Guardians for our children - unsure who to choose. #long#

[AwesomeFoursome]

We asked our friend and she said yes. We will be putting one of my family down as a second person. Now I just got to find out the ins and outs of making as much as we can binding. Thanks for the replies.

[Mother Goose]

Divvy do you know if it is possible to stipulate that the children are not to go to a certain person?

That's actually a really good question. I don't want my DD living with my brother (we actually have no contact with him at all) due to things he did to me as a child. Similarly, I don't want her to live with my sister as she is unstable with a drug habit.

My Dad is not a viable option for caring for my DD for numerous reasons.

DH is an only child and his parents are not well enough to baby sit for longer than 30 min let alone raise a child.

If DD had to live with family, I have an Aunt and Uncle I'd consider but my preference would be a good friend of mine... whom I haven't asked yet. Must get around to doing that considering DH is cooking tomorrow night...

[purplepixie1978]

We're going through the same thought process. I don't want to leave them with either set of parents - love them dearly but they just don't have the energy and all have pretty major health issues. I don't agree with my sister's parenting methods at all, but I know she'd be shattered and would fight for my kids if I named someone else in my will and the unthinkable happened. (She seems to like my DD more than she likes her own kids...). DH has 5 older half-siblings, four of whom have four of their own and another who is not coping with her two. One of the four parent the exact same way we try to and would be ideal... but have four school aged kids. They have an infinite capacity to love though and financially I know our superannuation/insurance would pretty much cover our kids til 18. So we're leaning towards them.

My other option is one of my best friends. They would be awesome parents and love DD. It's tricky though - They have been TTC since before DH and I even got married, so I wonder if they'd feel like we're considering them just because they don't have kids themselves yet???

Certainly leaning towards DH's brother now.

[KimB]

We have the same problem here. My 2 DS's are my exH and if anything should happen to me and DF then exH would expect to take them back but then we are left with our 3 younger DD's. DF has spoken about his sister taking them but I don't want the family split up. DF and I have spoken about exH taking all of them but haven't asked him yet. He probably would and he does get along well with them and his wife is great with the girls but we still feel funny asking something like this. The only problem is there really is no one else we can ask without breaking up the family.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Thanks for bumping this and updating, Yowie. We're in a similar quandry and about to update wills.

DH has parents (in their 70s), an uncle (in his 70s) and a brother and SiL - who choose to have little to do with us and don't share our parenting values.

I have my parents (and that's got to be a no), my sister and BiL, who are great but currently childless and loving that life before they choose to settle down with children (and my sister currently has no problems with my mother looking after her hypothetical children a lot).

DS's godmother lives in Austria. She's great and would have him, but it will be a big culture shock as DS can speak very little German. I know she speaks English and he'd learn German but it's still a big thing for him.

DS himself would express a preference for my parents, but that's cos my mother wants him to adore her so spoils him completely and always lets him get his own way, which isn't healthy for him.

So what do we put in our will? Best option would probably be my sister, but I don't want DS that close to my mother. And PiL would be upset about that too, as they'd want DS close to them.

We just have to survive another 11.5 years then DS can be his own guardian and look after any siblings too. Continuing living is the only real option, IMO. Will have to argue this out with DH as he feels the same but is swayed more towards his brother.

[emc2]

My impression was as I only did my will through the Public Trustee, was that it's just an indication as to your wishes and not binding.

The information I was told by them was that my brother and SIL lodge a form with the Family Court.

How it works in Family Law with my ex I am unsure, but I'd have thought the court would look at the bigger picture if something happened to me.