this is my little dilemma...

When ds was 6mths old DH and I decided to start trying for number 2, then i freaked out about not being able to cope and told dh i didn't want any more babies. When ds was 9mths old we started trying again, then again after 2 months of trying i freaked out and said no more babies and went back on the pill.

ds just turned 1 and i am clucky again and think i am ready to try again, the only thing is i am worried about messing dh's feelings around again as i've already said yes and no twice i don't want to do it to him again. Last time i said no to more babies he said he would perfer ds to not be an only child, but he was also very happy with just ds if that was what i wanted.

i guess i just have the guilts about possibly letting dh down a third time if i freak out again. ithought about maybe just stopping taking the pill and surprise dh with a pregnancy as this is what he wants, but i just don't think i could hide anything from.

have any of you had similar feelings about trying again??? Just needing a bit of reasurrance that im not the only freaky mum.