This is going to come out as a jumble, but it is doing my head in so I just need to get it all out.

Earlier this year DH and I decided that we would have a 3rd child, after having DS I was certain that 2 was enough, even though we had reviously discussed 3. DS was a difficut baby, and DS and DD are only 18 months apart, so it was hard going in the early days and I was pretty sure that I didnt want to go through that again.

As DS got older I got back the urge to have another child, that undescribable longing to do it all again. It took a while for DH to come around to the idea, but eventually he did and we decided that we would start trying towards the end of this year (so nowish).

All is good and we have started TTC #3, but part of me is wondering if it is still the right thing to do- life is starting to get easier as the other 2 get older, I have what i think are good prospects at work, we have just bought our first home- I will be working more days next year meaning more money to do things. I have spent this year really focusing on getting fit and healthy and I am scared of undoing all that hard work.

I am scared that if I dont have #3 I will regret it, but I am also worried that I am doing it for selfish reasons, is the fact that I feel like I still need to have another child a good enough reason to do it. Of course if we were to get pg, I would be happy and love the baby, but I just dont know if it is the best thing to do right now. I know we could leave it and wait a year or so, but because DD & DS are so close in age, I dont want to have a big age gap with the third.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh so confused!