way to have a conversation with her. If it's getting too much maybe move to another room/area for awhile compose yourself and then go back in and strike up a convo with someone else.
I broke contact with my mum. I had in the beginning different family member ringing to discuss what they could do to fix the problem so that contact would resume. When that failed I have had different members react differently. Some our relationships have become closer, and others have become distant or the relationship has stopped. Thats the case with my brother, who couldn't understand why the relationship broke, he took it upon himself to choose a side (when I swore black and blue there was no reason to choose, but he then started to bully and push until the relationship broke).
I haven't had to do a get together, and probably won't have to, but if we did it would be civil, but hopefully would be able to stay far enough away to avoid contact.
I have had family members contact me to to fix it but they are just doing what mum asked them to do rather than talking to me about the issues, it's all my fault and they were running back to her with information which a friend let me know. I am closer to my dad now though as I can see why he was never around.
We have chosen to have no contact with DH's sister and we are all better off for it
It was initially very difficult at family gathering. Very ackward for everyone but as the years have gone by it is much easier for every one. I still have a difficult time being in the same room as her, having to attend the same functions as her, sit at the same table and share a meal with her due to what she did to me. It is slowly slowly slowly getting a bit easier.
If you need to do it for you and your family to be better off then do it!!! There comes a time that you are allowed to say no more and put your family first.
We have no contact with my father or his new wife. He still attends events for my brothers and sisters as do we. He was told in no uncertain terms why we were choosing to break contact. He has tried over the years to get a reaction (send gifts, money etc) but they are ignored or returned. At mutual events, he is acknowledged with a polite hello if necessary but usually ignoring one another works well. The only thing I am wary of is him introducing himself to the children, talking to them, or taking unwarranted photos. The kids are never left unsupervised with him around. At this stage, they haven't worked out the whole family connections/relations thing to work out that their cousins grandfather is also theirs, so they have no idea who he is. He visited my sister when we were at her house once and after he left my eldest exclaimed "who were those strange people?!" Im ok with that.
Thanks everyone. We took the first step today and Ive told my other sister and my mums that we wont make it to xmas (my older sister is hosting so no way Im going there) and we are having a separate event the weekend before at our place.
Sadly it will mean less contact with my nana, since she babysits my nieces 4/5 days a week after school, and usually one weekend day as well, and it will mean contact with my sister. (though I will try and invite her around solo as much as we can)
see for us, its not one huge thing, but rather loads of little things:
Watching her belt (wooden spoon/hand) her girls from about 1yo
Watching her shut them in their rooms and hold the door shut until they screamed themselves to sleep on the floor
Watching her refuse to feed her 'naughty' 2 week old because it wasnt feed time, then 'have' to give him formula as we was losing weight
but the breaking point has been her deciding to 'chop his wang so it looks pretty'
We are just polar opposites, but her 'choices' really upset me to the point where I cant bear to watch them anymore
Ive spoken to our younger sister about this (she worked with centrelink/dcp until she had her DD) and she doesnt think it would o anywhere, as apparently thats acceptable parenting 'choice'
But I cant stand to watch it, so I wont be.
Though DH thinks I should tell her why, and 'officially' break off contact with her, rather than just avoiding/blocking her, in the last hope that she might rethink her 'choice'
(I know if someone felt strongly enough about my parenting that they cut off contact with me, Id reevaluate my choice)
Sadly, smacking, timed feeds and "control cry" parenting are actively promoted in our society, so really not illegal. Neither is circumcision, although doctors may not do it for the reason she has given. As you can guess, I am not ecstatic about any of that either.
If someone told me they hated my parenting so much they were going to cut off contact, I would think "well expletive you, you judgemental farmyard animal." I would not adjust the parenting strategy I have worked on, read about and embraced with a knowledge that others do things differently. I have seen many different parents in my friendship groups and family and there are those I don't speak to any more, but I don't tell them it's because I find their parenting inadequate. Cos I'm sure they'd have plenty to say about mine: there is lots to criticise here too, after all.
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breaking off contact with family.
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