Do you smack??

[~clover~]

I know. I agree with all of you. I just feel like if he's in the house it's impossible, but he has just had a month without work. Maybe now that he's back at work & out of the house through the day it'll get easier.
Plus the dog just got Jaz's kitten, so I really don't think we'll go there. The poor kids heartbroken.
I dunno what to do. It's laying at the back door. I closed the door so she can't see it, but I don't think I can move it. I'm a sook when it comes to that sort of stuff.

[Sammiejane]

OH no! how horrid, im a sook too - we have 2 mice in our pantry that i cant bare to kill (so its now the shelf with all the tinned stuff on... DH will kill them soon.

Can Anth move it?

you are right, maybe with him out of the house more things will be a little better - for them both, he possibly loose his temper so quickly.

[~clover~]

I think the dog took it away. Anth's at work. I just hope the kids don't find it when they go out to play.

[Sammiejane]

hopefully it gets buried

[BellyBelly]

Here's Pinky's article on the main site if you haven't posted it already!!!

To Smack or Not To Smack

btw. I don't smack.

[meow]

I find smacking hugely distressing. The fact that there is a segment of our community for which the use of physical punishment is condoned and legal nearly makes me cry and makes my heart sink every time I think about it. No, I don't smack.

[paradise lost]

Skye i am hearing how desperate you are, but think very carefully about what you're proposing. Are you breaking up your marriage?

If things are very tough at home this can feel like a reasonable solution, and it really might be the BEST solution, if you feel the two of you are not working anymore, but you need to be sure of what you're doing and honest about why. If DH moves out to "help things calm down with Jaz" she will grow up, and her siblings will grow up, thinking it is all her fault that mum and dad split up. She'll never be able to cope with that without being terribly hurt and damaged.

Children need to feel they CANNOT break their family. That's what security is. Security says "i am here, no matter what". It doesn't mean you're all laughing together all the time - the toughest times usually happen within families, but it does mean you stick together whatever happens.

I'm a single mum, so i'm not going to tell you that you mustn't end your relationship if it is very unhappy, but please don't even in your mind, make it about Jaz, she's too wee to even grasp that, it's a massive responsibility which isn't hers. Seeing how XP was around DD (she was tiny and he was utterly useless and wouldn't help me with her and was selfish and mean - things which ALL passed but which i left him over long before they did pass) was the straw that broke the camel's back. But i left him because of ME, you know? Because i didn't like what i saw in terms of how capable he was of disregarding me when i was weak, vulnerable. Not because of her.

Perhaps an action plan is required here, so you have something you can SEE you're moving towards. You and DH are the nucleus of your family, and both of you would benefit from counselling - you to destress and strategise, him to work out why his temper is like it is and learn to control it. Then you could both do with marriage counselling, so you can get it together again and be a solid foundation or decide to split and be a solid foundation (the foundation of XP and I is WAY more solid now we don't spend every day fighting). Once you have decided together how you're family will look (i.e. if you stay together or split up) you could try Triple P or similar to get fresh tactics on raising the girls. Overlaying all of that Jaz would probably benefit from talking to someone too.

I feel for you, it must feel like a giant mountain to climb. But it's worth it hun, it sounds so dark down in that valley. When you get just a little way up the slopes of the foothills, you'll get to see the sunshine more.

Loves

Bx