Your second post would make me kick him up the bum for attitude alone. I agree with your sentiments 100% and really get annoyed at the whole "she just sits home and watches tv all day" attitude that so many have about SAHMs. Me going back to work doing 12 hour days would be a gazillion times less physically and emotionally draining, albeit nowhere near as rewarding.

I think in principal what you are proposing is fair, although purely from the point of view of knowing what my own DH is like without much sleep, if he got home any later than say midnight I would be letting his morning roster slide a bit so he can have more sleep - just more pleasant for all of us if he's not overly tired (more than any of us are with small children!).

As for doing things on his own with your children, I think this is really important on so many levels - to help you out, to take some responsibility himself, but mostly to foster a really good, deep relationship between him and them. My DH is brilliant with the kids, but whe we're all out together he gets to be the "fun one" (both through his behaviour and how the girls just naturally deal with him if I' there), and I'm the one that has to look after practical things like toilet breaks, food, time to leave etc. I think its good for the dad to be the one imposing the rules sometimes

Good luck. I hope you can reach an agreement with him that works for everybody.